L.O.N.

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Granger Of The Night:

Danny Granger — 41 points, 11 boards, 6 assists, 2 blocks, 1 steal

That’s 3 in a row.  That may be a L.O.N. record.  Somebody get the resident Archivist on it.

Beast Of The Night:

Marcus Camby — 27 boards, 19 points, 4 blocks, 2 assists, 1 steal

Awww, man.  What a wasted effort.  On the verge of a 4th straight victory, up 4 in the Chi, with about 20 seconds left… the Clippers happened.  Young rook Eric Gordon committed the unfathomable mistake of fouling namesake Ben Gordon on a 3.  Count it.  And-1.  Tie game.  While the Clip Joint surprisingly got a shot off (Dunleavy specializes in the end of game “no shot”), Al Thornton’s fadeaway baseline 20-footer was no good.  In OT, unimaginatively pounding the ball into Z-Bo, in the same spot, time after time ater time, eventually caught up with them, as the Bulls took the lead for good following two offensive fouls and an entry pass turnover.  Free Marcus Camby?

Playoff Intensity Of The Night:

Two games last night gave us a glimpse of spring, even in the heart(break) of the coldest winter.  It’s obviously impossible to generate legit playoff intensity this time of year, but sometimes old rivalries recall the ghosts of Playoffs past.  If that’s so, then let the Ceatles/Hawks be the haunting, and Spurs/Hornets the exorcism.  You see, sometimes the old spooks cannot be driven away (Ceatles 88, Hawks 85), and other times, demons from the past are cast out (Spurs 83, Hornets 90).

Contraction Club Of the Night:

Washington Wizards — 74 points vs. the Detroit Pistons

The ‘Stons quietly righting the ship?  Or a 3-game blip against 3 bad teams?

Minnesota T-Wolves — 70 points vs. the Cleveland Cavs

So bad they make the page melt.  So bad they don’t even make sense.  So bad they sense patty melts.

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Line Of The Night:

Ray Allen — 35 points, 2 boards, 2 assists

The Ray Allen jump shot is still such a beautiful sight, event after all these years.  The Ceatles needed every last one of them against the Pacers, as this season’s giant killers almost struck again, before falling in OT.

Beast Of The Night:

Amare Stoudemire — 22 points, 20 boards, 2 assists

The Suns used this effort to tough out a 2 point win over the Jazz.  Isn’t there a whole lotta complaining and bickering in Phoenix for a team that really isn’t in that bad of shape?

Kevin Garnett — 20 boards, 17 points, 5 steals, 4 assists, 1 block

One other note on the Boston OT win.  Why was the Indiana offense run through Rasho Nesterovic during OT?  Give it to Granger, already.

Near Fat Lever Of The Night:

Vince Carter — 14 points, 11 boards, 8 assists, 2 steals

This versatile Vinsanity voyage vaulted the Nets to victory over the Sixers.  With a winning record about a fourth of the way into the season… dare we mention the “P” word for Dirty Jerse?

Near Beast Of The Night:

Marcus Camby — 19 boards, 7 blocks, 3 assists, 2 steals

How a coach on a bad team that is going nowhere can survive a completely uninspired blowout loss at home to the Clippers is beyond us, in this day and age of the light speed spinning coaching carousel.  But as of the writing of this, Randy Wittman remains the captain of this long past sunken ship.  (Update:  Wittman out, Kevin McHale takes over).  In related news, a bit of a terrible team round robin tourney took place, with the Clip Joint visiting Memphis Friday, followed by Minnesota on Saturday.  We needed a Memphis/Minnesota matchup to truly set things off, but with a little middle school geometry, we can crown Minnesota as the second worst team in the West.  Congratulations.

David Lee — 19 boards, 12 points, 3 assists

Must be the new hairdo.  We’ll call it the fratboy mohawk.  Lee and the Knicks mauled the Pistons on Sunday, right from jump street.  Blame Iverson or Coach Curry?  The coach does not look like a good fit, to us, so far.  And his abrasive (although often true) interview comments, may not work well, for long.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Charlotte Bobcats — 74 points vs. Cleveland

The Cavs’ absolutely smothering D was on display, highlighted by 10 blocks, including one of LeBron’s now patented from-behind-layup blocks on Raymond Felton.  Cleveland has now won 8 straight games, all by double digits.  They are “in their bag”, currently, as Freeway might tell you.

Rookie Of The Night:

Russell Westbrook — 30 points, 7 boards, 2 assists, 2 steals

Ok, dude is officially freed and can officially get it done on the NBA level, although he does still need to figure out how to reign it in a bit, out there.  While the Outlaws still lost to the Heat, it was only by 6, and almost has to count for something with a team this bad.  Maybe if Westbrook had lived up to his supposed defensive rep, and held D-Wade to less than 38, they might have actually pulled one out.

Interview Of The Night:

David Duchovny was interviewed at halftime of Sunday’s Knicks/Pistons game as part of a segment called “Gimme A Minute with Jill Martin”.  Pure comedy.  First, she messes up the air date when mentioning the season finale of his show, Californication.  No, wait, back up.  FIRST, there are the litany of “I bet he would like a minute with Jill Martin” jokes, given his sex addict status.  But we’ll let you fill in your own punchline with that situation.  Second, she asks if the show might move to a New York location, to which he politely replies, “It’s hard to shoot a show called Californication in New York.”  Awesome.  She doesn’t even bat an eye, though, before mentioning he used to be a “balla”… sounding completely ridiculous.  And just to add to the “what in the hell is going here?” factor, a wheelchair basketball game is going on in the background!  Amazing.

Bobby Brown with the rare 360 wrong-hand lay-up.  Interesting…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

A moment of silence for the end of the Death Ray Goggle Era… …and now back to our regularly scheduled program.

Line Of The Night:

Yao Ming — 33 points, 14 boards, 5 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

Domination, baby (word to Method Man).  Yao put it on the Warriors Friday night, taking full advantage of his physical stature, drawing foul after foul after foul, and getting to the line 19 times.  He fouled out Andris Biedrins and Ronny Turiaf, and had Anthony Randolph, Stephen Jackson and Corey Maggette taking ridiculous turns at guarding him.  “Shrimp in the edifice!”, he cried all night long.

Beast Of The Night:

Dwight Howard — 23 boards, 21 points, 6 blocks

Oh, so Chris Wilcox, Johan Petro and Joe Smith can’t guard Howard?  OKC is still horrid under new coach Scotty Brooks, but definitely more entertaining with Russell Westbrook at the helm.  Let’s hope Earl Watson gets O.J.-time on the bench.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Portland Blazers — 78 points vs. The Ceatles

Now THAT’s what a contender looks like, Portland.  And another moment of silence to hear all of the WAAAAY too easy jokes resulting from Big Baby Davis literally crying in the 4th quarter after KG gave him an ol’ ear whuppin’.  Come on, man.  Honestly?  Your nickname is Big Baby and you give us the classic cry face on national TV?

Indiana Pacers — 73 points vs. The LeBrons

The reward for upsetting the Lakers?  Smashtime the next two games courtesy of the Beasts Of The East:  Boston and Cleveland.

Clippers lucky to avoid this list… only a couple J.R. Smith-esque garbage time heaves from Boom Dizzle got the Clip Joint over 80.

Near Oscar Robertson Of The Night:

LeBron James — 11 points, 11 assists, 8 boards, 3 blocks, 1 steal

This is like an Old (present) Jason Kidd NTD.  Biggest disappointment of the night, though, was provided by LeBron, but through no fault of his own.  During the Boston/Portland broadcast, the halftime host said something like “stay tuned at halftime for one of the best LeBron dunks ever”.  A nice dunk, sure, but maybe not in LeBron’s top 50.

An honorable mention to Paul Millsap, of all people.  He’s a five-star general in the double-double world, but triples?  He approached “near” status, but fell 1 dime short.  Wow.

Status Quo Of The Night:

Welcome to the NBA, Jay Triano!  Toronto’s new coach, faced with the unenviable task of going into the hardest arena to visit in the League, took a 27-point L.  Somewhere, Sam Mitchell was laughing at his suit.  And wishing he had that Vince Carter locker room scuffle on video.

Eat Your Breakfast Of The Night:

“Have some of this hot, Queens, quinoa, Ronny!”, said Ron Artest.

Actual quote from a Wizards announcer the other day, following a drive and lay-up by Portland’s Steve Blake:  “Steve Blake… unstoppable”  Um, really?… Kevin Ollie is not the answer… If you felt an extreme sense of peace and ease for a brief moment Thursday night, we know the reason.  For a few beautiful seconds, J.R. Smith dribbled in the corner, guarded by Manu Ginobili, and then executed a beautiful behind-the-back dribble move.  All was right in the world of L.O.N. with those two going head-to-head… Marvin Williams — that’s American for good, solid basketball… Does Jermaine O’Neal’s knee brace have hydraulics?  It definitely has candy paint.   Wood grain?…  Can we get an Avery Johnson/Bill Walton Christmas duets album?  Awesome…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Line Of The Night:

Nene — 19 points, 11 boards, 2 assists, 2 blocks

We come back from Turkey Time for this?  Absolutely no one qualifies for any of the L.O.N. special sections?  Come on ya’ll.  The importance of this line is that it even had the opportunity to happen.  Nene’s career has been racked by injuries and setbacks (and that’s WAY too weak of a word for cancer), and maybe this year, under the radar, he’s fulfilling some of that potential.  Stay healthy, dunny!

Worst Of The Night:

Mike Dunleavy is such a bad offensive coach, that not only can he not find ways to improve his players’ chances of scoring, but he somehow sucks the instincts from them, leaving them completely witless on the offensive end, especially in the 4th quarter.  This has been going on for years, spanning various personnel combos, and never was there a better example than last night’s chokefest vs. the Mavs.  The Clip Joint was up 96-84 with 4:33 left, and lost 98-100.  Yes sir… TWO POINTS IN 4:33!  Amazing.  The shots they threw up down the stretch were indescribably bad.

Jose Juan Barea, one of the Mavs’ offensive heroes, summed it up well:

“Their faces were looking shaky. They’re a good one-on-one team. We played like a team in the zone.”

Think that’s getting a bullet point on Dunleavy’s resume?  “I’ll make my players’ faces look shaky”.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

San Antonio Spurs — 77 points vs. the Pistons

San Antonio, you’ve been Sheeded.  Late in the third quarter, incensed at a call from a ref, Sheed came out of a timeout focused, going on a Sheed-0 run (6 straight points).  Game time.  It was Pistons from there… almost as if Dunleavy’s 4th Quarter Trance had somehow permeated it’s way into the San Antonio huddle.

Revenge, Getback And Retribution Of The Night:

Andre Miller — 28 points, 4 assists, 4 boards, 3 steals

In case you missed it over the weekend, Derrick Rose absolutely abused Dre in Philly, first with an out-of-nowhere-breakaway-Tayshaun-Prince-On-Reggie-Miller block, and then with an A.I.-On-Jordan-ankle-breaking crossover.  Miller literally fell on the ground.  If that had been a rap battle, Miller’s entire career would have been deaded.  We are talking Cuban Link after he crossed Fat Joe dead.  But in the NBA, there’s always another game, and in this case, and immediate rematch.  Miller can take a little solace in out-scoring the young gun last night, and getting the Sixers an OT win, but unfortunately heads are going to be typing “rose miller” in the YouTube search box for years to come.

Vlad-man’s Death Ray goggles… The Drought Is Over 6 > Dedication 3, hands down.  “All my kicks fly, like Liu Kang’s”.  Come on haters, deep on your heart you know that’s hot.  At least if you’re old enough to know who Liu Kang is… Chauncey Billups = even better than we thought… Lakers lose.  It’s news.  Done…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Line Of The Night:

Pau Gasol — 34 points, 6 boards, 3 assists

Lakers.  8-1.  Sickly talented.  Deal with it.

Near Triple-Double Of The Night:

Stephen Jackson — 20 points, 8 boards, 8 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

This is a nice line with a couple skeletons in the closet.  Those would be 5-18 shooting and 5 turnovers!  The Warriors won though, so all is forgiven.  The real issue is whether or not we should give in and enjoy this Anthony Morrow young’n?  The shot is sweet… but will Nellie soon bury him on the bench with no remorse?  Or is this a real breakout?

Near Beast Of The Night:

Troy Murphy — 19 boards, 10 points, 4 assists, 1 steal

With Murph grabbing 19 Rodmans (yeah, we’re some old heads), and Rasho Nesterovic dropping a ridic 21 points, 7 boards, 5 dimes, 3 blocks and 2 steals line, you might hazard a guess that the Hawks’ big man Al Horford left this one early on, with an ankle injury.  After this, their 4th straight L, looks like the wheels are falling in the A-T-L both literally (Al and Josh Smith out with ankle/foot injuries) and figuratively.  Ya’ll better keep some security ’round the players lot.

Chris Bosh — 40 points, 18 boards, 4 assists, 2 steals, 1 block

Battle?  Chris Bosh.  War?  Dwight Howard and the Magic.

Rookie Of The Night:

Greg Oden — 22 points, 10 boards, 2 assists, 2 blocks, 1 steal

Now that’s how you do it like a G O!

NBA-Tinged Lyrics Of The Night:

“Magic City Monday, yes she the-yere/Trying to catch a number of a couple more players/One from the Hawks and, one from the Braves and/the NBA types she want nothing but athletes”

That’s from Killer Mike’s “Delilah”, part of his Sunday Morning Massacre series.  Question… the young lady he’s talking about… is she on her way to a different city as a result of this losing streak?

Brian Scalabrine for mayor.  But really, why is USC home of the red-headed male?  Do they have a scholarship program?  A research project?  What?… LeBron James, youngest player to 11,000 career points…  Also youngest player to be “good friends” with a Hip-Hop mogul that happens to be a part owner of a team in arguably the most important market for the league… Tyler Zeller was probably cursed the second he stepped inside Chapel Hill city limits.  Dude looks just like Duke’s mascot!…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Line Of The Night:

The TNT production truck for the Denver/Cleveland game.

As the 3rd quarter began in last night’s game, a miracle of miracles occurred — Reggie Miller’s mic was cut off!  It was short-lived, and the words of the Czar were also lost in the collateral damage, but it was a glorious time nonetheless.  Praise Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Jah, Pac and the Ruler Zig Zag Zig Allah.

Near Fat Lever Of The Night:

LeBron James — 22 points, 11 assists, 8 boards, 3 steals

But it was all about the D, son.  Word is that at halftime, Bron was walking around singing: “Give me a ‘Lo lockdown, a ‘Lo lockdown, gimme a ‘Lo lock down, you looooose”.  And that’s what happened.  Life was very difficult for Melo in the second half and the Cavs got a rare (for the Melo/Bron Era) win over the Nuggets.

Near Beast Of The Night:

Erick Dampier — 18 boards, 16 points, 3 blocks, 1 assist, 1 steal

Nice little stat line from Damp, but the ship be sinking in Dallas, as they lost to the Chi and fell to 2-6.  FREE GERALD GREEN!

Andris Biedrins — 19 boards, 17 points, 2 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

Biedrins has been the highlight of an otherwise bleak season for G-State.  They lost this one to the Pistons, but your boy is starting to look like a nice all-around player.  What they really need to do is go ahead and ship Al Harrington so they can add another legit guy to their rotation.

Eat Your Breakfast Of The Night:

Hey Jason Maxiell — have some of this AZUBUIKE BACON!  EAT YOUR BREAKFAST, SON!  Courtesy of Head Chef Kelenna Azubuike.

NBA-Tinged Lyric Of The Night:

“‘Cause I was running game like Larry to a Bird who could score a lot of points while she dribbles on my balls ’cause she go hard for the green like Celtics”

That’s from 88-Keys’ “Ho’ Is Short For Honey” off his The Death Of Adam album.  It’s a solid album, but the theme/storyline he tried to go with does not add much, and probably detracts.  “Stay Up” feat. Kanye is the joint, though.

Matt Barnes, Rafter Alston and Steve Nash suspended for their roles in Wednesday night’s dust up.  Nash?  All he did was get abused twice by McGradles… Best ticket package around league?  Detroit’s 5-game “Fiverson Package”.  Get it?  Awesome… That was a garbage call/ejection on Kenyon.  Pure reputation.  Where’s the support Kenny and Chuck?  What did Kenyon do, exactly, on the last play?  Pure flop… OMG, if Will Bynum had completed that dunk on Turiaf…
Leandro Barbosa’s mother passed, and he will miss several games while he travels to Brazil.  Keep your head up, playa…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Line Of The Night:

Dwight Howard — 30 points, 19 boards, 10 blocks, 3 assists

That speaks for itself.  Beastaculous.  The real big man story in this Magic/Thunder game, though, was Robert Swift’s shocking makeover.  He went from the stringy, long-hair/slacker/skater/rocker look, to the product-induced, kinda short, metro mohawk look.   Odd.

Worst Of The Night:

There are probably a bunch of Lakers fans out there wondering why there is so little L.O.N. coverage of the only remaining undefeated team (the Ceatles made sure of that, taking down the Hawks in a thriller last night) thus far this year.  A team who, after all, features the Official Player of L.O.N., and Revolutionary Team Captain, Lamar Odom A.K.A. L-Eezy.  Well, first of all, L-Eezy isn’t exactly a featured member of that stacked team; he’s only cracked the 30 minute mark once.  Second of all, there is our well-chronicled history with the Kobster, A.K.A. Kobe Cryant.  But that is not even the deal-breaker.  Mr. Cryant is one of those “love to hate types”, and without our Mamba animosity, how could we love Kevin Garnet, J.R. Smith and Travis Outlaw so damn much?  Yin and Yang, ya’ll.  No, the straw that breaks the Lakers’ back is none other than Joel Meyers.  We literally cannot stand listening to the man talk for more than 23 seconds.  It’s like fingernails on a chalkboard meets a jackhammer to the abdomen.  A nuclear explosion of excruciating pain and irritance.  Give us national Lakers coverage, or our dawg Ralph Lawler calling an intra-city match, and we’ll be there for ya’ll.  Until then, though, it’s boxscores and boxscores only.

Near Ice Cube Of The Night:

Andre Iguodala — 18 points, 10 assists, 9 boards

This performance against the T-Dot marks three straight all-around games from the Other A.I. (Can we call him something else, though?  What?  An excruciating debate took place in the L.O.N. offices over this, and it remains unresolved), and with him rolling like this and Elton Brand having his best game of the season (25/8), the Sixers showed signs of living up to the hype last night.

T.J. Ford — 18 points, 9 assists, 8 boards, 3 steals

All you internet stat heads can rave all you want about Jose Calderon this, and assist-plus-minus-percentage-ratio that, but if the ball dropped on the court tomorrow, and L.O.N. had to pick somebody to run our squad?  T.J. Ford, all day, ereday.  A healthy (ok, that’s a big if, we admit) T.J. Ford can DOMINATE a game, and that is just what he did last night in Dirty Jerse.

Brad Miller — 16 points, 11 boards, 8 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

BRAD MIZZLE!  One country boy center dominates another (Chris Kaman).

Contraction Club Of The Night:

San Antonio Spurs, 78 points vs. the Milwaukee Bucks

This is a legit contraction scenario.  Off their current roster, you throw Tim Duncan and a couple other guys into a contraction draft and poof… it’s like they never existed.

The Mailroom Supervisor’s Honey Of The Night:

Amare Stoudemire — The MRSV says: “Nice scarf!  The wink, and he’s smiling and giving me googley eyes.”

About 4 years ago, the infamous Malice In The Palace went down.  Call it ugly, call it what you want, but we call it entertaining and have never pretended not to love any level of NBA skirmish, fight or brawl.  Last night’s Houston/Phoenix game gave us a little something something.

Matt Barnes set it off with an out-of-nowhere forearm shiver to Skip-To-My-Lou, who was about to set a standard high screen on Barnes.  From there an amorphous scrum broke out.  The whole thing was basically a lot of big guys pushing on little guys.  Barnes pushes Rafer Alston, then McGradles shoves lil’ Stevie Nash, then Big Shaq shoved every-damn-body.  While Barnes and Alston were initially separated, they almost managed to get back at each other right near the court side seats.  Suns coach Terry Porter managed to get in between them though, before it got really Bubba Sparxxx.  Other than those two guys, McGradles was the most heated, probably because he saw the initial cheap shot on his teammate.  He was ready to “ride together”, ala S-Jax back in ‘04, but he had Luis Scola to hold him back (word to big man peacemakers).  Ironically this whole thing was probably one idiot Pistons fan and a Ron Artest moment from getting extra out of hand, and guess who happened to be on the Rockets’ bench?

A logical question might be, “Why did Matt Barnes lick that initial shot on Skip?  Was there some sort of pretext?”.  Good luck with that.  Watching him over the years, we’ve seen that he has a temper, pure and simple.  He has never been afraid to lick a shot, and only Pac knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men.

Jermaine O’Neal two straight double-doubles, two straight losses.  Coincidence?… Nice to see Greg Oden make it through a game, and even have a few nice plays (a dunk and a couple blocks)… Wilson who?…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Line Of The Night:

Kevin Garnett — 21 points, 10 boards, 3 assists, 1 block

This is all about what you cannot see in the line.  Peezy went for 36, but he would have been sitting on the bench, getting blown out by the Raptors, if it was not for K.G.  Back at home after an intense win in Detroit, the Ceatles were about as lively as John Lennon and George Harrison during the first half.  The only exception was the Kid, who had his motor running, as usual.  When the rest of his guys still weren’t really into it in the second half, he ratcheted up to that other level, getting everybody going.  He even started pressing Jose Calderon full court, reaching and pointing and clapping and yapping the whole time.  It was a beautiful sight to behold.  Really, can’t they transform his blood into some kind of laptop battery?  Car fuel?  A general high efficiency energy source?  Obama has the solution to the country’s economic, gas, and enviromental problems right under his nose.

Worst Of The Night:

Hey Phoenix, if you are going to pound the ball into Amare and Shaq, maybe you guys should practice the entry pass?  We counted at least 6 failed entry passes in last night’s game against the Grizz.  Gross.  Matt Barnes alone screwed up 3 in a row, at one point!  Overall the Suns are in textbook Bizarro world right now… it’s an odd scene out there in Arizona.

Near Beast Of The Night:

Dwight Howard — 29 points, 19 boards, 1 steal, 1 block

Ok, Greg.  You’ve officially dodged the murder’s row of centers you were set to face to open the season, and your team, the Blazers, even came out of it with a respectable 4-3 record.  Time to come back an enjoy your overwhelming physical advantage.

Rookie Of The Night:

O.J. Mayo — 33 points, 5 assists, 3 boards, 3 steals

Wow.  Coming out of college, we were not exactly sure what Mr. Mayo was going to give us in the NBA.  After two consecutive 30+ games, now we know (well, maybe we don’t… after all, these performances came against the no D Warriors and the “what the hell are we doing out here, coach?” Suns).  Dude is a natural offensive (more offensive than Ralph Nader, more offensive than Andrew Dice Clay, more offensive than Mike Martz, more offensive than Michael Vick at the Westminster Kennel Club, more offensive than an Eminem concert in the Vatican, more offensive than our earlier Beatles comment) talent, and not afraid to have the ball in his hands.  In fact, if every player in uniform for both the Grizz and the Suns had ganged up on him and physically tried to wrestle the ball away from him last night in the 4th quarter, it might have been mission impossible.  And we’re including Shaq in that.  He literally had the ball in his hands over 90% of the time for the Grizz in the fourth.  He balled out for sure, but we were definitely having visions of early-post-Shaq-liberated Kobe.  Mayo could have capped this performance off with a big time clutch shot, but failed on a long, long gun to tie with a few seconds left.

Overall, Memphis has a whole lot of talent, but almost no clue how to play with each other.  With under two minutes to go, they failed to inbound the ball TWICE IN A ROW!  Come on, guys.

Hakim Warrick to Robin Lopez:  get some, have some, want some!  EAT YOUR BREAKFAST!!!!… Amare removes the goggles.  Too bad, we kind of liked them… Leandro Barbosa finally suited up last night, dropping 27 points, but still only played 22 minutes… It hurts to see what has become of the Vinsanity of it all.  He looked hapless last night in clutch (2 turnovers in 3 possessions), as D-Wade showed him how it is properly done… How much extra time do K.G., The Truth and Ray Allen have on their hands now that every single media outlet in the universe no longer has to do an obligatory “Big 3″ feature?  More or less than Melo has, now that the braids are gone?…  The obligatory Hawks reference:  Solomon Jones… Gold medalist Nastia Liukin court side, in Pacers jersey, at Pacers game, but actually a Mavericks fan…  FREE ALICIA SACRAMONE!…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Line Of The Night:

Devin Harris — 38 points, 5 boards, 2 assists, 1 steal

These 38 points against the Pistons included 20-24 from the line!  The question everyone is going to ask… would Chauncey have allowed that?  A.I.’s offense is unquestioned, but he brings a different type of defensive presence than Mr. Big Shot.  Even on O, down the stretch, there were a couple of plays where A.I. made a much different play than Chauncey would have in the same situation, but A.I.’s way worked, too, in those cases.  Losing to the teams like the Nets, though, will not work.  So it still remains to be seen how well he will fit in defensively — and overall — with a franchise that has become synonymous with the word “team” in recent history.

Worst Of The Night:

Have the wheels fallen completely off in D.C.?  The Wiz dropped to 0-4 after a 108-114 loss to the Knicks on Friday. Ever since Agent Zero hurt his knee, they started to develop and identity as a tough, gritty, defensive team, and now, so far this year, they are giving up more points than a great icosahedral 120-cell.

Near Oscar Robertson Of The Night:

Dwyane Wade — 33 points, 10 boards, 9 assists, 3 steals

So this is what he would look like if D-Wade was allowed to play back at Marquette for a few games.  After the Tony Parker injury, San Anton went from a team that traditionally has one of the best D’s in the league, to a team that looks like one of the best D-League teams, in the league.

LeBron James — 27 points, 9 boards, 8 assists, 4 blocks, 1 steal

You know what it is, you know how it is.  The 4 blocks really underscores probably the only under-rated aspect of the King’s game — his D.  And speaking of game… Business LeBron has plenty of it, don’t he?

C.J. Watson — 9 points, 8 boards, 8 assists, 1 steal, 1 torn elbow ligament

Watson took over Nellie’s point guard reins, in place of DeMarcus Nelson, Friday night, and stuffed the stat sheet, but the team took an L to the Grizz.  This could be yet another short-term situation, as Marcus Williams — the most pedigree-ed PG of the 3 — finally made his Warriors debut and may have this spot on lock soon.

Jason Kidd — 22 points, 10 boards, 9 assists, 2 blocks, 1 steal

A near-triple-double list this long would only be complete with the master.  Uh… what were we saying about Billups’ D?

Juan Dixon made a surprising run at this section last night, too, but amazingly came up short in the points column with only 5 — rarely seen.

Moment Of Reflection Of The Night:

The scene:  Carmelo Anthony, fresh off a victory over the Dallas Mavericks, in Chauncey Billups’ (a legit point guard) debut, wanders Denver’s 16th Street Mall, with a mindless grin wide across his face, mumbling:

“And I wonder, if you know, what it means…. to find your dreams… And I’m back on my grind… a psychic read my lifeline… Told me in my lifetime… My name would help light up the Denver skyline.. and that’s why I’m… 7 o’clock that’s prime time… Coach Karl watch, imploring me from the sidelines… he always give me playing time…I’m a star, how could I not shine?…Now Chauncey Billups in the house… Chauncey Billups in the house without a doubt… Something with this deal got me thinking it’s for real… I gotta point!… We got a Black presideeeeeeent… Trade it for nothing, not even a MVP and some riiiiiiiiiiiiings… You ever wonder what it all really mean?… You ever wonder if you’ll ever find your dreams?”

Team Dime Of The Night:

Mike Bibby — 19 points, 12 assists, 3 boards,

Apparently Bibby is not intimidated by all those mean mugs Jose Calderon offers up during games.  Apparently the rest of the league should be intimidated by — GASP — the best team in the East, your Atlanta Hawks!  They stomped the life out of the Raptors last night (come on fellas, make a run!) despite losing J-Smoove early on to a high ankle sprain.  The ATLiens might even be able to keep this type of play up without their star, considering their bench has been a strength so far this season.  Smith may decide he has achieved it all and just retire, anyway.  Right before he got hurt, he put down a sick alley oop and received a perfect 10 on the vaunted Dominique “Dunk-O-Meter”.  Really, what more is there?

Shaq sits out vs. the Bulls in the first game of a back-to-back situation, and with that 6 and 5 line, looks like Steve Nash basically sat out, too… George Hill at least showed the physical attributes to explain his selection by the Spurs in the 1st round… This just in — the Jazz are good at home… Brad Miller back on the scene, drops a double-double on Al Jefferson’s head, Kings win…  Come on.  Rudy Gay.  That dude is sick.  Nastaculous.  We once called him the next Tim Thomas.  Public apology…  FREE RUSSELL WESTBROOK!… Sorry, K-Mart, but we’re not feeling the lip print tattoo behind your ear.  It’s not even because it’s red lips.  It makes us feel like we have an itch behind our ear… OMG, Brandon Bass, says the Birdman…

As seen on SLAMOnline.

Line Of The Night:

Tony Parker — 55 points, 10 assists, 7 boards

Get your shine on, get your shine on, all day long, Tony, get your shine on!  Possibly because he’s not a “pure” point and because he has two star teammates in Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobili, the French Pastry is left out of the “best point guard in the game” arguments, time after time after time.  But guess what — your boy does in fact play point guard, regardless of his pureness, he has won three chips, and now, with this double-nickel performance, joined a club which previously only had two members — Michael Jordan and Oscar Robertson.  Come on ya’ll, he’s in the conversation.  Just ask Randy Foye and Corey Brewer, two guys that will probably get a little sick to their stomach at even the sight of a croissant, in the future.

Honorable Mention Of The Night:

Amare Stoudemire — 49 points, 11 boards, 6 assists, 5 steals, 2 blocks

LeBron James — 41 points, 9 boards, 6 assists, 4 steals

Sorry guys.  It was looking good early, for one of you, then “Minnesota finds a million ways not to close out the Spurs” happened.  Double OT = double-nickel.

Worst Of The Night:

This is not a good sign for the Charlotte Larry Brown Era:

“Jared! Jared!” Brown yelled down the bench, looking for forward Jared Dudley.  “He’s in the game,” one player called back.

No further comment necessary.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

New Orleans, 79 points vs. the ATLiens

Did we mention this was in New Orleans?  That’s a nice road win, Atlanta.  Looks like Dem Georgia Boys did not get complacent after their playoff run-in with the Ceatles last season and are bringing the D this year.  They have yet to give up more than 90 points in a game, and are now undefeated at 3-0.  Could this be your Southeast Division title winners?

Thanks, But I’ll Keep My Job Of The Night:

Luke Ridnour — 20 points, 11 assists, 7 boards, 2 steals

Right after we called for his job, Ridnour shows us why it is in fact, his job, in a 112-104 OT win over Washington.  His P-N-C Ramon Sessions had a 22/8 night, as well, so maybe Washington needs to work on that perimeter defender?  Stopping the ball is usually a good idea.

Eat Your Breakfast Of The Night:

During the 4th quarter of the Denver/G-State game, Andris Biedrins dribbled the ball near center court.  He found Captain Jack at the high post, then received the ball back on the ol’ give-and-go, guarded by Nene.  He somehow made a quick dash back into the Oracle’s kitchen, then BAAAAAM!!!!  “HAVE SOME OF THESE LATVIAN BACON CREPES, NENE!!!!!!  Do they have those in Brazil, playa?”

Nene made quick work of his meal, then kindly left a tip — the and-1 foul.

D-Wade was 2 blocks away from 5×5 glory… Kelenna Azubuike had a ridic block on a Dahntay Jones dunk attempt.  Dude never did like breakfast… MJ and Ahmad courtside together in the Garden?  We know somebody has a punch line for that…  How is it humanly possible, in a Mike D’Antoni offense, for a guy to score 24 points on 9-12 shooting in the 1st half of a game, and then take 0 shots in the second half?  Nate Robinson pulled it off, last night, somehow… Another terrible game for the Clip Joint.  They drop to 0-5 after succumbing to a late 22-0 run by the Lakers…