L.O.N.

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Line Of The Night:

Ray Allen — 35 points, 2 boards, 2 assists

The Ray Allen jump shot is still such a beautiful sight, event after all these years.  The Ceatles needed every last one of them against the Pacers, as this season’s giant killers almost struck again, before falling in OT.

Beast Of The Night:

Amare Stoudemire — 22 points, 20 boards, 2 assists

The Suns used this effort to tough out a 2 point win over the Jazz.  Isn’t there a whole lotta complaining and bickering in Phoenix for a team that really isn’t in that bad of shape?

Kevin Garnett — 20 boards, 17 points, 5 steals, 4 assists, 1 block

One other note on the Boston OT win.  Why was the Indiana offense run through Rasho Nesterovic during OT?  Give it to Granger, already.

Near Fat Lever Of The Night:

Vince Carter — 14 points, 11 boards, 8 assists, 2 steals

This versatile Vinsanity voyage vaulted the Nets to victory over the Sixers.  With a winning record about a fourth of the way into the season… dare we mention the “P” word for Dirty Jerse?

Near Beast Of The Night:

Marcus Camby — 19 boards, 7 blocks, 3 assists, 2 steals

How a coach on a bad team that is going nowhere can survive a completely uninspired blowout loss at home to the Clippers is beyond us, in this day and age of the light speed spinning coaching carousel.  But as of the writing of this, Randy Wittman remains the captain of this long past sunken ship.  (Update:  Wittman out, Kevin McHale takes over).  In related news, a bit of a terrible team round robin tourney took place, with the Clip Joint visiting Memphis Friday, followed by Minnesota on Saturday.  We needed a Memphis/Minnesota matchup to truly set things off, but with a little middle school geometry, we can crown Minnesota as the second worst team in the West.  Congratulations.

David Lee — 19 boards, 12 points, 3 assists

Must be the new hairdo.  We’ll call it the fratboy mohawk.  Lee and the Knicks mauled the Pistons on Sunday, right from jump street.  Blame Iverson or Coach Curry?  The coach does not look like a good fit, to us, so far.  And his abrasive (although often true) interview comments, may not work well, for long.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Charlotte Bobcats — 74 points vs. Cleveland

The Cavs’ absolutely smothering D was on display, highlighted by 10 blocks, including one of LeBron’s now patented from-behind-layup blocks on Raymond Felton.  Cleveland has now won 8 straight games, all by double digits.  They are “in their bag”, currently, as Freeway might tell you.

Rookie Of The Night:

Russell Westbrook — 30 points, 7 boards, 2 assists, 2 steals

Ok, dude is officially freed and can officially get it done on the NBA level, although he does still need to figure out how to reign it in a bit, out there.  While the Outlaws still lost to the Heat, it was only by 6, and almost has to count for something with a team this bad.  Maybe if Westbrook had lived up to his supposed defensive rep, and held D-Wade to less than 38, they might have actually pulled one out.

Interview Of The Night:

David Duchovny was interviewed at halftime of Sunday’s Knicks/Pistons game as part of a segment called “Gimme A Minute with Jill Martin”.  Pure comedy.  First, she messes up the air date when mentioning the season finale of his show, Californication.  No, wait, back up.  FIRST, there are the litany of “I bet he would like a minute with Jill Martin” jokes, given his sex addict status.  But we’ll let you fill in your own punchline with that situation.  Second, she asks if the show might move to a New York location, to which he politely replies, “It’s hard to shoot a show called Californication in New York.”  Awesome.  She doesn’t even bat an eye, though, before mentioning he used to be a “balla”… sounding completely ridiculous.  And just to add to the “what in the hell is going here?” factor, a wheelchair basketball game is going on in the background!  Amazing.

Bobby Brown with the rare 360 wrong-hand lay-up.  Interesting…

Line Of The Night:

Chris Bosh — 39 points, 15 boards, 2 assists, 1 steal

Bosh upped his superstar credentials with this performance, but the Raptors as a whole cannot seem to put it all together in the same game. If T.J. Ford plays well, Jose Calderon does not. If Jamario Moon plays well, Anthony Parker misses every shot. If Andrea Bargnani has it all going… oh, wait, that never happens any more. Is it coaching? Let the question be a statement.

Worst Of The Night:

Following Denver’s 102-84 loss in Game 3 of their series with the Lakers, we were all set to get on here and rip the hell out of Melo and his squadron. Well, he beat us to the punch:

“I’m not blaming anyone. I’m not pointing the fingers at nobody. I didn’t play worth a [expletive] tonight, and I can accept that. But as a competitor, there’s no way that I should lay down and quit and lay down on my team like we did tonight. You could just sense it,” Anthony said. “I’m saying ‘we,’ because I’m part of this, too. I’m saying I quit. We all just gave up.”

Wow. Seeing a talented Nuggets team show no heart at their first Playoff home game was one thing, but it was compounded by the Rockets performance later in the night. Maybe the Nuggets should switch their teams colors to red, white and blue — that is the only uni Melo seems to shine in, these days.

Of course, this may just be a case of underestimating the Lakers. We are starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, the Lake Show is actually ballerific (and acting like it’s all terrific).

Near Triple-Double Of The Night:

Dwight Howard — 19 points, 16 boards, 8 blocks, 3 assists, 1 steal

Right here, right now — Magic 3-1 over T-Dot and Sixers 2-1 over Detroit Basketball. This is jumping waaaay ahead, but does that mean we are now anticipating a Magic/Celtics Conference Finals? Or do the Pistons simply know drama better than TNT?

McGradles — 23 points, 10 boards, 8 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

He did everything well… except shoot. If he gets a decent percentage from the field — or Rafer — the Rockets shock world, and take two games in Houston. These two teams are so evenly matched, even when it appears that one team has the clear talent advantage. It is a shame for Houston that Skip missed the first two games. Based on what we have seen now, it might have been a whole ‘nother type of series with him manning the point from the get green.

Near Beast Of The Night:

Mehmet Okur — 18 boards, 14 points, 1 block, 1 steal

While probably known more for his long-range shot than for his grittiness, it was the latter that was key for Utah on Saturday. With the Jazz up two, late, Deron Williams MISSED two free throws, seemingly giving the Rockets new life. Memo shut that window just as fast as it opened, though, snagging (well, Rick Adelman might describe it more as “pushing my guy out of the way, then grabbing”) the offensive rebound. Game time. Never forget — the Pistons have not won a title since Memo left. The Jazz have not won one with him. Sounds like purgatory.

Rookie Of The Night:

Al Horford — 17 points, 14 boards, 6 assists, 1 steal

It is official — as Horford goes, so goes the Hawks. Of all the options on the team, it is obvious after Game 3 that he is their leader, and their heart & soul — their K.G. Hittin’ clutch J’s to put the game away, then taunting Paul Peezy? A very impressive rookie playoff breakout party.

Line Of The Night AKA Near Oscar Robertson Of The Night:

Pau Gasol — 36 points, 16 boards, 8 assists, 3 blocks

Put one of the most talented post-men in an open gym by himself for about a half an hour, and he would probably put up a line a lot like this. He shot 14 of 20, and all of those might have been dunks. Enver takes bad defense to never seen before levels.

Beast Of The Night:

Dwight Howard — 25 points, 22 boards, 5 blocks, 2 assists, 1 steal

Howard dominated the paint in this opener, but the real story was Orlando’s 3-point shooters. It is hard to believe they will keep up their Game 1 pace, probably leading to a close series. As the “Great Toronto Point Guard Debate” continues, we have to weigh in on T.J. Ford’s side. Looking at pure stats, Jose Calderon seems like the man, but L.O.N. says T-Dot-O needs a balling Ford to win this series. He is the only cat that can get penetration, finish or create a shot. Calderon just cannot take over a game like Ford can, when at this best. With Howard most likely continuing to have an advantage over Bosh, Ford needs to step it up. And oh yeah… can Jason Kapono get some more shots, please? That goes for whoever is manning the point.

Near Ice Cube Of The Night:

Andre Iguodala — 16 points, 9 boards, 8 assists

Wow, and this was a bad game for him? Pistons fans worldwide better hope Detroit actually plays for 48 minutes in every game for the rest of this series. The Sixers did not even the play the best they can, and took a game in the Palace! It is amazing that the Pistons never learn. Year after year.

Fool’s Gold Of The Night:

Carmelo Anthony — 30 points, 12 boards, 3 assists, 2 steals, 1 block

Nice line, but we say he had a bad game. He went 11 of 26 from the field, largely because he just jacked up jump shots. Drive the ball! The Lakers are not exactly defensive masterminds themselves. Take advantage! On top of that, Anthony seemed to loosen up and really play well in garbage time. That is the opposite of clutch. And damn it… pass to J.R. Smith and Linas Kleiza. They were absolutely on fire, shooting a combined 15-21! J.R. Smith was so hot, he set the bus on fire on the way to the arena! Pass that rock.

Eat Your Breakfast Of The Night:

THE POWE SHOW! On Josh “shock the world” Smith’s head. The only shocking tonight was to Smith’s system, as Powe got him and so did K.G. earlier in the game. On Sunday, he was definitely in the mood for dinner-time breakfast.

The Mailroom Supervisor’s H.O.N.nie Of The Night:

Shockingly, the award goes to Doc Rivers. The MRSV says: “He looks handsome in his Celtic green tie.” Wild.

Rookie Of The Night:

Al Horford — 20 points, 10 boards, 2 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

Elton Brand 2.0 did himself proud in Game 1 vs. Boston, surprisingly leading the Hawks in scoring. This team barely avoided contraction, and if they even want to come close in a single game this series, guys other than Horford and Joe Johnson are going to need to show up.

We do not even know what to say about whatever that weird coach moshpit was that George Karl held in the Denver locker room prior to the game… The Lakers fans broke out the “D-U-I” chants right away, for ‘Melo. Keep it classy, L.A…. Body By Jake in the house, next to Jack at the Staples Center!… Jeff Van Gundy is the best thing that ever happened to the Mike Breen broadcasting team. Not only is he hilarious, but any talk time that Breen loses, is a beautiful thing…

Every game last night involving at least one Western Conference team ended up with a double-digit margin of victory.  Things that make you go hmmmmm…

Line Of The Night:

Mike Bibby — 26 points, 12 assists, 6 boards, 3 steals

The difference.  After beating the Raptors last night in OT, the Hawks have now won 5 straight, and seem very likely to make the Playoffs.  Bibby has been exactly the stabilizing force A-T-L expected when they traded for him.  This win did not come without controversy, though, as a T.J. Ford game-winning shot at the end of regulation was said to come after the buzzer.  However, replays seem to show that the clock was started a little to soon on the play.  Could we have a SECOND A-T-Lien game this season protested and re-played?  Teams like Dirty Jerse, Indy and The Chi, with Playoff hopes still alive, probably hope so.  You know what they say… if you ain’t cheatin’, you aint’ tryin’.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Indiana Pacers, 77 points vs. Boston Celtics

Playas and playettes, welcome to the 1st Round of the Eastern Conference Playoffs!  This game paired with A-T-L’s 5th straight win actually puts Indy 4 games out, but still, even if it’s the Hawks, the 1st Round could have a lot of games this nasty.

Miami Heat, 77 points vs. New Orleans Hornets

If this team really was contracted tomorrow, it’s possible literally none of their active players would be picked up by anyone else in the league.

Back In The Hizzouse Part I Of The Night:

Gilbert Arenas — 20 minutes, 17 points, 2 assists, 1 board

Controversy always surrounds Agent 0.  His first game back coincided with a blown 4th quarter lead to the lowly Bucks, who pulled off an unlikely win after relative unknown point guard Ramon Sessions hit a buzzer-beater.  Of all the players coming back, Arenas wins the award for most likely to be more trouble than he’s worth… at least that’s the perception.

Back In The Hizzouse Part II Of The Night:

Dirk Nowitzki — 18 points, 5 boards, 1 block

His line was decent, but he seemed to have more of a “Willis Reed In The Finals” effect on this game, inspiring his team to a superb effort.  The Mavs absolutely crushed the Warriors, knocking them out of the Playoffs for the time being.  This was the most bizarre of all the comebacks, as the Mavs fronted the whole day as if Dirk wasn’t playing, only to have him in the starting lineup at game time.  How bizarre… what a terrible song.

Back In The Hizzouse Part III Of The Night:

Elton Brand — 19 points, 5 boards, 3 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

Robot or man?  After missing the first 74 games of the season, Brand stepped onto the court against the Sonics last night as if nothing had happened.  His machine-like efficiency is back in full m-f-ing effizzect.  Clip Joint for mayor.

Back In The Hizzouse Part IV Of The Night:

Pau Gasol — 10 points, 7 assists, 6 boards, 1 steal, 1 block

We smell conspiracy.  C-O-N-spiracy!  Why the hell did all these guys came back on the same night?  Call David Stern!  Call the FBI!  We want answers!

Rookie Of The Night:

Javaris Crittenton — 23 points, 9 boards, 4 assists, 1 steal

The rook went for a career-high against the… oh, it was the Knicks, so this may actually count as an exhibition or something.  And you thought the NY Gods had mailed it in before?  Just watch ‘em now that Isiah Thomas is REALLY a lame duck coach after the hiring of Donnie Walsh.

Bored Miami Heat announcer dropped this gem after a failed Julian Wright tip dunk attempt: “Third of the flying Wright Brothers — Julian Wright!”… The Play Of The Night was definitely Rudy Gay’s and-1, which he tossed up from BEHIND the backboard.  No UCLA rule in Memphis, either, we guess… G-G-G-G-G-UUUUUUU-NIIT!

Line Of The Night:

Kevin Martin — 48 points, 6 boards, 1 assist

We here at L.O.N. have secretly wanted the Kings to go on a crazy winning streak, just to make the West all that more interesting.  And in reality, they’ve put together some decent wins this year when healthy.  However, losing to the T-Wolves at homes ruins all of this potential dreams.  Kevin Martin tried to get buck wild on ‘em and lead his team back, but even 19 points, himself, in the 4th, was not enough.

It’s Smaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaash Tiiiiiime Of The Night:

Ahh yes, it’s that time of year, heads and headettes.  It’s that time when teams just simply give up, for any and all reason.  Down by 10 at the half?  Done.  Last game of a road trip?  Done.  7 episodes of Gossip Girl on your DVR?  Done.

Philly 117, Seattle 83

Philly has turned into the rare young team that will actually put you away.  They won on the road in Phoenix recently, and then they do this, to Seattle.  Of course, Seattle is the COMMON young team that will fold faster than Dirk Nowitzki in a laundromat.

Golden State 134, Miami 99

G-State is definitely not known as a team that will put you away, but when you’re the Heat, and you are without D-Wade, and your coach is talking about taking a recruiting vacation, hitting South Beach is really more important than any gosh darn ball game.

Boston 116, Chi-Whuuuuut 93

The score doesn’t seem as big as the others, but this one was practically over before it started.  Chi actually won a game Thursday night, against a good team, so they were probably walking a little too high, today.  Plus they had to travel and Boston just does not play around.  ESPN took the opportunity to show Sam Cassell with a blank look on his face for about 70% of the broadcast.  If we have to see one more shot of that brown suit coat… damn.

LA Lakers 119 ,  LA Clip Joint 82

Wow.  A heated rivalry just a couple years ago (remember when Darius Miles blew out the afro for the match-up?  Then later Shaun Livingston carried on the tradition?  Ahh, the memories), has now become a joke.  Kobe didn’t even hit 2nd gear for this one.  As Ralph Lawler would say… yikes.

Rookie Of The Night:

Julian Wright — 20 points, 8 boards, 2 steals, 1 assist

As if the Hornets needed any more help.  This rook is starting to find his place, and his athleticism is definitely translating to the NBA game, as he’s had several highlight-type plays recently.

Can we get a Hubie Brown, Ralph Lawler, Marv Alber and Doug Collins “Mt. Rushmore” t-shirt?… Spurs’ win streak is snapped, with a road loss to Denver in the 2nd of a back-to-back… Bottom line — sort of a boring night in the NBA…