Archive for the ‘Contraction Club’ Category

Line Of The Night — 04/02/2008

Thursday, April 3rd, 2008

Every game last night involving at least one Western Conference team ended up with a double-digit margin of victory.  Things that make you go hmmmmm…

Line Of The Night:

Mike Bibby — 26 points, 12 assists, 6 boards, 3 steals

The difference.  After beating the Raptors last night in OT, the Hawks have now won 5 straight, and seem very likely to make the Playoffs.  Bibby has been exactly the stabilizing force A-T-L expected when they traded for him.  This win did not come without controversy, though, as a T.J. Ford game-winning shot at the end of regulation was said to come after the buzzer.  However, replays seem to show that the clock was started a little to soon on the play.  Could we have a SECOND A-T-Lien game this season protested and re-played?  Teams like Dirty Jerse, Indy and The Chi, with Playoff hopes still alive, probably hope so.  You know what they say… if you ain’t cheatin’, you aint’ tryin’.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Indiana Pacers, 77 points vs. Boston Celtics

Playas and playettes, welcome to the 1st Round of the Eastern Conference Playoffs!  This game paired with A-T-L’s 5th straight win actually puts Indy 4 games out, but still, even if it’s the Hawks, the 1st Round could have a lot of games this nasty.

Miami Heat, 77 points vs. New Orleans Hornets

If this team really was contracted tomorrow, it’s possible literally none of their active players would be picked up by anyone else in the league.

Back In The Hizzouse Part I Of The Night:

Gilbert Arenas — 20 minutes, 17 points, 2 assists, 1 board

Controversy always surrounds Agent 0.  His first game back coincided with a blown 4th quarter lead to the lowly Bucks, who pulled off an unlikely win after relative unknown point guard Ramon Sessions hit a buzzer-beater.  Of all the players coming back, Arenas wins the award for most likely to be more trouble than he’s worth… at least that’s the perception.

Back In The Hizzouse Part II Of The Night:

Dirk Nowitzki — 18 points, 5 boards, 1 block

His line was decent, but he seemed to have more of a “Willis Reed In The Finals” effect on this game, inspiring his team to a superb effort.  The Mavs absolutely crushed the Warriors, knocking them out of the Playoffs for the time being.  This was the most bizarre of all the comebacks, as the Mavs fronted the whole day as if Dirk wasn’t playing, only to have him in the starting lineup at game time.  How bizarre… what a terrible song.

Back In The Hizzouse Part III Of The Night:

Elton Brand — 19 points, 5 boards, 3 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

Robot or man?  After missing the first 74 games of the season, Brand stepped onto the court against the Sonics last night as if nothing had happened.  His machine-like efficiency is back in full m-f-ing effizzect.  Clip Joint for mayor.

Back In The Hizzouse Part IV Of The Night:

Pau Gasol — 10 points, 7 assists, 6 boards, 1 steal, 1 block

We smell conspiracy.  C-O-N-spiracy!  Why the hell did all these guys came back on the same night?  Call David Stern!  Call the FBI!  We want answers!

Rookie Of The Night:

Javaris Crittenton — 23 points, 9 boards, 4 assists, 1 steal

The rook went for a career-high against the… oh, it was the Knicks, so this may actually count as an exhibition or something.  And you thought the NY Gods had mailed it in before?  Just watch ‘em now that Isiah Thomas is REALLY a lame duck coach after the hiring of Donnie Walsh.


Bored Miami Heat announcer dropped this gem after a failed Julian Wright tip dunk attempt: “Third of the flying Wright Brothers — Julian Wright!”… The Play Of The Night was definitely Rudy Gay’s and-1, which he tossed up from BEHIND the backboard.  No UCLA rule in Memphis, either, we guess… G-G-G-G-G-UUUUUUU-NIIT!

Line Of The Night — 03/29/2008-03/30/2008

Monday, March 31st, 2008

Vegas. March Madness. House guests. Yeah, at L.O.N. we make excuses. We know ya’ll are feeling L.O.N.nie withdrawal, but want to know the real reason we’re back? The Charlotte Bobcats just won 3 straight road games on the West Coast! A higher power is definitely telling us something. And the time for our Chris Paul for MVP campaign is waning.

Line Of The Night:

LeBron James — 26 points, 9 boards, 9 assists, 3 steals, 1 block

This came vs. Philly in the 2nd of a back-to-back. Following a horrid Saturday night (see below) for the Cavs, Sunday saw them get back on track with a win over the young upstart of the Eastern Conference.

Jason Kidd Of The Night:

Caron Butler — 17 points, 12 boards, 12 assists, 2 steals, 1 block

Looks like when/if Gilbert comes back, he will be coming back to Caron’s team. Butler has his imprint all over this Wizards squad now, and it was almost enough to take down the Kobster and the Lakers on Sunday night. The Lake Show ended up having just enough to close out a 6-point OT win.

Near Jason Kidd Of The Night:

Jason Kidd — 14 assists, 13 points, 9 boards, 1 steal

An aging Kidd is a prime example of why Kenny Smith pays stat sheets no attention. For Kidd the triple-doubles (especially when playing in Oaktown!) flow like water, but the wins flow like molasses; there is no longer a correlation between the two. The 114-104 Warriors win left the West’s playoff race in perhaps it’s most muddled state to date. These two squads and the Nuggets now find themselves locked in a dead 3-way tie for 7-9 spots, but in 3 distinct spots on the momentum chart — Mavs sinking, Nuggets rising, and Warriors sitting right where they have been all year.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Miami Heat, 62 vs. Boston Celtics

There is really no polite way to describe what is going on with the Heat right now, so we will stick to the facts. Kasib Powell played 40 minutes. Blake Ahearn, Joel Anthony and Stephane Lasem all played 20+. The team shot 28.8%, making only 17 field goals. Rob Bironas might have had more than that for the Titans in one game this past NFL season.

Cleveland Cavaliers, 71 vs. Detroit Pistons

The Pistons have been teetering a bit, of late, but it appears when they are fully focused, they are still the same ol’ Stones. Remember this, though: Detroit has not one a title since the departure of Mehmet Okur. And that’s real.

Rookie Of The Night:

Al Thornton — 39 points, 5 steals, 3 boards, 2 assists.

He lit up the Grizz (okay, that might just downplay the whole issue), showing that the Clip Joint may have found the best pure scorer in the history of their organization. That’s an “off the top of the dome” comment, but if it’s not true, we’d love to hear the other challengers. Terry Dehere? A 50 year-old ‘Nique? The Polish Rifle in his prime?

We still don’t really know what David West does, but damn if he doesn’t have 30 and 10 at the end of the night more often than you’d think… The Spurs won their 7th straight, resurrecting themselves from the media’s graveyard for the 2nd time this season… Rashad McCants for 6th Man Of The Year in 2008-2009. Get your campaign contributions in, now… Surprise, surprise. Now Derek Fisher has an injury excuse just like his good friend and P-N-C Kobe…

Line Of The Night — 03/12/2008-03/13/2008

Friday, March 14th, 2008

Line Of The Night:

Baron Davis — 38 points, 9 boards, 8 assists, 3 steals, 1 block

What a stark contrast to watch the Warriors and Suns play after two straight days of college basketball tourneys.  These pros are good.  Boom Dizzle had it all going last night, but his teammates seemed to run out of juice in the 2nd night of a back-to-back, against Phoenix.  Looks like the Suns are starting to figure this Shaq thing out.

Beast Of The Night:

Josh Smith — 22 boards, 16 points, 2 assists, 2 steals, 1 block

The rare small forward beast.  The sick part is, his potential is barely tapped since it’s unclear how much ethic and basketball IQ he has.  Imagine the possibilities of Smith with Tyler Hansbrough’s mentality?

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Atlanta Hawks, 75 points vs. the Houston Rockets

No wonder Smith had so many boards… the A-T-Liens couldn’t shoot!  But that’s what happens when you go up against the Houston juggernaut!  What a great story.  The team is displaying the camaraderie of a college Cinderella (even though Jordan is telling us there is no Cinderella) team and it’s just fun to watch.  The Rockets could potentially get the #1 seed in the West!  20-0.  McGradles for MVP!?!??!?!

San Antonio Spurs, 75 points vs. the New Orleans Hornets

David West came back with a vengeance, dropping 29 and 10 on the heads of the reigning champs.  Give Manu the ball!  He only had 11 points on 5-10 shooting.

The Unpaid Intern On Location Of The Night:

Editor’s Note:  Sorry for delay in publishing this, but it’s karma.  The Unpaid Intern should not have waited so late in the season to go to an NBA game.

Friday, March 7, 2008, Madison Square Garden, NYC — There will never be a day when “I just got 10th row tickets to the Knicks game” will come as bad news.  In fact, it will always be great news–especially when the Knicks are hosting the Detroit Pistons.  Our seats were behind the basket, just about eye-level with the players.  Free and great. There were plenty of Pistons fans in attendance, although we can’t claim to have had any sort of faux home court advantage like the L.O.N. C.E.O. witnessed at the Clipper’s game.  After one of our Deeeee-troit Baaaaaasket-ball calls, one Knicks fan told us to go back to Detroit.  That’s fun.

The night started off with one bad and one good surprise.  The good was that newly acquired Piston Theo Ratliff was not only suited up, but starting.  The bad was that there was no sign of Rasheed Wallace. So unlike the L.O.N. C.E.O., we were not privy to Sheed’s infamous pre-game dance ritual–which would have been right by us.  The team still did some kind of dance-huddle, but it wasn’t the same.  As a big Rasheed fan, it was a pretty big disappointment for him to have the night off for what will probably be the only Piston’s game I’ll see in person this year.

The Pistons started out cold, perhaps still feeling whatever it was that led to that terrible game against Boston.  But soon enough the score was tied, then the Stones were up by 15 and the world seemed right.  The Knicks fought hard until the end though, and were within striking distance.  But when you’re sending Chauncey to the line at the end, you can pretty much take the W to the bank.

The Billups-Crawford match-up was fun to watch.  J-Creezy can ball, too bad he plays for a terrible team/organization right now.  Rip got tossed, like an idiot, for running his mouth.  If there’s one thing we’d like to see the Pistons do, it’s button those lips and just play basketball.  Detroit is a tough as nails, blue collar city, not a crybaby blabbermouth town.  Get it right.  Watching Eddy Curry play makes me wonder how many guys in the league don’t really enjoy basketball.  Sometimes it seems like Curry is only out there because he happens to be a giant and it’s a good way to make a living.  He looks sad and bored and like he’d rather be somewhere else.  Never a good look when you’re a cornerstone of the franchise.  And I think that if I were a Knicks fan, I would want to vomit every time I saw Renaldo Balkman.  Ugh.

Perhaps the best part of the night, for me as a Piston fan, was seeing the young guns out there.  The trio of Amir Johnson, Jason Maxiell and Rodney Stuckey looked solid.  They still need a few years, but there’s the young core of a possible future dynasty there.  It was the first time I’d really seen Stuckey play and it looks like he’s got “it” — that confidence and killer instinct, coupled with superb athletic ability.  Sometimes you see a rookie out there, looking timid and unsure (see Dorell Wright’s first three years).  Stuckey had none of that hesitation; I think he’s going to be a special player.  And that’s not to take anything away from Amir, who could grow into a possible Amare-style beast, and Maxiell, who has already shown that his grit and hustle transitions to the NBA game.

In famous person news, there were numerous NY Rangers seated in the front row near us, as well as fan-favorite and former Red Wing Brendan Shanahan.  Spike Lee was in attendance, as usual, and even got involved by standing up and shagging down a ball, talking some smack as he handed it back to the ref.  And Aaron Ross, rookie DB for the Super Bowl Champion Giants got an ovation and was mobbed for autographs by kids as he made his way down the aisle.

The Garden is such a great atmosphere, it’s too bad Isiah and James Dolan have basically ruined that team.

Pistons win in a game that was much closer than it should have been.  101-97.

Green-on-green crime:  Boston stomps Seattle 111-82… Philly will play anyone, anywhere, anytime.  Wednesday they knocked off the Pistons in the Palace… Tough Juice back in the house.  Caron Butler scores 19 and gets a win for Washington, over Cleveland, in his return to the lineup… Bruce Bowen suspended for Friday’s game, after hitting Chris Paul with his leg on Wednesday.  This ends the current longest consecutive games played streak at 500… Smush Parker, back in business after signing with the Clip Joint.  Maybe they read our Dickau rant!… LeBron James becomes only the third man to ever appear on Vogue, AND he’s moving in on Tom Brady’s woman!