L.O.N.

Forget the Olympics… forget perhaps the most-watched single game in international history… the NBA on NBC music is back!  Hot ish!

Line Of The Night:

Dwyane Wade — 19 points, 2 assists, 2 steals

That’s 19 points on 100% shooting.  100%!  D-Wade follows up his star turn in the Olympic warm-ups with another brilliant performance, shooting a perfect 7-7 from the field and 5-5 from the free throw line.

Worst Of The Night:

The global domination of Nike’s laser etching.  It started out innocently enough, used in shoe designs for Kobe and LeBron, a few years back.  Eventually it even spread to the highest profile of Nike lines — Jordans.  Now?  Both Team USA and Team China featured the etching on their uniforms and warm-ups!  ENOUGH.  Dead it.

Star Of The Night:

LeBron James — 18 points, 6 boards, 3 assists, 3 blocks, 1 steal

We gave D-Wade and his cleanly shaved dome the L.O.N.nie, but the highlight reels for the game were supplied by LeBron.  This entire experience is looking like the coronation of King James as King Of The Basketball World, and he showed why in the team’s first game.  A TWO-HANDED BLOCK/CATCH?  A couple more spectacular blocks… alley-oop after alley-oop… LeBron is the face of the so-called Redeem Team and is anxious to eliminate “LeBronze” from his nickname portfolio.

Hometown Hero Of The Night:

Yao Ming — 13 points, 10 boards, 3 blocks, 1 assist

Yao Ming has the weight of billions on his shoulders, serving as the China’s face of these Olympic games.  He served as the flag-bearer during the Opening Ceremonies (off the chain, by the way) and provided one of the enduring moments of the entire Games, as he walked in with a little 9 year-old (making Yao look cartoonishly tall) that survived the recent tragic Sichuan Earthquake, saving two of his classmates in the process.  He’s the most famous athlete in the country leading an under-manned team in what may be the most popular sport in the country.  On top of that, he is fresh off a stress fractured foot that put his Olympics appearance in doubt.

And what?  Yao did not have a great statistical game against the U.S., but he and his mates put up a decent fight, and delighted the electric home crowd.  He came out of the gate firing, nailing a three, and attempting a Globetrotter-ish two-handed, over-the-head, no-look pass, early.  Yao was clearly fired up, showing perhaps more emotion than he has in his entire NBA career to date.  He stayed emotionally involved throughout, celebrating and supporting his teammates even as his country trailed big.  We praise him here, but he would tell you he is only performing his expected duty.

Presidential Ish, George Bush Of The Night:

In tune with his desire to take full advantage of all Presidential perks, G-Dub has been everywhere at the Olympics, including Team USA’s opening match-up against Team China.  He was seen in the hallway as part of the team huddle, looking clearly uncomfortable and out of his element, and then in the stands getting an Omega-1 Death Stare from First Lady Laura Bush.  His forte seems to be his rapport with any and all female athletes (tips from the preceding President, perhaps?).  He participated in a little beach volleyball with Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh, and then got a big kick out of waving to the women’s hoops squad.  World leadership at work.

Gold Medal In Advertising Of The Night:

The ad execs have brought their gold medal game to the Olympics so far and the basketball-specific ads have been especially top-notch.  Nike is airing a spot combining a couple classics that hope to an inspire a new classic.  In 1983, Marvin Gaye performed what is widely regarded as the greatest rendition of the Star Spangled Banner ever.  Clips of this performance are combined with shots of the USA basketball preparing for their gold medal run, and the iconic “Just Do It” tagline is shown at the end — great.

Coke came up with a concept centered around arguably the two largest figures in the game — Yao Ming and LeBron James.  They enter an arena as adversaries, attempting to one-up each other with national flavor after national flavor, before finally realizing that a common ground — sweet and delicious Coke — can bring them together.  Gold medals all-around.

Doug Collins saying slippage over-and-over again makes us uncomfortable… Who invited Craig Sager, and who let him wear “normal” clothes?… Thanks for another screw-up Time Warner.  The Los Angeles-area Time Warner service does NOT feature the NBC Basketball Channel which is airing EVERY Olympic basketball game.  Thanks again… Meeelllloooo not even close to his goal of 10 boards, only bringing down 4…. Deron Williams looking like Common during the Opening Ceremonies, with the beard and the hat… Tayshaun looked truly amazed walking into the Bird’s Nest… Manu looked 10 years younger during the O.C., and then 10 years OLDER after Argentina lost it’s first game in a battle vs. Lithuania…

Line Of The Night:

DeShawn Stevenson — 33 points, 3 boards, 1 assist, 1 steal

We don’t know if it’s the coach, the spirit of the players, our just some sort of magic, but the Wizards might the be toughest, scrappiest team in the L. Their star player, Gilbert Arenas, has missed most of the season. Their next best, Caron Butler, his missed double-digit games. Yet and still, they are out there every game, competing, and have close to a .500 record. Last night, on the strength of Stevenson’s career night — most points he’s ever scored as well as his first game-winning shot — the Wiz knocked off Western Conference powerhouse, New Orleans. They might not have the most talent, but they are going to battle you fa sho doe.

Near Triple-Double Of The Night:

Jason Kidd — 11 points, 9 boards, 8 assists, 4 steals

New team, same old tricks. He’s doing his part, but we’re still not really convinced as to how much better he actually makes the Mavs. They won this one, though, 102-94 over <R. Kelly voice> Chiiiiiiiiii-whuuut? </R. Kelly singing voice>

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Atlanta Hawks 74 points vs. San Antonio Spurs

And it was the SPURS that only scored 5 points in the first quarter! This Hawks team is very talented, but still has a long way to go before they figure out the oh-so elusive skill of “knowing how to win”. Kurt Thomas knows how to win, and win he did in his Spurs debut. 9 boards in 13 minutes, young’ns.

LA Clip Joint 76 points vs. Boston Ceatles

This was the absolute worst we have seen a team play this year. It seemed like 90% of the time, one Clipper would just dribble the shot clock away and someone would have to force a shot. On one possession, Tim Thomas had the ball and was looking to pass into the post. It appeared the other guys were not running the play correctly, and Thomas appeared extremely frustrated, motioning vehemently at his teammates. Eventually he chased the ball down in a corner, and hit a shot from BEHIND the backboard, as the clock expired, and fumed his way back down the court! You know it’s bad when Tim Thomas has to be the one to get on his teammates!

Injury Of The Night:

Yao Ming is set to miss the rest of the season, due to a stress fracture in his left foot. This news comes at a terrible time, with the Rockets playing the best they have all year and riding a 12-game winning streak. Ouch, ouch, ouch. You would think this is great news for the other Western Conference teams on the Playoff Bubble — G-State and Denver — as it seems unlikely the T-Macs could hold onto the 6th spot. Stranger things have happened, though. Maybe Coach Adelman can just place the recently acquired Gerald Green in the low-post and have him jump straight up and down, in an attempt to fulfill their center needs?. FREE DIKEMBE!

The Pistons Being The Pistons Of The Night:

In Chauncey Billups return to Denver, the Pistons showed exactly what they are all about. In many situations like this, the individual will try to get his shine on for his homecoming, but not the team-orientated Detroit Pistons. Billups, Rip Hamilton and Tayshaun all went out and scored exactly 20 points, and the Pistons grinded out another road win. Pistons Power.

The Troy Murphy pump fake! Recognize. And maybe realize…

Another outstanding All-Star Weekend — L.O.N.’s favorite time of year.  We hate to see it end.

Line Of The Night AKA Near Triple-Double Of The Night:

LeBron James — 27 points, 9 assists, 8 boards, 2 steals, 2 blocks, 1 All-Star Game MVP Award

2 All-Star Game MVP awards at the age of 23?  Sick.  Ray Allen made a huge push for this award, going crazy from 3 in the 4th quarter to end up with 28 points.  However, in the final minute with the game’s outcome in the balance, EAT YOUR BREAKFAST happened!  LeBron served some delicious sauerkraut right in Dirk’s Mouth!  Wow.  Nowitzki is so worthless… step up!

Worst Of The Night:

This is a tie between Mr. Cryant and Reggie Miller.  Kobe hit us with a quick strike of awfulness, while Reggie Miller waged a long, hard-fought, campaign!  The Mailroom Supervisor sums up our Reggie feelings, a little later on.  As for Kobe, thanks for uselessly taking up a roster spot to play only 3 minutes with your stupid, messed up finger.  In one of the deepest potential All-Star classes in memory, Kobe had to waste a roster spot and make it all about him, parading around answering questions about his injury and gleefully showcasing his wrapped hand on the bench.

Boooooooooooooo-riiiiiiiiing Of The Night:

How boring were the marginal West selections?  When you’re practically forced to take Yao Ming, Tim Duncan and Nowitzki each year on the roster, you are already starting a little high on boring All-Stars meter.  Outstanding players (well, not Dirk, ha!), but just not fun guys to have in the All-Star game — Yao’s three’s and Duncan’s jokes (and three’s as well) notwithstanding.  So when you’re starting with that kind of disadvantage, can you please not force us to stomach Carlos Boozer, David West and Brandon Roy (that no-way-in-hell oop he attempted is Exhibit A)?  Come on.  Give us Boom Dizzle, Manu Ginobili, and Deron Williams!  Free Stephen Jackson.

The Mailroom Supervisor’s H.O.N.nie Of The NIght:

Chris Paul for being “a home team hero and not throwing up despite his nerves and being super-cute”

Runner-up for H.O.N.nie?  Ernie Johnson — for “having to deal with Charles Barkley and for saying ’spanked’ on national television”.

The MRSV’s N.O.T.tie Of The Night

Straight from the MRSV:  “Shut up, already, Reggie!  Not only are you ugly, but your voice sucks and your brain is stupid.”

Yikes.  We can’t argue with that.

Fashion Review Of The Night:

TNT did a particularly poor job of celebrity spotting and player shoe coverage, but we scoped what we could.

We loved the uniforms and the warm-ups, especially the West’s.  A lot of people were hating on the double-sided unis, but we were feeling ‘em.  Our favorite detail were the logos of past All-Star weekends on player’s warm-ups who had been on multiple teams.

Magic Johnson had on a nice gray and purple (the color of the weekend, it seemed) suit/tie combo.  His problem is that he’s getting a little too big for any suit to look right on him.

Harry Connick, Jr. really wanted to stand out, as he rocked neon-brown (yes, neon-brown!  At least when contrasted by his all black suit/shirt/tie) dress shoes.  Special All-Star editions, perhaps?  Were they stitched with H-Conn-JR?

Just in case a picnic broke out, assistant coach Darrell Walker was prepared, dipped out in an orange and blue table cloth.

On the court, Carmelo had a whole lot of leg stuff going on: red socks, white calf covers, and various other stuff.

As we mentioned, shoe coverage was minimal.  A big deal was made of Chris Paul’s dual-allegiance, though.  In the first half he wore the new Jordan XXIII’s (as did Melo), while in the second half he switched to his first signature shoe, which bore tributes to his deceased grandfather as well as his college coach, Skip Prosser.

Craig Sager also interviewed Steve Nash about his dogs, which were covered in shoes made from 100% recycled material.  However, the highlight of that exchange was Nash snatching Sager’s handkerchief, blowing his nose in it, and placing it back in Craig’s suit pocket!  Boom.

We also noticed LeBron, in an All-Star edition of his signature line, colored blue and gray like the East unis, as well as Iditarod with shiny gold feet.  No word if those meet official Iditarod racing specifications.

Non-MVP, MVP Of The Night:

Chris Paul — 16 points, 14 assists, 4 steals, 3 boards

The MVP winner almost always hinges on the outcome of the game, and this year’s award was no different.  If the West had come all the way back, hometown hero Chris Paul would have been the man.  He took over in the 4th, just like he does back on his Hornets squad.  It’s a beautiful thing when a point guard dominates a game.  It’s like he’s a puppet master controlling each of the other 9 guys on the court.  His size and abilities are similar to what might happen if you took Allen Iverson’s body, cut off half his brain, and put half of Steve Nash’s brain in.  Steven Ivasherson.  l Get used to this dude runnin’ thangs in mid-February for years to come.

Big Men Shooting 3’s Of The Night:

It’s become a time-honored All-Star tradition; big men, finally unbridled, step out for an attempt at a little 3-point glory.  There was more glory than usual this year, as Yao (0-2), Amare (1-2), Duncan (0-1, and he had another, just toeing the line that he banked in ON PURPOSE), and Rasheed Wallace (1-5, mostly left-handed!) were all in the mix.  Commentator Doug Collins even joked about it, suggesting coach Byron Scott was inserting Yao back into the lineup for his needed 3-point touch.  The moral of the story (word to Saigon) though?  ‘Sheed’s left-handed long-range gun is more potent than almost every other big man shooting with their strong hand!

D-Wade Of The Night:

Dwyane Wade — 14 points, 4 boards, 3 assists, 1 block

At one point, after a Wade miscue, the L.O.N. C.E.O. jokingly said that D-Wade is “over-the-hill”, but actually, had some of the more entertaining highlights on the night.  First, he took Big Dirk to the hole, bringing back memories of the Heat/Mavs Finals.  Then, in the third quarter, he came with the Jordanesque, back-to-the-basket, wrist-slap, over-head-flip-shot, and-1!  Beautiful.  Finally, he sealed the game by STUFFING Big Dirk at the 3-point line!  Jeez… Big Dirk gets absolutely and consistently abused when surrounded by great players.

David West the only player to have his name on the front AND back of this jersey.  WEST on WEST, FOOLS!  It almost makes us want another Westside Connection album, just so they can all rock that jersey in the video…  TNT’s new backboard stat pop-out is weird and unnecessary, but we like it… Steve Nash needs to shoot more in the regular season games… Jason Kidd guarded Dirk at one point.  Oh the intrigue!… Nashty assists a Dirk turnaround.  Oh the memories!… Is Nash going to develop a jealous rage against Kidd?  Or LeBron vs. Dirk?  This week, on “As The Aging Unloaded Star Turns”… Stop calling fouls, refs!… The Nash/Paul back court was AWESOME… Gotta love the triple-alley-oop, featured as #3 in this countdown… Amare served Dwight Howard some scrumptious breakfast.  #2 in that same video…

Line Of The Night AKA Beast Of The Night:

Brad Miller — 22 points, 20 boards, 4 assists, 4 steals, 2 blocks

We see a player of the week award in this man’s future.  He has been dominating the post for the Kings lately, perhaps playing the best basketball of his career.  It was no different in last night’s win over the Bulls.  B-MEEZY!!!  Can the Kings lock up that 10th seed out West?  Can they be the 11th Western Conference team with a .500+ record?

Yao/Yi II Of The Night:

Yao Ming — 12 points, 12 boards, 3 blocks, 2 assists

Yi Jianlian — 7 boards, 6 points on 1-10 shooting, 2 assists, 1 block

In a clunker of a game, watched by 100 million+ people, both of the main attractions struggled.  Houston won 91-83, largely due to that OTHER guy — Tracy McGradles.  T-Mac went for an All-Star-like 33/11/6/1/1, despite the fact he will miss All-Star weekend for the first time since 2000.  Interesting fact about this match-up, beyond it’s Chinese implications?  When these two teams get together, 6 continents are represented:  Africa — Dikembe Mutombo, Asia — Yao and Yi, Australia — Andrew Bogut, Europe — Dan Gadzuric, North America — Everyone else, and South America — Luis Scola.  Global game for reals, son.

Shut Up Of The Night:

Before the Yao/Yi II, the Houston coaching staff erroneously placed Mike James on the active list twice, accidentally leaving Milwaukee hometown hero, Steve Novak, off the active list.  The fact that this was the second time a visiting team to Brew City had committed such an error, coupled with Novak’s hometown status, this was a newsworthy item — worth mentioning once at the start of the contest, and maybe again later in the game.  3.89 billion mentions?  HELL NO.  SHUT UP, already!  The announcers kept harping on it, over and over and over and over again.  Dude averages 9.3 minutes in 7 games!  NON-FACTOR.  Give it a rest.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Dallas Mavs 67 points on Super Bowl Sunday vs. Detroit

Wow.  What were the Mavs doing Saturday night in the D?  Partying and setting off fireworks at Jerry Stackhouse’s lake-side house?  Maybe a trip across the Ambassador Bridge to lovely Windsor?  Whatever it was, they were still hungover for this afternoon match-up.  Maybe they just REALLY want Jason Kidd as a teammate, so they decided to go into a teenager-like sulk.

Trade Of The Night:

Lakers get:

Pau Gasol
2010 2nd Round Draft Pick

Grizzlies get:

Kwame Brown and his expiring contract
Jarvaris Crittenton
Aaron McKie (soon to be released)
The rights to Marc Gasol
2008 1st Round Draft Pick
2010 1st Round Draft Pick
Cash consideration

Wow.  Where did this come from?  Gasol’s name hadn’t been at the top of the headlines lately, as far as stars getting moved, and then this happens?  The Lakers have officially declared themselves as top contenders now, by acquiring an All-Star-type player without giving up ANY current contributors (GOOD contributors, at least… Kwame is probably addition by subtraction).  When Andrew Bynum returns from injury, they can trot out a lineup that can match ANYONE in talent:  Derek Fisher, Kobe Bryant, Lamar Odom, Pau Gasol, and Andrew Bynum.  That is scary for the rest of the L.  It’s even scarier for fantasy owners, as Odom, Gasol and Bynum all probably take a hit, but we all know that no amount of surrounding talent in the world can hold Cryant down from getting his!

As for Grizz?  Straight business, homey.  This is all about clearing cap space and creating future flexibility.  The odd part is that Gasol is a REAL talent.  The Lakers’ 1st rounders are going to be late 1st-round picks, so the Grizz are unlikely to find another Gasol… unless you count his brother, Marc.  In our opinion the Grizz already had a nice foundation with Gasol, Miller and their young point guards.  We ain’t up on their accounting books, though.

Damon Stoudamire signs with the Spurs… Earl Boykins signs with the Bobcats… Physicals still not completed, Gasol yet to make debut.  Maybe Grizz GM Chris Wallace should be required to take a mental exam?… Although his stats haven’t been overly impressive, with Jameer Nelson out with an injury, Carlos Arroyo has led the Magic to a 7-1 record over the last 8…