L.O.N.

Line Of The Night:

Stephon Marbury — 8 points, 2 assists, 1 steal, 1 board

As if the Paul Peezy/K.G.-led Ceatles were not already fully backed by L.O.N., now they have an apparently motivated Starbury?  It is on now.  This is the final push they needed for us to fully back their Playoff campaign again this year.  Sorry, LeBron.  We will admit, however, the whole “3″ logo on his head is extremely awkward, at this point.

Starbury looked rusty for sure, but showed signs of his old self.  And while it is an easy joke to make, he legitimately looked like he was having problems with his shoes and/or footing.  Maybe he needs to at least step it up to the 34.99 Al Harrington Protege joints?

Worst Of The Night:

Chicago Bulls — 23 point loss (113-90) to the Wiz with President Obama court side

You are better than that, Chicago.  Word to Mark Jackson.  After meeting the President, who claims ya’ll as his favorite squad, and having him attend your game against the worst team in your conference?  Awful.  How awesome is the Obama part of this whole scenario, though?  Just imagine a L.O.N. logo with the Obama “O”, right now.  We like the direction of this administration already.

Beast Of The Night:

Al Horford — 22 boards, 21 points, 1 assist, 1 block

It has been a relatively quiet — or at least under the radar — season for Horford thus far.  After getting a lot of pub last year for being the dark horse R.O.Y. candidate, his understated game has slid into the shadows this year.  But not last night.  Although Miami’s position is far from the secure, this is a possible preview of the 4-5 first round playoff match up in the East.  It would be interesting to see if the Hawks’ team dynamic could out match the one Wade show in M-I-Yayo.

Distribution Center Of The Night:

Chris Paul — 20 assists, 9 points, 7 boards

A ridiculous night for Paul, but the real story was the Hornets completely blowing a 17-point lead with 4 minutes remaining, only to have Tyson Chandler make an amazing putback tip in the final seconds to secure the win.  There is some sort of mind-bending symmetry there, given the rescinded trade situation.  Don’t expect us to put it into words though.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Los Angeles Lakers — 79 points vs. the Denver Nuggets

Sorry, give us the words “bad”, “Kobe Bryant”, and “Denver, and we only can think of one thing.  Go ahead, Google those 3 phrases, we’re not the only ones.  Then we start thinking Michael Vick and Charles Grant and hypocrisy and all types of thoughts that will ruin our Friday night if we expound.  So just go ahead and contract the Lakers and everything will be solved.  Thanks.

Near Beast Of The Night:

Lamar Odom — 19 boards, 12 points, 1 assist

Not as impressive as usual, considering the Lakers shot 29%!!!!!  Wow.

Shaqtastically Shaquisite Of The Night:

Shaqtus — 45 points, 11 boards, 3 steals, 2 assists, 1 block

Fun.  Smiles.  Joy.  Keep getting your Shaq on, Shaq.  Keep it Shaqqy.  The world is a better place with a Shaq like this.

With a talented team, it seems too easy to run up regular season wins using the patented D’Antoni style.  Doesn’t it make more sense to rack up those wins, get homecourt advantage, and roll the dice in the Playoffs, despite the forced change in style?  In retrospect, it seems crazier and crazier that the Suns broke up the nucleus.  If it was financial based, that is a whole other topic, but if it was a purely basketball decision, it was purely idiotic.

???? Of The Night:

Raymond Felton — 26 points, 9 assists, 4 steals, 3 boards, 1 block

Tough.  Gritty.  A winner.  You might raise your eyebrows at the last descriptor, given his career record, but that’s how we would describe Felton.  Is he the best shooter in the world?  Not at all.  The best playmaker?  No way.  Is his game smooth or pleasing to the eye?  Definitely not.  But do you want him on your team, “in the trenches” as they say?  Every.  Single.  Day.

The Bobcats took down a tough road win in the town where Oscar Grant’s ghost lingers, longing for justice, but not without making it interesting.  With the score tied, shot clock turned off and G-State in the bonus, Stephen Jackson took the inbounds pass and was immediately fouled intentionally by Boris Diaw?!?!?!  Somehow, Larry Brown kept his composure as Captain Jack hit both free throws.  But Diaw made it look like all part of the master plan.  Felton drove, kicked to Raja Bell, who swung it to Diaw for 3… splash.  Charlotte threw the ensuing inbounds pass directly out-of-bounds and it was almost a wrap, but not before infamous ref Bennett Salvatore made it a little more interesting by first declaring the pass had been deflected, before completely reversing field, with no consultation, and saying it was not deflected.  Guess he wanted to make that reservation after all.  And this was after one of his ref buds made a similar reversal a few plays back!  Another wild one in the Bay.

What’s that buzz you hear?  It is Detroit talk radio going nuts: “Rip starts and we win! Blah blah Iverson blah blah blah”… Coincidence that Rajon Rondo produced 17 assists during Marbury’s first game with the team?… Larry Hughes drops 25 in his best game thus far as a Knick.  FREE LARRY HUGHES!!!!… Russell Westbrook or Avon Barksdale?… Pops Mensah-Bonsu.  Consider that a warning…  Kid Cudi or Heartbreak Drake?  Pick your side now.  The Revolution is not kind to bystanders…

As seen on SLAMOnline:

Kanye’s “Street Lights” makes this entire experimentation phase of sorts he’s in, or whatever you want to call it, worth it.  That’s classic material.  Can’t you see P.J. Carlesimo contemplating life, to that track, as he gets the hell out of Oklahoma City?  Yeah, we can’t either.

Line Of The Night:

Vinsanity — 39 points, 9 boards, 6 assists, 1 steal

Sorry Mr. Bosh.  We’ve put you through a rough week.  You had last night’s L.O.N.nie wrapped up, only to have Mr. Carter (no not that one… no not that one either… yeah, that one) come through and snatch it.  His clutch shots give him a shot at this honor, and then that perfect game-ending reverse alley-oop sealed the deal.  Word to Lawrence Frank on that, too.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

T-Wolves — 78 points vs. the Ceatles

This franchise had it’s heart and soul stolen when KG was shipped to Boston, and last night he finally came back to put the proverbial stake in said heart.  And then there was dust.

Memphis — 76 points vs. the Mavs

Mike Conley, supposed point guard, 14 points and 0 assists.  Let us only pray to Pac above that this not the only Buckeye failure of the weekend.

Trade Of The Night:

G-State gets:

J-Creezy

The Knickerbockers get:

Al Harrington

In reality, this is a pure FREE AL HARRINGTON situation, but as soon as the deal went down, the L.O.N. offices were awash in celebration with the news that fellow Michigan alum (ok, he’s probably not official alum, but ya’ll know what we’re sayin’) Jamal Crawford was heading to one of our favorite teams.  Of course, since he was leaving the new-fangled Knicks, where he was a key component of D’Antoni’s attack, his new situation is probably equal, at best, for the entertainment factor, but we still love it.

As a eulogy on the Al Harrington/Nellie Era, we never quite understood the problem.  Seemed an ideal situation for Al, but now he’s probably headed to an equally ideal spot.  Get ‘er done, Al.  And pour out a little red-eye cocktail service for Jonathan Bender, while you’re at it.

Trade Part II Of The Night:

The Clip Joint gets:

Zach Randolph
Mardy Collins

The Knickerbockers get:

Cat Mobley
Tim Thomas

This is atrocious on so many levels for the Clippers that we do not even know where to start.  When the season began, D’Antoni and Donnie Walsh probably had a convo something like this: Walsh:  “Hey Mike, let’s try to get Z-Bo off to a hot start so we can find some sucker to take him of our hands.”  D’Antoni:  “Aww man… do I have to?  I was hoping to have a my own version of the 3 Tenors down there w/ Starbury, E-City and him.”  Walsh:  “Do it.  Trust me.”

Hypnotism?  Blackmail?  What’s your secret, Mr. Walsh?  More importantly, who is going to eat cheeseburgers with E-City, now?

Hey Mr. Dunleavy, why don’t you hand the Knicks the keys to the NBA for the ’10’s?  This puts them in the pole position of the LeBron sweepstakes, or so conventional wisdom says.  Oh to have access to the Patriot Act wiretap trained on the James household today… ABUZZ.

Rookie Of The Night:

Derrick Rose — 25 points, 5 assists, 3 boards, 2 steals

Derrick’s jumper was certainly in full bloom (buh-doomp-doomp-piiisshhhhh) last night in G-State.  He took over this game down the stretch, hitting j after j after j after j.  He even gave the crowd the ol’ finger-over-the-lips “hush” symbol after one shot.  Too bad he apparently got stabbed on the court, somehow, near the end.  He finished the game in pain, on the bench, with an icepack on his abdomen.  Weird.  This odd injury closely followed fellow rook Anthony Randolph being hit in the neck by an invisible blow dart.  Some definite hijinx went down in the Bay, last night.  Speaking of Randolph… he may be Nellie’s dream player.  He’s a longer L-Eezy without quite the same handle.  Nellie likes his handle enough, though, as he had him bringing the ball up as the point several times.  He looks raw, exciting, and wildly inconsistent.  But hella fun.  Another speaking of… why haven’t Odom and Nellie hooked up?  Isn’t Lamar the definition of?  Somebody make it happen.

Insult To Injury Of The Night:

It has been well-documented that after comparing notes with fellow Duke alum Carlos Boozer, this past off-season, Elton Brand snaked the Clip Joint.  Well, last night he added venom to the insult.  And the injury.  Despite struggling most of the night, Brand nailed the go ahead jumper in the final minutes, and was right there on D to prevent the Clippers from scoring.  Who knows though… Dunleavy seems to be collecting big men that make a lot of money.  Maybe they’ll trade for him.

Orlando has slide under our radar a bit.  They started off slow, but now are right there with the LeBrons at 2nd in the East.  Nice… Rasho!  You missed your chance!  2 more points in you’re in the Near Ice Cube section!  Ever again?… Come on J.R., don’t go out as the garbage man… Houston has to at least take a, um, quantum of solace in the fact that despite their disjointed play, they are sitting ok at 8-5… Will someone please play power forward for Charlotte?  This is getting ridiculous… With limited roster, Starbury given the option to play and chooses not to… The Thunder is so disgusting.  Sorry, Kevin…