L.O.N.

Line Of The Night:

Stephon Marbury — 8 points, 2 assists, 1 steal, 1 board

As if the Paul Peezy/K.G.-led Ceatles were not already fully backed by L.O.N., now they have an apparently motivated Starbury?  It is on now.  This is the final push they needed for us to fully back their Playoff campaign again this year.  Sorry, LeBron.  We will admit, however, the whole “3″ logo on his head is extremely awkward, at this point.

Starbury looked rusty for sure, but showed signs of his old self.  And while it is an easy joke to make, he legitimately looked like he was having problems with his shoes and/or footing.  Maybe he needs to at least step it up to the 34.99 Al Harrington Protege joints?

Worst Of The Night:

Chicago Bulls — 23 point loss (113-90) to the Wiz with President Obama court side

You are better than that, Chicago.  Word to Mark Jackson.  After meeting the President, who claims ya’ll as his favorite squad, and having him attend your game against the worst team in your conference?  Awful.  How awesome is the Obama part of this whole scenario, though?  Just imagine a L.O.N. logo with the Obama “O”, right now.  We like the direction of this administration already.

Beast Of The Night:

Al Horford — 22 boards, 21 points, 1 assist, 1 block

It has been a relatively quiet — or at least under the radar — season for Horford thus far.  After getting a lot of pub last year for being the dark horse R.O.Y. candidate, his understated game has slid into the shadows this year.  But not last night.  Although Miami’s position is far from the secure, this is a possible preview of the 4-5 first round playoff match up in the East.  It would be interesting to see if the Hawks’ team dynamic could out match the one Wade show in M-I-Yayo.

Distribution Center Of The Night:

Chris Paul — 20 assists, 9 points, 7 boards

A ridiculous night for Paul, but the real story was the Hornets completely blowing a 17-point lead with 4 minutes remaining, only to have Tyson Chandler make an amazing putback tip in the final seconds to secure the win.  There is some sort of mind-bending symmetry there, given the rescinded trade situation.  Don’t expect us to put it into words though.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Los Angeles Lakers — 79 points vs. the Denver Nuggets

Sorry, give us the words “bad”, “Kobe Bryant”, and “Denver, and we only can think of one thing.  Go ahead, Google those 3 phrases, we’re not the only ones.  Then we start thinking Michael Vick and Charles Grant and hypocrisy and all types of thoughts that will ruin our Friday night if we expound.  So just go ahead and contract the Lakers and everything will be solved.  Thanks.

Near Beast Of The Night:

Lamar Odom — 19 boards, 12 points, 1 assist

Not as impressive as usual, considering the Lakers shot 29%!!!!!  Wow.

Shaqtastically Shaquisite Of The Night:

Shaqtus — 45 points, 11 boards, 3 steals, 2 assists, 1 block

Fun.  Smiles.  Joy.  Keep getting your Shaq on, Shaq.  Keep it Shaqqy.  The world is a better place with a Shaq like this.

With a talented team, it seems too easy to run up regular season wins using the patented D’Antoni style.  Doesn’t it make more sense to rack up those wins, get homecourt advantage, and roll the dice in the Playoffs, despite the forced change in style?  In retrospect, it seems crazier and crazier that the Suns broke up the nucleus.  If it was financial based, that is a whole other topic, but if it was a purely basketball decision, it was purely idiotic.

???? Of The Night:

Raymond Felton — 26 points, 9 assists, 4 steals, 3 boards, 1 block

Tough.  Gritty.  A winner.  You might raise your eyebrows at the last descriptor, given his career record, but that’s how we would describe Felton.  Is he the best shooter in the world?  Not at all.  The best playmaker?  No way.  Is his game smooth or pleasing to the eye?  Definitely not.  But do you want him on your team, “in the trenches” as they say?  Every.  Single.  Day.

The Bobcats took down a tough road win in the town where Oscar Grant’s ghost lingers, longing for justice, but not without making it interesting.  With the score tied, shot clock turned off and G-State in the bonus, Stephen Jackson took the inbounds pass and was immediately fouled intentionally by Boris Diaw?!?!?!  Somehow, Larry Brown kept his composure as Captain Jack hit both free throws.  But Diaw made it look like all part of the master plan.  Felton drove, kicked to Raja Bell, who swung it to Diaw for 3… splash.  Charlotte threw the ensuing inbounds pass directly out-of-bounds and it was almost a wrap, but not before infamous ref Bennett Salvatore made it a little more interesting by first declaring the pass had been deflected, before completely reversing field, with no consultation, and saying it was not deflected.  Guess he wanted to make that reservation after all.  And this was after one of his ref buds made a similar reversal a few plays back!  Another wild one in the Bay.

What’s that buzz you hear?  It is Detroit talk radio going nuts: “Rip starts and we win! Blah blah Iverson blah blah blah”… Coincidence that Rajon Rondo produced 17 assists during Marbury’s first game with the team?… Larry Hughes drops 25 in his best game thus far as a Knick.  FREE LARRY HUGHES!!!!… Russell Westbrook or Avon Barksdale?… Pops Mensah-Bonsu.  Consider that a warning…  Kid Cudi or Heartbreak Drake?  Pick your side now.  The Revolution is not kind to bystanders…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Line Of The Night:

Chris Paul — 33 points, 11 assists, 10 boards, 7 steals

He one-man-showed this game.  Despite Jason Kidd going slot machine (7pts/7asts/7rebs), CP3, with little to no help, took the road win.  But when we found out LeBron (triple-double last night) is playing Paul on Friday, on ESPN, it all started to feel like a big conspiracy.

Beast Of The Night:

Brad Mizzle — 30 points, 22 boards, 2 assists, 2 steals, 1 block

A ridiculous effort in an absurd marathon of a game.  Nobody wanted to win, as Sacramento and G-State missed shot after shot, opportunity after opportunity in 3 overtimes!  Free basketball, playas and playettes.  Despite J-Creezy playing a full 5 quarters worth of action (60 minutes), the Warriors could not put this one away to fully complete their 4th quarter comeback.  After they lost 3 starters due to foul outs to Sactown’s 0, they just got out-manned.  This was the bottom-feeder Yin to the Lakers/Spurs Western Conference supremacy Yang, for sure.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Portland Trailblazers — 79 points vs. Illadelph

Freeway actually wrote more verses last night than Portland scored points.  FREE MIX!

Near Larry Bird Of The Night:

Tim Duncan — 20 points, 10 boards, 8 assists, 2 blocks, 1 steal

Every time there’s “best player” in the league talk, there should at least be an obligatory throw in of “and don’t forget that old dog Tim Duncan, he’s still getting it done”, or something to that affect.  Although often a bogus award, when a guy whens the MVP two years running, he is generally in the mix for the “best player in the world” crown.  Duncan did that at his peak, producing these numbers:

01-02:  25.5 pts, 12.7 rebs, 3.7 asts, 2.5 blks in 40.6 mins
02-03:  23.3 pts, 12.9 rebs, 3.9 asts, 2.9 blks in 39.3 mins

Now check this year:

08-09:  20.4 pts, 10.1 rebs, 3.5 asts, 1.8 blks in 35.4 mins

Wow.  That is not much fall off.  Give him 5 more minutes a game, and it is even closer.  Is playing big minutes part of being the best player?  Yes.  Is there some decline?  For sure.  But should the boy get more love?  Definitely.  Just ask Kobe (Roger Mason… FOR THE WIN!!!).

Near Beast Of The Night:

Marcus Camby — 18 boards, 12 points, 4 blocks, 2 steals

It will never happen in a million years, but shouldn’t the Lakers trade Andrew Bynum for Marcus Camby?  Don’t the Lakers dream that Bynum might be half the player Camby is right now?  Last night Bynum snatched THREE rebounds in 35 minutes.  As your boy Ta-Nehisi Coates would say, weaksauce!

Warriors fans = awesome, in stark contrast to the simultaneously catacombesque Staples Center, which hosted the Clip Joint/Atlanta game last night… The Pistons with back-to-back MISSED buzzer-beaters.  A.I. on Tuesday, Rip on Wednesday.  So close… Looks like the Ceatles are back on track now, winning three in a row, including a little 32-point serving of smash time to Dirty Jers, last night… Nick Young = pure, raw, unadulterated, uncut, pristine, unblemished sugar cane offense… Anthony Randolph — get on the floor, young fella!… Anthony Parker needs to be on a contender.  That vicious fall-away baseline J needs to have an impact in the playoffs… Il Mago balling (career-high 31 points), T-Dot still losing.  What happens when Jermaine O’Neal comes back?…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

After the wildly weird and uncomfortable Lil Wayne/Skip Bayless/Dana Jacobson ESPN segment, we’re not sure if we are actually writing this or if we now exist in a post-apocalyptic ether… not to mention Kobe praise is found in these here margins.  Yeah, post-apocalyptic ether it is.  Eeeeeeeee-ther boy.
Line Of The Night:

Chris Paul — 32 points, 15 assists, 3 boards, 3 steals

David West only had 40 because of CP3 so dead the protests.  This double-headed monster took down the Lakers in the Staples Center, and now quietly have the 2nd best record in the West.  #3 by mere percentage points?  Spid-durs.  Believe the Lakers hype at your own peril.

Obligatory Kobe Praise Of The Year Of The Night:

#10.  Really?  #10?  We’ll give #1 to Caron, but beyond that… take it from here, Seth and Amy.  REAALLY?!?  A former dunk champ blocks a midget’s shot and that’s higher?  REAAAAALLLY?!?  A former dunk champ hits a tip dunk and that’s higher?   REAAAAAAAAAALLY?!?  The Kobster’s teammate does a basic spin and dunk, and that’s higher?  Really?!?  Ok, we take part of it back… the Dwight Howard tip dunk was absolutely supertastic.

Near Beast Of The Night:

Marcus Camby — 19 boards, 10 points, 4 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

Sorry, Marcus.  Honestly.  [whispering]  Clip Joint loses… again … 107-102 in Dallas.

Tribute Track Of The Night:

If you came up when L.O.N. did, then we dare you not to shed a tear listening to Jadakiss and Faith’s “Letter To B.I.G.“.  Right from the top when he says, “In your memory I keep a Coogi in my closet/Kangol on the rack with fresh pair of Wally’s”… that hits deep.  To be honest, we are scared about the upcoming biopic, Notorious.  Obama or no Obama, no matter how good it is — even if it was Oscar-worthy — there’d be the mainstream idiots out there trivializing the fact that the movie even exists.  So we beg… please, please, please let this movie be good, so at least we can feel good about defending it.  Because it WILL be defended.  Word to Ron Artest.

Rookie Of The Night:

Eric Gordon — 32 points, 6 assists, 3 boards

Give the man 46 minutes against the still-not-so-good-at-D Mavs, and you get 32 points.  How does a team with so many outstanding individual performances win so few games?  Oh… right… their coach is Mike Dunleavy.

Old Jason Kidd Of The Night:

Jason Kidd — 10 boards, 8 assists, 3 steals, 3 points, 1 block

Only Kidd misses the Near Triple-Double due to lack of scoring.  It’s his new signature.  Maybe he should get it tattooed on his ring finger.  If Brett Favre comes back again, on any given Sunday next fall, Kidd total points in a game vs. Favre interceptions might be a 50/50 proposition.

Not Ideal Follow Up Of The Night:

McGradles — 14 points on 5-15 shooting, 9 assists, 4 boards, 3 steals, 1 loss to the Sixers, 1 tragically gimpy knee

Just a guess, but if you were playing Apples To Apples, and the card said, “Best Follow Up To Defiant Media Comments“, you would not throw down your “5-15 shooting performance while limping around leading to a loss” card.

A Tribe/Jordan collabo?  That’s the definition of L.O.N.  Sick… To the Mavs courtside seat fan in the lower lefthand corner of your screen with the pink clappers:  ENOUGH!… The Grizz waived D-Miles following Tuesday’s loss, but at least he got this block in.  But no fist-to-head bump!… MJ was all smiles after his Bobcats beat the C’s.  Big win, right?  But the real reason for the smile?  FREE BASKETBALL!!!, of course… Harlem, get light… Alexis Ajinca or Nathan Jawai?  QUICK!  NOW!!!!  SAY IT!!!  PICK ONE NOW!!!  DO IT!!! HURRY!  NOW!  IMMEDIATELY!!!

Line Of The Night:

LeBr.O.N. James — 31 points, 14 boards, 12 assists, 2 steals, 1 block

You can’t spell LeBron without L.O.N., and he’s proving why, with his second straight triple-double. This one got the Cavs a win, at Indiana.

Honorable Mention Of The Night:

Chris Bosh — 40 points, 5 boards, 5 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

Absolutely no one talks about Toronto, and for that matter Orlando, when it comes to Playoffs. Sure we’d like to see a healthy T.J. Ford back on the team, but Bosh wants the Great White North to be heard. They’ve been to the Playoffs, they’ve won a series, and this year they want more.

Manu Ginobili — 44 points, 4 assists, 3 boards, 1 steal

The actual factual L.O.N.nie winner, but we couldn’t resist the LeBr.O.N. gimmick. Over the past few years many people have wondered what type of numbers Ginobili would put up if he was the focal point of a team — now we know. He would ball. In the month of February he has averaged 25.9 ppg on 50.8% shooting, with two 40+ point games. Thursday night he even threw in the game-winning jump shot. The coupe is on Ma-nu, Gi-nobilis.

Worst Of The Night:

Knicks, 84, 76ers, 124

Yeah, that’s losing by a 40-spot! Extend Isiah! At one point ESPN.com’s scoreboard was not updating, and it looked like New York was winning the 4th quarter 19-0. It turned out to be a malfunction, but it WOULD NOT HAVE MATTERED. The Knicks would have still been down by 21!

Near Triple-Double Of The Night:

Chris Paul — 31 points, 11 assists, 9 steals, 5 boards

As the MVP chants rained down in the N.O., Paul stole the show in Jason Kidd’s Mavs debut.

Earl Watson — 15 points, 9 assists, 8 boards

This is a CLASSIC case of a bad player putting up big numbers on a bad team. We watched this game, and despite playing NBA point guard now for 7 years, he still makes a lot of middle school decisions. P.J. Carlesimo is definitely only enduring the Alien Head Era, not enjoying it.

Trade Part I Of The Night:

Cleveland gets:

Wally Szczerbiak
Delonte West
Ben Wallace
Joe Smith
2009 2nd Round Pick

Chicago gets:

Larry Hughes
Drew Gooden
Cedric Simmons
Shannon Brown

Seattle gets:

Donyell Marshall
Ira Newble
Adrian Griffin

This seems like a big mess. Trading for the sake of trading? As Kenny Smith pointed out on Inside The NBA last night, all the players Cleveland received have huge question marks. Sure, if each one works out perfectly, the Cavs will be in great shape. But if each guy plays like he has been, they’ll probably be worse off than before. Chicago and Seattle succeeded by getting out from underneath terrible contracts, and the Bulls probably ended up the single most valuable commodity, in Drew Gooden.

Trade Part II Of The Night:

Houston gets:

Bobby Jackson
Adam Haluska

Rights to Sergei Lishouk

Memphis gets:

Marcus Vinicius
Rights to Malick Badiane
Cash

New Orleans gets:

Bonzi Wells
Mike James

Thank you for facilitating, Memphis. Chris Wallace must have friends in high places, in either Houston or N.O. Or they just wanted to keep it a South Thang. This is simply a move to sure up a couple weak areas, for the stretch run. Mike James sort of is Bobby Jackson, so N.O. gets their money for nothing, and their chicks for free. Houston’s motivation was getting rid of Mike James’ contract… you know, they one they just game him prior to this season! This trade proves that was one of the stupidest signings ever.

Trade Part III Of The Night:

Houston gets:

Gerald Green

Minnesota gets:

Kirk Snyder
2nd Round Pick
Cash

Why not take a flier on Green? He can score, which he showed while he was in Boston. For some unknown reason, Minnesota never game him a chance, so he does seem to come with a “Buyer Beware” tag. The Rockets lose practically nothing though, so why not?

Trade Part IV Of The Night:

Denver gets:

Taurean Grean

Portland gets:

Von Wafer

No clue. Who cares? Every player with the last name Green had to be traded by league mandate? Philly missed the memo, keeping Willie? The L.O.N. C.E.O. and Resident Scientist do have a bet, though, as to whether Green will still be in the League in the couple years… so maybe this will affect that?

Trade Part V Of The Night:

Detroit gets:

Juan Dixon

Toronto gets:

Primoz Brezec

Nice for Detroit. Brezec was not playing for them, and they pick up a nice veteran back court guy in Dixon, who can shoot that rock. Guess Toronto just wanted front court depth. And they can never have enough European players!

Trade Part VI Of The Night:

San Antonio gets:

Kurt Thomas

Seattle gets:

Brent Barry
Francisco Elson
2009 1st Round pick

Yet ANOTHER guy goes back home, as Barry goes back to the place where he had his best years. However, the story of this is Kurt Thomas. Is there a better fit for San Antonio? He’ll slide right in, adding defense, toughness and a nice little jump shot. Most importantly, he adds crazy eyes!!!! Yes.

Forget Devin Harris, Marcus Williams=freed. 25 points, 4 boards, 4 assists, 2 steals, 1 block in his first start in the post-Jason Kidd era… Detroit has hit a rough patch coming out of the break, losing two in a row. They better take out Milwaukee tonight, before they go on the road to play Phoenix, Denver and Utah… If the Phoenix/LA and Boston/G-State games are any indication, this stretch run of the season is going to live up to the hype… Boom Dizzle at the buzzer — YES!!!!… Somebody done told D.J. Mbenga wrong. He thought Shaq’s Diner was closed? EAT YOUR BREAKFAST!!!!…

Another outstanding All-Star Weekend — L.O.N.’s favorite time of year.  We hate to see it end.

Line Of The Night AKA Near Triple-Double Of The Night:

LeBron James — 27 points, 9 assists, 8 boards, 2 steals, 2 blocks, 1 All-Star Game MVP Award

2 All-Star Game MVP awards at the age of 23?  Sick.  Ray Allen made a huge push for this award, going crazy from 3 in the 4th quarter to end up with 28 points.  However, in the final minute with the game’s outcome in the balance, EAT YOUR BREAKFAST happened!  LeBron served some delicious sauerkraut right in Dirk’s Mouth!  Wow.  Nowitzki is so worthless… step up!

Worst Of The Night:

This is a tie between Mr. Cryant and Reggie Miller.  Kobe hit us with a quick strike of awfulness, while Reggie Miller waged a long, hard-fought, campaign!  The Mailroom Supervisor sums up our Reggie feelings, a little later on.  As for Kobe, thanks for uselessly taking up a roster spot to play only 3 minutes with your stupid, messed up finger.  In one of the deepest potential All-Star classes in memory, Kobe had to waste a roster spot and make it all about him, parading around answering questions about his injury and gleefully showcasing his wrapped hand on the bench.

Boooooooooooooo-riiiiiiiiing Of The Night:

How boring were the marginal West selections?  When you’re practically forced to take Yao Ming, Tim Duncan and Nowitzki each year on the roster, you are already starting a little high on boring All-Stars meter.  Outstanding players (well, not Dirk, ha!), but just not fun guys to have in the All-Star game — Yao’s three’s and Duncan’s jokes (and three’s as well) notwithstanding.  So when you’re starting with that kind of disadvantage, can you please not force us to stomach Carlos Boozer, David West and Brandon Roy (that no-way-in-hell oop he attempted is Exhibit A)?  Come on.  Give us Boom Dizzle, Manu Ginobili, and Deron Williams!  Free Stephen Jackson.

The Mailroom Supervisor’s H.O.N.nie Of The NIght:

Chris Paul for being “a home team hero and not throwing up despite his nerves and being super-cute”

Runner-up for H.O.N.nie?  Ernie Johnson — for “having to deal with Charles Barkley and for saying ’spanked’ on national television”.

The MRSV’s N.O.T.tie Of The Night

Straight from the MRSV:  “Shut up, already, Reggie!  Not only are you ugly, but your voice sucks and your brain is stupid.”

Yikes.  We can’t argue with that.

Fashion Review Of The Night:

TNT did a particularly poor job of celebrity spotting and player shoe coverage, but we scoped what we could.

We loved the uniforms and the warm-ups, especially the West’s.  A lot of people were hating on the double-sided unis, but we were feeling ‘em.  Our favorite detail were the logos of past All-Star weekends on player’s warm-ups who had been on multiple teams.

Magic Johnson had on a nice gray and purple (the color of the weekend, it seemed) suit/tie combo.  His problem is that he’s getting a little too big for any suit to look right on him.

Harry Connick, Jr. really wanted to stand out, as he rocked neon-brown (yes, neon-brown!  At least when contrasted by his all black suit/shirt/tie) dress shoes.  Special All-Star editions, perhaps?  Were they stitched with H-Conn-JR?

Just in case a picnic broke out, assistant coach Darrell Walker was prepared, dipped out in an orange and blue table cloth.

On the court, Carmelo had a whole lot of leg stuff going on: red socks, white calf covers, and various other stuff.

As we mentioned, shoe coverage was minimal.  A big deal was made of Chris Paul’s dual-allegiance, though.  In the first half he wore the new Jordan XXIII’s (as did Melo), while in the second half he switched to his first signature shoe, which bore tributes to his deceased grandfather as well as his college coach, Skip Prosser.

Craig Sager also interviewed Steve Nash about his dogs, which were covered in shoes made from 100% recycled material.  However, the highlight of that exchange was Nash snatching Sager’s handkerchief, blowing his nose in it, and placing it back in Craig’s suit pocket!  Boom.

We also noticed LeBron, in an All-Star edition of his signature line, colored blue and gray like the East unis, as well as Iditarod with shiny gold feet.  No word if those meet official Iditarod racing specifications.

Non-MVP, MVP Of The Night:

Chris Paul — 16 points, 14 assists, 4 steals, 3 boards

The MVP winner almost always hinges on the outcome of the game, and this year’s award was no different.  If the West had come all the way back, hometown hero Chris Paul would have been the man.  He took over in the 4th, just like he does back on his Hornets squad.  It’s a beautiful thing when a point guard dominates a game.  It’s like he’s a puppet master controlling each of the other 9 guys on the court.  His size and abilities are similar to what might happen if you took Allen Iverson’s body, cut off half his brain, and put half of Steve Nash’s brain in.  Steven Ivasherson.  l Get used to this dude runnin’ thangs in mid-February for years to come.

Big Men Shooting 3’s Of The Night:

It’s become a time-honored All-Star tradition; big men, finally unbridled, step out for an attempt at a little 3-point glory.  There was more glory than usual this year, as Yao (0-2), Amare (1-2), Duncan (0-1, and he had another, just toeing the line that he banked in ON PURPOSE), and Rasheed Wallace (1-5, mostly left-handed!) were all in the mix.  Commentator Doug Collins even joked about it, suggesting coach Byron Scott was inserting Yao back into the lineup for his needed 3-point touch.  The moral of the story (word to Saigon) though?  ‘Sheed’s left-handed long-range gun is more potent than almost every other big man shooting with their strong hand!

D-Wade Of The Night:

Dwyane Wade — 14 points, 4 boards, 3 assists, 1 block

At one point, after a Wade miscue, the L.O.N. C.E.O. jokingly said that D-Wade is “over-the-hill”, but actually, had some of the more entertaining highlights on the night.  First, he took Big Dirk to the hole, bringing back memories of the Heat/Mavs Finals.  Then, in the third quarter, he came with the Jordanesque, back-to-the-basket, wrist-slap, over-head-flip-shot, and-1!  Beautiful.  Finally, he sealed the game by STUFFING Big Dirk at the 3-point line!  Jeez… Big Dirk gets absolutely and consistently abused when surrounded by great players.

David West the only player to have his name on the front AND back of this jersey.  WEST on WEST, FOOLS!  It almost makes us want another Westside Connection album, just so they can all rock that jersey in the video…  TNT’s new backboard stat pop-out is weird and unnecessary, but we like it… Steve Nash needs to shoot more in the regular season games… Jason Kidd guarded Dirk at one point.  Oh the intrigue!… Nashty assists a Dirk turnaround.  Oh the memories!… Is Nash going to develop a jealous rage against Kidd?  Or LeBron vs. Dirk?  This week, on “As The Aging Unloaded Star Turns”… Stop calling fouls, refs!… The Nash/Paul back court was AWESOME… Gotta love the triple-alley-oop, featured as #3 in this countdown… Amare served Dwight Howard some scrumptious breakfast.  #2 in that same video…

Line Of The Night:

Boobie Gibson — 33 points, 4 boards, 2 assists, 2 steals, 11-20 from downtown, 1 Rookie Game MVP

Yeah, that’s right, 20 shots, all from behind the 3-point line! And most of them right in front of this biggest fan, or at least the most famous, LeBron James, who was sitting court side. He’s about to mess around and pigeonhole himself. Seven of these came in the first half, as the Sophomores took the lead for good, coming away with the 6th straight win for the 2nd-year guys. Time for another format change, maybe?

Play Of The Night:

No doubt about this. Sean Williams, for the rookie squad, came with an All-Star game favorite — the “throw it off the board to your self” slam. The dribbling and passing came as a little bit of a surprise from Andre Three-thou… er, Williams, as it usually comes from the more wing-type players. We also found out that Williams loves to throw up various hand signals, and seems to be a member of the Drew Gooden-”head”ed “All-Airhead” team. Goofball.

Beating Up On The Neighborhood Kids Of The Night:

Terrell Owens — 18 points and the celebrity game MVP

Despite showing up late, Owens dominated this game, as a man in his athletic prime playing against out-of-shape celebrities should! It was ridiculous, as he clearly had everybody out-matched. T.O. even dunked it, CONVINCINGLY! Teammate Master P’s clutch free throws helped earn their squad the win, locking up the award for Owens. But seriously, was this even fair? The WNBA pros simply go through the motions, letting the celebs compete and enjoy themselves. T.O. was having that, saying “I crush you cock-a-roaches”.

Worst Of The Night:

The overall feel of the Celebrity Game. We blame ESPN for this. We understand a celebrity game isn’t the biggest draw in the world, but MTV Rock-N-Jock used to do it well. ESPN turns it into an absolute train wreck. How is it a good idea to turn a huge chunk of the broadcast into a cooking show? There is probably a way to do that well, but that was not it. Then Carmelo, who apparently doesn’t have a single musical bone in his body, is invited into an attempt at a Jazz duet? And what in the haaa-yell was that tarot card reader? Amare Stoudemire could not even attempt to take that nut bag seriously! That was wild.

But the worst part every year is the attempt to make the announcers and reporters into the stars. Ya’ll ain’t got Charles and Kenny. Looks like even Greg Anthony and Tim Legler have refused to participate in these ridiculousness. As B or C-List as many of the celebrity participants may be, their Q-ratings are 1,000 times greater than Ric Bucher. Ric Bucher? Please. If he’s not telling us which ball Kobe scratched first when he woke up this morning, then we don’t want to hear it. Um… scratch that. Just shut the hell up on all occasions.

They missed out on a close game, but how could anyone watching be expected to get into it with all the ridiculous sideshows. The players tried to take it seriously, despite the surrounding circus, and the 1-point margin of victory will most likely result in the most competitive game of the weekend. Common got hacked!

Worst Of The Night Part II:

Charles Barkley needs to stop the hate crimes on Kevin Durant. He had the nerve to say that of all the players on the court for the Rookie Challenge, if he could only pick 1 to start a franchise, he would pick in the following order: 1) Brandon Roy, 2) Al Horford, 3) Yi Jianlian. The Chuckster done lost his mind. We totally disagree, but we understand the Roy and Horford arguments. However, hopefully by now you’ve seen the glaring omission from this list — KEVIN DURANT!!!!!!!!! Barkley was ranting about how one-dimensional was, while on the court, Durant was balling out, dropping dimes, blocking shots and rebounding. His regular season stats don’t show it yet, but this young cat is crazy versatile. If we could have Durant OR all of those 3, we’d still take KD — he’s gonna be that good. Jianlian? Come on, Chuck. At least Kenny called him out on it, a little.

Player Most Respected In The Huddle Of The Night:

In the celebrity game, Chris Tucker was bombing 3’s like it was Rush Hour 99. Dude had zero conscience. He hit three 3’s, two off glass! He absolutely did not care. His jump shot was so ugly that FEMA had to be called (and didn’t come) to New Orleans, AGAIN! Disgusting. So going into the last possession, with his squad down one, his teammate, Floyd Mayweather, said something to the effect of: “Don’t shoot no 3 this time!”, with a menacing look and tone. Comedy. They came out and you can be damn sure Tucker did not fire, even though he received the inbounds pass! Classic. He couldn’t WAIT to pass.

Mailroom Supervisor’s H.O.N.nie Of The Night:

Straight from the MRSV mouth: “Al Horford for rocking that mouth guard to protect the pearly whites.” Charles Barkley agrees, we’re sure. Can you say “man crush”?

Fashion Review Of The Night:

We’re not even sure what to say about the celebrity uniforms. Purple, blue and teal argyle? Those joints were horrible. At least the purple with gold shine warm-up t’s were kinda hot.

Kevin Durant debuted his new shoes, which are solid neon, Oregon Duck yellow. In fact, as Craig Sager interviewed Durant prior to the game, the camera panned down and the Earth was nearly split to the core from the color explosion unleashed by KD’s dogs on the same screen as Sager’s shiny Easter Egg pastel purple dress shoes!

The veteran players sitting sideline at the Rookie Challenge always come dressed to impress, and this year was no exception. LeBron was sitting with K.G., and each brought their own unique style. The L.O.N. offices disagreed on who was stylin’ on who. The MRSV preferred Garnett’s patented, preppy sweater over collared-shirt look, while the C.E.O. was feeling LeBron’s urban casual, as he rocked a multi-colored (possibly a tribute to his high school colors — green and gold) leather coat, jeans, and matching A-1’s. The King also had an interesting, relatively subtle double-pendant chain. Chris Paul followed The Kid’s lead, as he had on his own neon-yellow sweater (is neon yellow the new black?), but his accessory was a fat wad of hundreds that he pulled out to pay for his court side refreshments! And despite not being a part of the main event for the first time in ages, Big Shaq was on hand looking distinguished in one of his trademark suits.

Worst dressed? Sorry, but it had to be Carmelo Anthony. In attendance with his wife, LaLa Vazquez, Melo rocked a Valentine’s Day-themed ensemble featuring a red leather coat and a baseball hat with a big heart on it. That might sound bad, but he actually could’ve pulled it off… if it had been V-Day! That was yesterday, homey.

Tony Parker wins NBA Live tourney at EA Sports party… Andrea Bargnani came out aggressive, but then disappeared for the rest of the game. Sam Mitchell was like, “Now, there’s my guy!”… Common, with the baldy and just the way he plays, is officially the Jason Kidd of the celebrity circuit… One Tree Hill’s James Lafferty was possible the best non-professional player in the celeb game, but they wouldn’t give him the ball enough… Gangsta rap fans everywhere celebrated as Master P rolled on Common! Ha… Was Terry Crews in The Mitchell Report? He came out muscled-down and shouting like a crazy man. Then during a break, he showed ridiculous dance moves. Who knew he was the poor-man’s Jamie Foxx? AKA the most talented man in Hollywood?… The kids at the Rookie Game were like European futbol fans, just screaming for no reason, constantly… Sorry, Paul Millsap, please respectfully decline all future All-Star-type invites. It’s just not your scene, playa… FREE AL THORNTON!

Line Of The Night:

Pau Gasol 02/05 vs. Dirty Jerse — 24 points, 12 boards, 4 assists, 1 steal

Wow.  It’s like that?  Pau was like, “PAU!  I’m here!”  No easing into the line-up for this cat, just straight gangsta in his first appearance.  The Lakers have such a sick team now, and the Nets got familiar with it in a 105-90 loss.

Triple-Double Of The Night:

Hedo Turkoglu 02/04 vs. Dallas — 13 points, 13 assists, 12 boards

A nice all-around game from one of this year’s candidates for most-improved player, but he shot a rough 4-14 from the field. The Magic lost this one by 9 to the Mavs, so what they really needed was a better scoring night from Hedo.

Near Triple-Double Of The Night:

Josh Smith 02/04 vs. Philly — 19 points, 9 blocks, 9 assists, 6 boards, 4 steals

Ahh… one more steal Josh!  Give us the coveted 5×5!  The blocks were a huge momentum changer, as the Hawks trailed by 20 early in the game before Smith blocked 6 shots in the 2nd quarter, leading a comeback.  The Hawks went on to win the game.  Excuse us, the currently PLAYOFF-BOUND Hawks went on to win the game.

Jarrett Jack 02/04 vs. Denver — 17 points, 9 boards, 9 assists, 3 steals

Jack never appears to be the most athletic or most talented cat on the court, but you almost always feel his impact.  He battles, he leads his teammates — he’s the glue, heart-and-soul type.  And every now and then, he’ll even put up stats like these.  Portland lost this one in OT to Denver, but don’t blame Jack.

LeBron James 02/05 vs. Boston — 33 points, 12 assists, 9 boards, 5 steals, 2 blocks

With no KG, the significance of this game was slightly lessened, but you couldn’t tell that from the King’s effort.

Ay Yo That Kid Is Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice Of The Night:

Al Jefferson 02/04 vs. Houston — 33 points, 16 boards, 3 blocks, 3 steals, 2 assists

The T-Wolves continue to mostly lose, but Jefferson has definitely proven he was worthy of being the main piece traded for KG.  Now those other fellas need to get to provin’!

PG PWNage Of The Night:

Deron Williams — 29 points, 11 assists, 3 boards, 1 steal

Chris Paul — 6 points, 6 assists, 4 boards, 1 steal

Hmm… so which one is the All-Star, again?  On Monday, Williams won the one-on-one match-up, and Utah handily won the game 110-88!  Daaaaaaamn.  Utah is the hottest team in the game, ya’ll.

Trade Of The Night:

If the rumors are correct, the NBA is about to get turned on it’s head.  Shaqalicious to the Suns for Shawn Marion?  Wild.  The deal seems to make absolutely no sense for the Suns so the deal and it’s aftermath will be heavily scrutinized.  Our biggest question is Shaq’s health.  No doubt he’ll be motivated, but it won’t matter if his body ain’t working.

Advertising Glory Of The Night:

We can’t get enough of the two latest T-Moble Barkley/D-Wade ads.  Check the full review here.

T.J. Ford back in the hizzle.  Good to see you, playa… Corey Maggette 489 FGAs, Tim Thomas 468… Think San Antonio regrets that Luis Scola deal?  He is fitting in nicely in Houston… Damon Stoudamire steps right into the Spurs’ starting line-up, filling in for the injured Tony Parker…

Line Of The Night AKA The 40/40/40 Club Of The Night:

LeBron James — 41 points, 9 boards, 4 assists, 2 steals

The King scored a little more than a third of these in the 4th, to hold off an attempted Laker comeback.  A nice road win for the Cavs.

Caron Butler — 40 points, 8 boards, 5 steals, 2 assists

Milwaukee tried as hard as they could to blow this one to Butler’s Wizards.  They allowed OT, despite an 11 point lead at the 1:32 mark in the 4th quarter.  Butler continues to be one of the most overlooked stars in the L.  Word to McDonald’s straws.

Al Jefferson — 40 points, 19 boards, 3 assists, 2 blocks, 1 steal

Even with this Herculean effort, the T-Wolves still barely beat the hapless Nets by 3.

Beast Of The Night:

Andris Biedrins — 26 boards, 11 points, 2 assists

If a tree falls in the woods… If your stats come against the Knicks, do they really count?  If basketballs were covered in cupcake icing, would Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph come to blows on each round opportunity?  If basketballs smelled like cheeseburgers, would E-City and Z-Bo physically threaten teammates into missing shots on purpose?

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Chicago Bulls, 77 vs. Phoenix.

Wow… it’s not unheard of for teams to have 77 at the HALF against Phoenix.  And the Suns only scored 88 in this one!  Classic early afternoon Sunday game.

Near Triple-Double Of The Night:

Chris Paul — 23 points, 17 assists, 9 boards, 2 steals, 1 block

Is there anything more fun on the basketball court for an NBA player than a second half with a 20-point lead against the Nuggets?  They don’t play D to start with, so once the game is out of reach, they provide less resistance than the Japanese Self-Defense Forces.  It’s all gravy for the opposition at that point, as exhibited by the best player on the current best team in the West, Chris Paul.

Rain Delay Of The Night:

We recently mentioned that the Phoenix Suns plan to play an outdoor pre-season game next year, but this weekend, outdoor conditions came inside, at the Staples Center.  In the first quarter of the Lakers/Cavs game, a constant water drip began falling right under one of the baskets.  Danger!  With the rare large amount of SoCal rainfall, it was first assumed the delay was a result of a leak in the roof.  Michele Tafoya was annoyingly all over the issue, courtside, while Bill Walton, from the studio, related interesting anecdote from his playing days regarding Spencer Haywood suffering a harsh knee injury as a result of a similar leak.  Eventually officials claimed roofers had been working on the roof earlier in the day, and left their wet clothes laying on a catwalk above the court.  Hmmm.  This begs for conspiracy theories.  We can’t come up with any good ones but… maybe it was the tears of Kobe Cryant were falling?

The Mailroom Supervisor’s Goo-Goo Gah-Gah Of The Night:

Waaaaaah!  The L.O.N. nursery is open to NBA teams.  The first infants in the MRSV’s care?  The baby-faced duo of Rajon Rondo and Boobie Gibson.  And yes, Boobie will be breast fed!

Another Celtics injury (K.G. missed Sunday’s game with an ab strain), another Celtics loss… Shocker:  Jason Kidd requests trade… Chris Webber to sign with Golden State.  Nellie vs. C-Webb, Round 2!!!… Damon Stoudamire waived by Memphis.  Next stop Boston?… With Corey Maggette sitting out with the infamous “flu-like symptoms”, Tim Thomas gunned his way to 23 attempts, pulling the L.O.N. C.E.O. a little closer in his season-long bet with the Resident Scientist…