L.O.N.

Waking up to the pedestrian voices of Rick Carlisle and Dave Pasch (who? what?), the L.O.N. offices had no idea what was in store for them. Even the disjointed first quarter of the Cavs/Wizards game belied the amazing that was about to happen over the course of the day.

Line Of The Night:

Tim Duncan — 40 points, 15 boards, 5 assists, 3 blocks, 1 steal

Who is the best player in the NBA, again? Who? Also, this game clarified a lot about the Spurs. They are definitely too old. Their window has closed.

Seriously though… if this series continues to play out like the first game, it is going to be beyond classic. But if the games are close like this, will it even be a contest? The Suns are not built for the clutch. The Nash/Stoudemire pick-and-roll proved highly effective throughout the game, but it is not really a “final shot” type play. They looked decent before Amare fouled out, but in total, 2 of their 4 clutch shots were taken by Boris Diaw and Leandro Barbosa. You tell us — who would you want shooting your clutch shots? Manu Ginobili, Michael Finley and Tim Duncan or Steve Nash, Diaw and Barbosa? The answer was obvious, in Game 1.

Near Jason Kidd Of The Night:

Jason Kidd — 11 points, 9 assists, 9 boards, 2 steals

Veteran 0, young gun 1. Kidd was pwned by CP3 (35/10/3) in this one. The team defense of Dallas as a whole is going to have to improve to contain the young fella. CP3 and the Hornets answered any and all questions about their legitimacy, while reminding us that regular season results in head-to-head match ups really do not matter. People put way too much stock in Dallas’ win earlier in the week, and way too LITTLE stock in their complete collapse in the Playoffs last year. It is interesting that they may have run into the rowdiest crowd of the Playoffs for the 2nd straight year, and it is even more interesting that Dirk is so worthless. Dirk and Dampier may be one of the weakest frontcourts on a supposed contender in NBA history. They have no answer for the Paul-to-Tyson-Chandler oop, and even Hilton Armstrong was catching a little wreck. Paging Desagana Diop… paging Desagana Diop…

Near Beast Of The Night:

Antawn Jamison — 23 points, 19 boards, 2 assists

24 shots though? Gilbert was 8-16 for 24 points, so he got his, but shouldn’t some of Jamison’s gone to Tough Juice? All-Star Caron Butler seemed very passive in this one, with a sub par 14 point night on 10 shots. He needs to take a cue from those Cleveland Playoff t-shirts and rise up if the Wiz want to win.

And what is up with Twantown absolutely losing his mind over some trivial pushing and shoving between LeBron and Brendan Haywood? That is a side of ‘Tawn with which we are not familiar. He is otherwise so calm and collected, coming across as downright distinguished in his interviews describing his early Playoff memories. He is clearly a nominee for a starring role in various NBA retrospectives in about 20 or 30 years — you know, the old cat reminiscing about the game, Black Magic style. But during that non-fight, he looked like Kurt Thomas had taken over his soul, eyes popping, arms flailing. At the beginning of the Spurs game, Thomas’ crazy eyes were rather calm… maybe his soul had not yet returned.

But on the reals… the Andray Blatche shot to LeBron’s face, followed by the non-fight, really seemed to shake the King out of a malaise. Ya’ll really need to let that man be.

The Mailroom Supervisor’s H.O.N.nie Of The Night:

And the H.O.N.nie goes too… a MRSV favorite, Gilbert Arenas. The MRSV: “Welcome back! Here comes trouble.”

Honorable Mention goes to a newcomer on the MRSV’s radar, Chris Paul, about whom she says: “He’s hot!”.

Ol’ Unfaithful Of The Night:

Andrei Kirilenko == 21 points, 4 boards, 3 assists, 2 steals, 1 block

Like clockwork, the Old Faithful geyser in Yellowstone National Park will erupt about every 60-90 minutes. Like clockwork, you never know what the hell Andrei Kirilenko is going to erupt for. Despite a very average second half of the regular season, AK47 came out on fire on Saturday, playing well in all phases of the game. You could see it immediately, as he ran out of the tunnel with a huge smile on his face. What in the hell… did he cash in his freebie card in the training room before the game? Whatever it is, the Jazz may actually need him to get through this series. The Rockets did not exactly play their best game — although it may have been all this group can muster — and T-Mac may not disappear in the 4th quarter in the rest of the games.

The HD Effect Of The Night:

When you see most of your basketball via the League Pass (not HD) on a TV meant for HD, as we here at L.O.N. do, you are often “treated” to game after game broadcasted with a very low picture quality. For certain teams (like the Wiz and the Hornets from today’s action, for example) that have few national HDTV appearances, this blurred/grainy image becomes part of the team. Then the Playoffs, where HD happens, start, and it is like a whole new world! We did not know what to do, today, with a HD quadruple-header — a marathon of basketball beauty. These blurred teams look like butterflies coming out of the cocoon. It is quite the phenomenon. We even thought we liked those black and gold Wizards joints.

In the clutch: Lebron 1, Gilbert 0. But that 3 at the end of the 1st quarter was sick… Somebody finally got the King some clippers for his sideline grooming!… How ridiculous is LeBron’s snow-white Maybach with the “KNG OF OH” license plate?… We obviously missed out on the details of the Cavs various trades this season. When did they acquire Frederick Douglass’ great-great-grandson?… Those were some big-ass Swooshes on Brendan Haywood’s Nikes… Michael Jordan “Maybe It’s My Fault” ad. Classic… GILBERT FOR 3!!!… VAN-GUN-DY! VAN-GUN-DY! VAN-GUN-DY!… Tony Parker, Jacque Vaughn and Boris Diaw. One of these things is not like the other one, but they are still the French Connection… Michael Finley looks like his barber took it just a little bit too high… D-Wade and Star Jones?… The Peja heads!… WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!…

Every game last night involving at least one Western Conference team ended up with a double-digit margin of victory.  Things that make you go hmmmmm…

Line Of The Night:

Mike Bibby — 26 points, 12 assists, 6 boards, 3 steals

The difference.  After beating the Raptors last night in OT, the Hawks have now won 5 straight, and seem very likely to make the Playoffs.  Bibby has been exactly the stabilizing force A-T-L expected when they traded for him.  This win did not come without controversy, though, as a T.J. Ford game-winning shot at the end of regulation was said to come after the buzzer.  However, replays seem to show that the clock was started a little to soon on the play.  Could we have a SECOND A-T-Lien game this season protested and re-played?  Teams like Dirty Jerse, Indy and The Chi, with Playoff hopes still alive, probably hope so.  You know what they say… if you ain’t cheatin’, you aint’ tryin’.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Indiana Pacers, 77 points vs. Boston Celtics

Playas and playettes, welcome to the 1st Round of the Eastern Conference Playoffs!  This game paired with A-T-L’s 5th straight win actually puts Indy 4 games out, but still, even if it’s the Hawks, the 1st Round could have a lot of games this nasty.

Miami Heat, 77 points vs. New Orleans Hornets

If this team really was contracted tomorrow, it’s possible literally none of their active players would be picked up by anyone else in the league.

Back In The Hizzouse Part I Of The Night:

Gilbert Arenas — 20 minutes, 17 points, 2 assists, 1 board

Controversy always surrounds Agent 0.  His first game back coincided with a blown 4th quarter lead to the lowly Bucks, who pulled off an unlikely win after relative unknown point guard Ramon Sessions hit a buzzer-beater.  Of all the players coming back, Arenas wins the award for most likely to be more trouble than he’s worth… at least that’s the perception.

Back In The Hizzouse Part II Of The Night:

Dirk Nowitzki — 18 points, 5 boards, 1 block

His line was decent, but he seemed to have more of a “Willis Reed In The Finals” effect on this game, inspiring his team to a superb effort.  The Mavs absolutely crushed the Warriors, knocking them out of the Playoffs for the time being.  This was the most bizarre of all the comebacks, as the Mavs fronted the whole day as if Dirk wasn’t playing, only to have him in the starting lineup at game time.  How bizarre… what a terrible song.

Back In The Hizzouse Part III Of The Night:

Elton Brand — 19 points, 5 boards, 3 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

Robot or man?  After missing the first 74 games of the season, Brand stepped onto the court against the Sonics last night as if nothing had happened.  His machine-like efficiency is back in full m-f-ing effizzect.  Clip Joint for mayor.

Back In The Hizzouse Part IV Of The Night:

Pau Gasol — 10 points, 7 assists, 6 boards, 1 steal, 1 block

We smell conspiracy.  C-O-N-spiracy!  Why the hell did all these guys came back on the same night?  Call David Stern!  Call the FBI!  We want answers!

Rookie Of The Night:

Javaris Crittenton — 23 points, 9 boards, 4 assists, 1 steal

The rook went for a career-high against the… oh, it was the Knicks, so this may actually count as an exhibition or something.  And you thought the NY Gods had mailed it in before?  Just watch ‘em now that Isiah Thomas is REALLY a lame duck coach after the hiring of Donnie Walsh.

Bored Miami Heat announcer dropped this gem after a failed Julian Wright tip dunk attempt: “Third of the flying Wright Brothers — Julian Wright!”… The Play Of The Night was definitely Rudy Gay’s and-1, which he tossed up from BEHIND the backboard.  No UCLA rule in Memphis, either, we guess… G-G-G-G-G-UUUUUUU-NIIT!

Vegas. March Madness. House guests. Yeah, at L.O.N. we make excuses. We know ya’ll are feeling L.O.N.nie withdrawal, but want to know the real reason we’re back? The Charlotte Bobcats just won 3 straight road games on the West Coast! A higher power is definitely telling us something. And the time for our Chris Paul for MVP campaign is waning.

Line Of The Night:

LeBron James — 26 points, 9 boards, 9 assists, 3 steals, 1 block

This came vs. Philly in the 2nd of a back-to-back. Following a horrid Saturday night (see below) for the Cavs, Sunday saw them get back on track with a win over the young upstart of the Eastern Conference.

Jason Kidd Of The Night:

Caron Butler — 17 points, 12 boards, 12 assists, 2 steals, 1 block

Looks like when/if Gilbert comes back, he will be coming back to Caron’s team. Butler has his imprint all over this Wizards squad now, and it was almost enough to take down the Kobster and the Lakers on Sunday night. The Lake Show ended up having just enough to close out a 6-point OT win.

Near Jason Kidd Of The Night:

Jason Kidd — 14 assists, 13 points, 9 boards, 1 steal

An aging Kidd is a prime example of why Kenny Smith pays stat sheets no attention. For Kidd the triple-doubles (especially when playing in Oaktown!) flow like water, but the wins flow like molasses; there is no longer a correlation between the two. The 114-104 Warriors win left the West’s playoff race in perhaps it’s most muddled state to date. These two squads and the Nuggets now find themselves locked in a dead 3-way tie for 7-9 spots, but in 3 distinct spots on the momentum chart — Mavs sinking, Nuggets rising, and Warriors sitting right where they have been all year.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Miami Heat, 62 vs. Boston Celtics

There is really no polite way to describe what is going on with the Heat right now, so we will stick to the facts. Kasib Powell played 40 minutes. Blake Ahearn, Joel Anthony and Stephane Lasem all played 20+. The team shot 28.8%, making only 17 field goals. Rob Bironas might have had more than that for the Titans in one game this past NFL season.

Cleveland Cavaliers, 71 vs. Detroit Pistons

The Pistons have been teetering a bit, of late, but it appears when they are fully focused, they are still the same ol’ Stones. Remember this, though: Detroit has not one a title since the departure of Mehmet Okur. And that’s real.

Rookie Of The Night:

Al Thornton — 39 points, 5 steals, 3 boards, 2 assists.

He lit up the Grizz (okay, that might just downplay the whole issue), showing that the Clip Joint may have found the best pure scorer in the history of their organization. That’s an “off the top of the dome” comment, but if it’s not true, we’d love to hear the other challengers. Terry Dehere? A 50 year-old ‘Nique? The Polish Rifle in his prime?

We still don’t really know what David West does, but damn if he doesn’t have 30 and 10 at the end of the night more often than you’d think… The Spurs won their 7th straight, resurrecting themselves from the media’s graveyard for the 2nd time this season… Rashad McCants for 6th Man Of The Year in 2008-2009. Get your campaign contributions in, now… Surprise, surprise. Now Derek Fisher has an injury excuse just like his good friend and P-N-C Kobe…

Line Of The Night:

Baron Davis — 38 points, 9 boards, 8 assists, 3 steals, 1 block

What a stark contrast to watch the Warriors and Suns play after two straight days of college basketball tourneys.  These pros are good.  Boom Dizzle had it all going last night, but his teammates seemed to run out of juice in the 2nd night of a back-to-back, against Phoenix.  Looks like the Suns are starting to figure this Shaq thing out.

Beast Of The Night:

Josh Smith — 22 boards, 16 points, 2 assists, 2 steals, 1 block

The rare small forward beast.  The sick part is, his potential is barely tapped since it’s unclear how much ethic and basketball IQ he has.  Imagine the possibilities of Smith with Tyler Hansbrough’s mentality?

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Atlanta Hawks, 75 points vs. the Houston Rockets

No wonder Smith had so many boards… the A-T-Liens couldn’t shoot!  But that’s what happens when you go up against the Houston juggernaut!  What a great story.  The team is displaying the camaraderie of a college Cinderella (even though Jordan is telling us there is no Cinderella) team and it’s just fun to watch.  The Rockets could potentially get the #1 seed in the West!  20-0.  McGradles for MVP!?!??!?!

San Antonio Spurs, 75 points vs. the New Orleans Hornets

David West came back with a vengeance, dropping 29 and 10 on the heads of the reigning champs.  Give Manu the ball!  He only had 11 points on 5-10 shooting.

The Unpaid Intern On Location Of The Night:

Editor’s Note:  Sorry for delay in publishing this, but it’s karma.  The Unpaid Intern should not have waited so late in the season to go to an NBA game.

Friday, March 7, 2008, Madison Square Garden, NYC — There will never be a day when “I just got 10th row tickets to the Knicks game” will come as bad news.  In fact, it will always be great news–especially when the Knicks are hosting the Detroit Pistons.  Our seats were behind the basket, just about eye-level with the players.  Free and great. There were plenty of Pistons fans in attendance, although we can’t claim to have had any sort of faux home court advantage like the L.O.N. C.E.O. witnessed at the Clipper’s game.  After one of our Deeeee-troit Baaaaaasket-ball calls, one Knicks fan told us to go back to Detroit.  That’s fun.

The night started off with one bad and one good surprise.  The good was that newly acquired Piston Theo Ratliff was not only suited up, but starting.  The bad was that there was no sign of Rasheed Wallace. So unlike the L.O.N. C.E.O., we were not privy to Sheed’s infamous pre-game dance ritual–which would have been right by us.  The team still did some kind of dance-huddle, but it wasn’t the same.  As a big Rasheed fan, it was a pretty big disappointment for him to have the night off for what will probably be the only Piston’s game I’ll see in person this year.

The Pistons started out cold, perhaps still feeling whatever it was that led to that terrible game against Boston.  But soon enough the score was tied, then the Stones were up by 15 and the world seemed right.  The Knicks fought hard until the end though, and were within striking distance.  But when you’re sending Chauncey to the line at the end, you can pretty much take the W to the bank.

The Billups-Crawford match-up was fun to watch.  J-Creezy can ball, too bad he plays for a terrible team/organization right now.  Rip got tossed, like an idiot, for running his mouth.  If there’s one thing we’d like to see the Pistons do, it’s button those lips and just play basketball.  Detroit is a tough as nails, blue collar city, not a crybaby blabbermouth town.  Get it right.  Watching Eddy Curry play makes me wonder how many guys in the league don’t really enjoy basketball.  Sometimes it seems like Curry is only out there because he happens to be a giant and it’s a good way to make a living.  He looks sad and bored and like he’d rather be somewhere else.  Never a good look when you’re a cornerstone of the franchise.  And I think that if I were a Knicks fan, I would want to vomit every time I saw Renaldo Balkman.  Ugh.

Perhaps the best part of the night, for me as a Piston fan, was seeing the young guns out there.  The trio of Amir Johnson, Jason Maxiell and Rodney Stuckey looked solid.  They still need a few years, but there’s the young core of a possible future dynasty there.  It was the first time I’d really seen Stuckey play and it looks like he’s got “it” — that confidence and killer instinct, coupled with superb athletic ability.  Sometimes you see a rookie out there, looking timid and unsure (see Dorell Wright’s first three years).  Stuckey had none of that hesitation; I think he’s going to be a special player.  And that’s not to take anything away from Amir, who could grow into a possible Amare-style beast, and Maxiell, who has already shown that his grit and hustle transitions to the NBA game.

In famous person news, there were numerous NY Rangers seated in the front row near us, as well as fan-favorite and former Red Wing Brendan Shanahan.  Spike Lee was in attendance, as usual, and even got involved by standing up and shagging down a ball, talking some smack as he handed it back to the ref.  And Aaron Ross, rookie DB for the Super Bowl Champion Giants got an ovation and was mobbed for autographs by kids as he made his way down the aisle.

The Garden is such a great atmosphere, it’s too bad Isiah and James Dolan have basically ruined that team.

Pistons win in a game that was much closer than it should have been.  101-97.

Green-on-green crime:  Boston stomps Seattle 111-82… Philly will play anyone, anywhere, anytime.  Wednesday they knocked off the Pistons in the Palace… Tough Juice back in the house.  Caron Butler scores 19 and gets a win for Washington, over Cleveland, in his return to the lineup… Bruce Bowen suspended for Friday’s game, after hitting Chris Paul with his leg on Wednesday.  This ends the current longest consecutive games played streak at 500… Smush Parker, back in business after signing with the Clip Joint.  Maybe they read our Dickau rant!… LeBron James becomes only the third man to ever appear on Vogue, AND he’s moving in on Tom Brady’s woman!

Wednesday night was full of sound and fury signifying a lot of nothing — a ton of games, but mostly blowouts. There were a lot of stand-out individual performances, at least.

Line AKA Who Is Playing The Knicks Tonight? Of The Night:

LeBron James — 50 points, 10 assists, 8 boards, 4 steals***

***DISCLAIMER: Stats achieved against the NY Knicks may not be valid in all states in the continental U.S. Void where prohibited.

But despite all that… SICK. And he called it against Spike! At one point LeBron could be seen mouthing “50″ to the famed court side director, and then he did it! To make the the evening slightly more surreal, as the game ended, a fan in a James jersey rushed the floor to kiss the King’s ring. Wild.

Worst Of The Night:

Dan Dickau — 20 points, 4 boards, 4 assists

Last night’s performance notwithstanding, Elgin Baylor and the Clippers continuously have TERRIBLE backup point guards. Doug Overton, anyone? This year’s addition to the club is Dan Dickau. Now, it’s one thing to sort of go with a guy as a last resort. You know the situation — everyone gets hurt, and a team signs a guy to a 10-day contract, just to get by. Not the Clips; they went out and traded for Dickau prior to the season! Now, Dickau has a great shot and a beautiful mop of curly hair. What is his biggest weakness, you might ask. He is slower than molasses on a winter day. Inserting him into your lineup GUARANTEES that you will be running a slow down, plodding style. And don’t let the other team decide to pressure him all the way up the court! That is a nightmare. While he has the ball-handling ability to eventually get the ball across half-court, it comes with excruciating effort and a solid 6 seconds off the shot clock. Not only is this painful to watch, but it’s a terribly ineffective way to play basketball. We can only pray this madness will end this off-season, but expecting it to would be to ignore history.

Beast Of The Night:

Kendrick Perkins — 20 boards, 10 points, 2 blocks, 1 assist

With the Pistons throwing up brick after brick (36% shooting), SOMEONE was bound to put up a line like this.

Near Beast Of The Night:

Shaq O’Neal — 18 boards, 12 points, 2 assists

The rebounding was there against the Nuggets, but the defense — both individual and team — was not. It is still very much a work in progress in the desert.

Near Distribution Center Of The Night:

Chris Paul — 23 points, 18 assists, 2 steals, 2 boards

M-V-P! M-V-P! M-V-P! We’ll take it… anybody but Mr. Cryant.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Detroit Pistons 78 points vs. the Boston Ceatles

The Pistons are known to put up a clunker like this every now and again, and facing the C’s on the road, in the 2nd of a back-to-back, is not exactly an ideal situation. However, they knew they weren’t getting it done on the offensive end, and used their trademark D to keep it closer than the final score would make it appear. This playoff series is going to be a classic… unless LeBron ruins it!

Minnesota T-Wolves 76 points vs. the Utah Jazz

At least there are some things we can rely on in this mad, mad world. Utah = money, at home.

Rookies Of The Night:

Jared Dudley — 18 boards, 10 points, 2 blocks, 1 steal, 1 assist

Getting extended minutes due to Gerald Wallace’s injury, Dudley is turning out to be everything he was billed to be — a tough, gritty, ball hound. He’s a guy you want on your team. His Bobcats teammates agree, as he helped garner a win against the playoff hopeful Warriors.

Al Thornton — 27 points, 5 boards, 4 blocks

This guy is quickly becoming the go-to guy for the Clip Joint. He’s still a little unrefined and rookie-ish, but his heart definitely does not pump Kool-Aid down the stretch. He’ll shoot it anywhere any time, and he shot the Clips to victory against the Kings in double-OT, this time around. He probably had the play of the night, as well, with his baseline, up-and-under, and-1 dunk.

The Boston crowd was great for the C’s/Pistons game… Julian Wright reached waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back for the tip dunk!… LeBron’s near-half-court YANK to end the first half was ridiculous in it’s apparent ease… Jason Richardson drops 42 against his old mates from G-State… KEVIN JOHNSON FOR MAYOR! Literally. The Ex-Phoenix Sun is running for mayor of Sacramento… Theo Ratliff comes back home to the Pistons… P.J. Brown brings some more veteran presence to the C’s…

Line Of The Night:

Deron Williams — 20 assists, 17 points, 5 boards, 2 blocks

The new Jason Kidd bests the old version, as Utah beats Dallas to move even in the standings.  To us, Dallas has some serious flaws that are not going to bode well.  Kidd cannot guard any of the point guards in the West (Williams, Tony Parker, Chris Paul, Baron Davis) and their supposed best player folds like Phil Helmuth to an overbet, when the going gets tough.  If they get out of the first round it will be an upset.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Dirty Jers Nets 70 points vs. San Antonio

Mark it down.  Spurs win ‘08 NBA title.  It’s a wrap.  Shutting down a team that is traveling and has probably mailed it in already, is always a strong indicator of championship success, right?

Near Beast Of The Night:

Tyson Chandler — 18 boards, 15 points, 1 assist***

This stat line comes with the standard New York Knicks disclaimer, but the Hornets don’t care, as they just needed the win.  They’ve been going through a bit of a rough patch, which seemed to start right when they had risen to the top of the West standings and started receiving all the hype.

Amare’s Bed And Breakfast Of The Night:

Tonight’s guest?  Joel Przybilla.  As you might expect from a 7-footer, the big fella has a big appetite.  First, he enjoyed a tall stack of buckwheat pancakes with a side of bacon.  EAT YOUR BREAKFAST!!!  But that wasn’t enough, as Chef Stoudemire had a second serving of breakfast — this time a healthy fruit plate — for Mr. P later on in the game.  Tasty, yet nasty.

Al Thornton goes 20 and 10 against Philly.  Too bad that 10 was in the turnovers column and the Clippers get murdered again… Brad Miller had a sick and-1 on Luke Walton last night… Chris “Birdman” Andersen the Western Conference X-Factor?  He’s back on the Hornets roster after a 2-year drug suspension… Sam Cassell officially signs with the Ceatles… Phoenix signs Gordan Giricek… The Kings, up big throughout last night’s game, got Kobe-ed in the 4th, losing 117-05…

Line Of The Night:

Kobe Cryant — 52 points, 11 boards, 4 assists, 2 blocks, 1 steal

Alas, we cannot deny him the L.O.N.nie today.  However, with all this M-V-P talk, we cannot agree, although it is looking likely that he might be close enough to win the good ol’ lifetime achievement type MVP award.  Let’s face it, at the beginning of the year, the Lakers had to prove themselves to the Kobster, so the Lakers were really winning IN SPITE OF Kobe.  Not that he wasn’t playing hard, but his motives were questionable, at best.  Then you have Kevin Garnett.  He truly turned around an entire franchise.  He put his stamp on the Boston Ceatles, and has led them to the best record in the L.  If the Lakers end up with that spot, maybe we can’t argue.  But for now, our vote would go to K.G.

Near Triple-Double Of The Night:

Hedo Turkoglu — 25 points, 10 assists, 8 boards***

Beast Of The Night:

Dwight Howard — 26 points, 22 boards, 3 steals, 2 blocks, 1 assist***

***DISCLAIMER:  Please note, stat lines achieved vs. the New York Knicks will not be honored in a court of law.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Los Angeles Clip Joint 73 points vs. Detroit Pistons

L.O.N. was in the house for this one, and basketball-wise, it was a debacle.  In their current carnation, injuries are forcing players on the court that probably should not be in the League.  Sure, Chris Kaman showed some decent post play early, but ‘Sheed shut him down in the second half.  Corey Maggette dropped 22, but on 5-15 shooting.  After that? Strictly D-League.  Exhibit A:  Dan Dickau.  He had to strain every possession just to get the ball past half-court.  It was painful.  Dude is simply not quick enough for this level.

The Pistons, on the other hand, despite Chauncey Billups being back in the D due to personal reasons, came out on a mission.  Inspired emotionally by ‘Sheed (his pre-game dance routine is even better, in person) and directed on the court by point foward Tayshaun Prince, they went out and dominated a game that had to be hard to get up for.  It probably helped they were playing on a virtual home away from home.  Chants of “Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-troit Bas-Ket-Baaaaaaaaaaaaall” and calls of “‘Sheeeeeeeeeeeeed” rained down from all corners of the Staples Center.  And the highlight of the night (at least basketball-wise… unfortunately, much to the chagrin of L.O.N., the noise levels were the highest for the stupid Red Panda Acrobat)?  WALTER HERMANN!  Who knew he is the Argentinian Dr. J?  In garbage time, he used his chance at PT to showcase his wild, one-handed lay-up style.  The crowd was going wild.

Other notes:  Several L.A. Connections for the Pistons: Amir Johnson, Aaron Afflalo, and  Tayshaun Prince, all back home… We wanted to murder the stupid fan next to us.  The worst offense was when he told his girlfriend that “Joe Dumars owns the Pistons”…

LeBron’s dunk at the end of the game vs. the Bulls was emphatic and niiiiiice… It’s good to see Larry Hughes balling out, with the reins off, in the Chi, but it’s disconcerting to think he is happier, ala Shawn Marion, on a non-contender, than on a contender… Think Jason Kidd proved why he should be in the game at the end, to Avery?  That was a perfect pass to setup Dirk for the 3… Erick Dampier, with 17 boards and 16 points, is back on the fantasy map, but you’ve gotta think think Avery is more than a little nervous going into the playoffs with that guy as his only true pivot…

Line Of The Night:

Monta Ellis — 30 points, 6 boards, 4 assists, 1 steal

An L.O.N. Revolutionary, and definitely one of our favorite players to watch in the L. Boom Dizzle and Captain Jack may be the heart and soul of this Warriors squad, but Ellis is that third consistent piece that keeps the scoreboard lit up. After this win vs. Seattle, they now have their eyes on the 7th seed and the Yao-less Rockets.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Washington Wiz 69 points vs. Houston Rockets

Just one night after we gave some serious praise to the Wiz, they go out and betray us like this. Damn, homeys. It was the perfect storm of bad-timing for the Wiz, though. You knew a let down was coming after their last second victory the night before, and on the other side, with the news of Yao’s injury, the Rockets were on some serious “let’s all band together” type-ish. The result was a People’s Elbow style smackdown.

Rookie Of The Night:

Spencer Hawes — 16 points, 2 assists, 2 boards, 1 steal

With the Kings getting molly-whopped in Wade County, Hawes received a little extra run. Who knew he was a 7-foot spot-up jump-shooting guard? Maybe it’s just the tip of the iceberg, and not his full game, but we’ve seen him running off screens and firing corner 3’s more often then any legit post-up game. Not sure what planet we were on last year, but we were under the impression he was more of a traditional center.

Pure Glory Of The Night:

5.9 left on the clock. Score-tied. Michael Redd receives the inbounds pass. He dribbles down and crosses half-court. He pulls up, 4-feet behind the three-point line, in Zoolander’s eye… BANG! The crowd goes wild! Insanity ensues!

Is there anything better than a game-winning shot in basketball? Milwaukee is a lowly team in the Eastern Conference in the middle of a forgettable season. But when the LeBron-led Cavs come in, and the home squad beats them at the buzzer behind a shot from their star player? Unforgettable. Raw elation all around, as the crowd went wild, the announcers went wild, and the players and coaches went wild. They will remember this moment for a long time. Where Amazing Happens.

Line Of The Night:

DeShawn Stevenson — 33 points, 3 boards, 1 assist, 1 steal

We don’t know if it’s the coach, the spirit of the players, our just some sort of magic, but the Wizards might the be toughest, scrappiest team in the L. Their star player, Gilbert Arenas, has missed most of the season. Their next best, Caron Butler, his missed double-digit games. Yet and still, they are out there every game, competing, and have close to a .500 record. Last night, on the strength of Stevenson’s career night — most points he’s ever scored as well as his first game-winning shot — the Wiz knocked off Western Conference powerhouse, New Orleans. They might not have the most talent, but they are going to battle you fa sho doe.

Near Triple-Double Of The Night:

Jason Kidd — 11 points, 9 boards, 8 assists, 4 steals

New team, same old tricks. He’s doing his part, but we’re still not really convinced as to how much better he actually makes the Mavs. They won this one, though, 102-94 over <R. Kelly voice> Chiiiiiiiiii-whuuut? </R. Kelly singing voice>

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Atlanta Hawks 74 points vs. San Antonio Spurs

And it was the SPURS that only scored 5 points in the first quarter! This Hawks team is very talented, but still has a long way to go before they figure out the oh-so elusive skill of “knowing how to win”. Kurt Thomas knows how to win, and win he did in his Spurs debut. 9 boards in 13 minutes, young’ns.

LA Clip Joint 76 points vs. Boston Ceatles

This was the absolute worst we have seen a team play this year. It seemed like 90% of the time, one Clipper would just dribble the shot clock away and someone would have to force a shot. On one possession, Tim Thomas had the ball and was looking to pass into the post. It appeared the other guys were not running the play correctly, and Thomas appeared extremely frustrated, motioning vehemently at his teammates. Eventually he chased the ball down in a corner, and hit a shot from BEHIND the backboard, as the clock expired, and fumed his way back down the court! You know it’s bad when Tim Thomas has to be the one to get on his teammates!

Injury Of The Night:

Yao Ming is set to miss the rest of the season, due to a stress fracture in his left foot. This news comes at a terrible time, with the Rockets playing the best they have all year and riding a 12-game winning streak. Ouch, ouch, ouch. You would think this is great news for the other Western Conference teams on the Playoff Bubble — G-State and Denver — as it seems unlikely the T-Macs could hold onto the 6th spot. Stranger things have happened, though. Maybe Coach Adelman can just place the recently acquired Gerald Green in the low-post and have him jump straight up and down, in an attempt to fulfill their center needs?. FREE DIKEMBE!

The Pistons Being The Pistons Of The Night:

In Chauncey Billups return to Denver, the Pistons showed exactly what they are all about. In many situations like this, the individual will try to get his shine on for his homecoming, but not the team-orientated Detroit Pistons. Billups, Rip Hamilton and Tayshaun all went out and scored exactly 20 points, and the Pistons grinded out another road win. Pistons Power.

The Troy Murphy pump fake! Recognize. And maybe realize…

Line Of The Night:

LeBr.O.N. James — 31 points, 14 boards, 12 assists, 2 steals, 1 block

You can’t spell LeBron without L.O.N., and he’s proving why, with his second straight triple-double. This one got the Cavs a win, at Indiana.

Honorable Mention Of The Night:

Chris Bosh — 40 points, 5 boards, 5 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

Absolutely no one talks about Toronto, and for that matter Orlando, when it comes to Playoffs. Sure we’d like to see a healthy T.J. Ford back on the team, but Bosh wants the Great White North to be heard. They’ve been to the Playoffs, they’ve won a series, and this year they want more.

Manu Ginobili — 44 points, 4 assists, 3 boards, 1 steal

The actual factual L.O.N.nie winner, but we couldn’t resist the LeBr.O.N. gimmick. Over the past few years many people have wondered what type of numbers Ginobili would put up if he was the focal point of a team — now we know. He would ball. In the month of February he has averaged 25.9 ppg on 50.8% shooting, with two 40+ point games. Thursday night he even threw in the game-winning jump shot. The coupe is on Ma-nu, Gi-nobilis.

Worst Of The Night:

Knicks, 84, 76ers, 124

Yeah, that’s losing by a 40-spot! Extend Isiah! At one point ESPN.com’s scoreboard was not updating, and it looked like New York was winning the 4th quarter 19-0. It turned out to be a malfunction, but it WOULD NOT HAVE MATTERED. The Knicks would have still been down by 21!

Near Triple-Double Of The Night:

Chris Paul — 31 points, 11 assists, 9 steals, 5 boards

As the MVP chants rained down in the N.O., Paul stole the show in Jason Kidd’s Mavs debut.

Earl Watson — 15 points, 9 assists, 8 boards

This is a CLASSIC case of a bad player putting up big numbers on a bad team. We watched this game, and despite playing NBA point guard now for 7 years, he still makes a lot of middle school decisions. P.J. Carlesimo is definitely only enduring the Alien Head Era, not enjoying it.

Trade Part I Of The Night:

Cleveland gets:

Wally Szczerbiak
Delonte West
Ben Wallace
Joe Smith
2009 2nd Round Pick

Chicago gets:

Larry Hughes
Drew Gooden
Cedric Simmons
Shannon Brown

Seattle gets:

Donyell Marshall
Ira Newble
Adrian Griffin

This seems like a big mess. Trading for the sake of trading? As Kenny Smith pointed out on Inside The NBA last night, all the players Cleveland received have huge question marks. Sure, if each one works out perfectly, the Cavs will be in great shape. But if each guy plays like he has been, they’ll probably be worse off than before. Chicago and Seattle succeeded by getting out from underneath terrible contracts, and the Bulls probably ended up the single most valuable commodity, in Drew Gooden.

Trade Part II Of The Night:

Houston gets:

Bobby Jackson
Adam Haluska

Rights to Sergei Lishouk

Memphis gets:

Marcus Vinicius
Rights to Malick Badiane
Cash

New Orleans gets:

Bonzi Wells
Mike James

Thank you for facilitating, Memphis. Chris Wallace must have friends in high places, in either Houston or N.O. Or they just wanted to keep it a South Thang. This is simply a move to sure up a couple weak areas, for the stretch run. Mike James sort of is Bobby Jackson, so N.O. gets their money for nothing, and their chicks for free. Houston’s motivation was getting rid of Mike James’ contract… you know, they one they just game him prior to this season! This trade proves that was one of the stupidest signings ever.

Trade Part III Of The Night:

Houston gets:

Gerald Green

Minnesota gets:

Kirk Snyder
2nd Round Pick
Cash

Why not take a flier on Green? He can score, which he showed while he was in Boston. For some unknown reason, Minnesota never game him a chance, so he does seem to come with a “Buyer Beware” tag. The Rockets lose practically nothing though, so why not?

Trade Part IV Of The Night:

Denver gets:

Taurean Grean

Portland gets:

Von Wafer

No clue. Who cares? Every player with the last name Green had to be traded by league mandate? Philly missed the memo, keeping Willie? The L.O.N. C.E.O. and Resident Scientist do have a bet, though, as to whether Green will still be in the League in the couple years… so maybe this will affect that?

Trade Part V Of The Night:

Detroit gets:

Juan Dixon

Toronto gets:

Primoz Brezec

Nice for Detroit. Brezec was not playing for them, and they pick up a nice veteran back court guy in Dixon, who can shoot that rock. Guess Toronto just wanted front court depth. And they can never have enough European players!

Trade Part VI Of The Night:

San Antonio gets:

Kurt Thomas

Seattle gets:

Brent Barry
Francisco Elson
2009 1st Round pick

Yet ANOTHER guy goes back home, as Barry goes back to the place where he had his best years. However, the story of this is Kurt Thomas. Is there a better fit for San Antonio? He’ll slide right in, adding defense, toughness and a nice little jump shot. Most importantly, he adds crazy eyes!!!! Yes.

Forget Devin Harris, Marcus Williams=freed. 25 points, 4 boards, 4 assists, 2 steals, 1 block in his first start in the post-Jason Kidd era… Detroit has hit a rough patch coming out of the break, losing two in a row. They better take out Milwaukee tonight, before they go on the road to play Phoenix, Denver and Utah… If the Phoenix/LA and Boston/G-State games are any indication, this stretch run of the season is going to live up to the hype… Boom Dizzle at the buzzer — YES!!!!… Somebody done told D.J. Mbenga wrong. He thought Shaq’s Diner was closed? EAT YOUR BREAKFAST!!!!…