L.O.N.

Line Of The Night:

Dirk Nowitzki — 48 points on 12-15 shooting and 24-24 from the free throw line, 6 boards, 4 assists, 4 blocks

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again.  Big.  Dirk.  Like.  Whut.  If Scott Brooks had walked into his living room, flicked on his PS3, set the level to All-World-Pro-Star and played the Mavs, the computer might have, at it’s ceiling, produced a game like this.  Automatic.  Robotic.  And he even went a stretch in the 4th, during the Jose Juan Barea Show, when he didn’t really shoot much!  He didn’t even cap out!  This was an all-time great playoff performance.  Become legendary.

Worst Of The Night AKA Not So Bad Of The Night:

Russell Westbrook — 20 points on 3-15 shooting, 3 assists, 3 boards, 1 steal

People were all over him again last night for his shooting percentage, but he obeyed our rule — he shot less than Kevin Durant, whose ridiculous 40 point night was overshadowed by Dirk’s redirkulous night.  We are not even going to get on Westbrook too hard.  He stayed aggressive.  He lived in the lane (only 4 shots outside the paint) and foul line (14-18 there), and he shot no 3’s!  Game 2 will be his true test.  Does he go to that Kobe, hero style, our does he stick with this style game, knowing he is probably not going to miss all those shots again?  Oh, but still expect a million street MC’s to start giving us “I shoot more than Westbrook” lines.

For Threeeeeeeeee Of The Night:

Jason Kidd — 3 points, 3 boards, 3 steals, 3 turnovers, 3 fouls, 3 3-point attempts

All three everything?  Is there a numerologist in the building?

Enough with the blue outs, when the other team WEARS THAT COLOR!  We kept thinking it was an OKC home game when looking at that crowd… OKC probably is not feeling all that bad about this one.  They had this one down to 6 points late despite Dirk’s once in a lifetime game, so if they tighten some stuff up, this will be a series… Kevin Durant looked like a creature from another world on the play where he grabbed the defensive rebound and took it coast-to-coast… Should James Harden start?  Thabo Sefolosha seems to be nothing more than a placeholder in this matchup, with no real wing player for him to lock down…  The Cavs win the #1 pick in the NBA Draft via the Clippers pick they acquired in the Baron Davis deal.  Yikes, that deal looks a whole lot worse now, but it’s typical Clip Joint ish… Nate Robinson, go to your room.  Word to Tony Kornheiser…

Line Of The Night:

Derrick Rose — 33 points, 9 assists, 2 boards

D-Rose gets the stats, his teammates get his back.  Rose was the steady rock on offense that he always is, but the key to closing this one out was the defense supplied by the bench in the 4th quarter.  The Bulls, anchored by Taj Gibson, Ronnie Brewer and Omer Asik, took the Hawks completely out of their offense in the 4th, forcing tough shot after tough shot.  Only Jeff Teague could manage much, and he was probably 5th on the Bulls emphasis list.  The defense is our backbone.

Worst Of The Night:

J-Creezy — 2 points on 1-9 shooting

Ouch.  Following Game 1, the Bulls have absolutely shut Crawford down in this series.  Locked.  Down.  For the Hawks to have any chance to do the improbable, they are going to need some offense from our guy.  C’mon, Creezy!

Executive(s) Of The Year Of The Night:

Miami Heat president Pat Riley and Chicago Bulls general manager Gar Forman have been named co-recipients of the NBA Executive Of The Year award.  Cop out.  Pick one or the other, or better yet, don’t pick either.  Riley was gift-wrapped LeBron and Bosh, as they seemed to decide amongst themselves where the wanted to play, and then Riley didn’t really do an outstanding job with the supporting cast.  Forman’s Bulls also won a little bit in spite of their roster, with the major improvement coming from within.  He does get some credit for the Thibodeau hire, though.  Our winner?  Whoever is running things down in Dallas (Donnie Nelson, we think).  Tyson Chandler, Peja Stojakovic, Corey Brewer… the list goes one.

Tattoo Of The Night:

This is what happens when NBA players are sent fishing early.  Let the “Andrei Kirilenko to Denver” rumors begin.  The real question, though:  does the dragon rider get a once-a-year free pass from Kirilenko’s wife, too?

Uniforms Of The Night:

The Washington Wizards unveiled their revamped uniforms for the 2011-12 season.  Yes!  Back to the red, white and blue.  It’s a beautiful thing.  Thank you, Ted Leonsis (Washington’s owner).  Now get on your grind with the name change.  Complete the cipher and give us a Washington Bullets renaissance.

Best Apology Of The Night:

Andrew Bynum:  “My actions … don’t represent me, my upbringing, this franchise or any of the Laker fans out there that want to watch us and want us to succeed.  Furthermore, and more importantly, I want to actually apologize to J.J. Barea for doing that. I’m just glad that he wasn’t seriously injured in the event and all I can say is, I’ve looked at [the replay], it’s terrible and it definitely won’t be happening again.”

Sounds like Bynum really knows he screwed up and feels bad about it.  Good job.  He will still have to sit out the first 5 games of next season, though, after being suspended by the league for his actions.

Worst Apology Of The Night:

LeBron James:  “I want to apologize for using the ‘R’ word after Game 3.  If I offended anyone, I sincerely apologize.”

Oh, LeBron.  You used the dreaded “if I offended anyone”.  That’s not good enough.  When you say that, you are saying:  “I don’t even know why I’m apologizing, but I’ll throw one out there anyway.”  Better not to apologize at all, than give us that garbage.

Surely his Bulls teammates were thrilled with Carlos Boozer’s Game 5 victory guarantee, considering he spent much of the 4th quarter on the bench… Some of the things Josh Smith can do on the court — so sick.  We love him leading the break… Marv Albert and Steve Kerr were on a roll last night.  Comedy… Larry Bird to return as Indiana Pacers team president… Pau Gasol ends speculation, says he and his girlfriend are fine, he and Kobe are fine, and the that rumors themselves caused the emotional problems he was having…

Last night the L.O.N. offices caught their first solid glimpses of the 2011 title parade.  There was lots of sun and boats.  Lots of flashes of white.  Those LA cats are not done yet, but we have seen a vision, and if they keep falling asleep at the wheel, Miami is taking the chip.  They looked really, really good.

Line Of The Night:

LeBron James — 35 points, 7 boards, 2 assists, 1 steal, 1 block

It is absolutely wonderful watching LeBron play with this much help on this side.  It gives him the freedom to dip and dive into various roles on the court — scoring here, setting up there, oh, now he’s organizing the D.  The Heat are clicking on all cylinders.  Defense.  Offense.  Coaching.  Everyone on the team is involved.  Everyone has bought in.  It’s all there.  They continue to be the most impressive team this post-season, but the sleeping giant that is the Lakers, still lurks.

MVP Of The Night:

Derrick Rose — 1 MVP award

Rose becomes the youngest player ever to win the award in a runaway vote.  Dwight Howard finished a distant 2nd.  We would get into why we disagree with the selection, but all attention today goes to Rose’s beautiful acceptance speech (skip to the 5 minute mark).  First of all, he was looking sharp in a navy blue ensemble.  Second of all, his heartfelt thanks to his Mom was a special, special thing.  Dude is amazing.  The way he put life into perspective is something we all could take to heart.  Despite too many Dook teammates, Rose has supporters for life in L.O.N.

A Good Talking To Of The Night:

Russell Westbrook — 24 points on 9 of 20 shooting (most attempts on the team), 6 assists, 3 steals, 2 boards

Russell, Russell, Russell.  Yes, we know you won, but that is beside the point.  Yes, we know you can get an open 17-footer every time.  But have you considered that they want you to shoot that shot?  Yes, we know you dribble the ball down the court most of the time.  But that does not mean you have to shoot most of the time.  Look around you.  Do you see that tall, lanky guy over there?  His name is Kevin Durant.  He is one of the top 3 - possibly the best - scorer in the game.  He is also a very polite young man, so we are forced to deliver this message.  Believe us, he is thinking it.  GIVE HIM THE BALL!  YOU SHOULD NOT BE CONSISTENTLY SHOOTING MORE THAN HIM!  IT WILL BE YOUR TEAM’S DOWNFALL!

Ok, that felt good.  We are not sure Scott Brooks has the necessary personality meshing skills to get this team over-the-top.  Maybe he needs to take it back summer basketball camp style, and put in a quota.  Remember the drill where your team had to pass at least 5 times or whatever, before shooting?  Well, for Westbrook, he is allowed to shoot as much as he wants, as long as it is one less shot than Durant.  Shoot 50 times, just make sure Durant shoots 51!

That Ain’t Gonna Work Of The Night:

Michael Conley — 24 points, 8 assists, 2 boards, 1 steal

Very nice output from Conley, but Memphis will not win that way.  Oklahoma City clogged up the paint very well last night, turning Memphis into a mostly jump-shooting team.  To his credit, Conley (as well as Sam Young and O.J. Mayo) stepped up admirably, hitting a lot of key shots.  These guys kept the Grizz in the game long after most teams would have packed it up and headed home for Game 3.  These guys have that dog in ‘em.  But Z-Bo has to, um, Z-bound from this lackluster effort and get back in that paint.  He settled for jumpers early and often.  You talk trash, you gotta back it up.

Mike Bibby having his giant cross tattoo removed?  We need the inside scoop.  Is he starting an acting career?  Is he replacing it with something bigger and better?  What’s the deal?…  Chris Paul courtside at the Heat game.  Let the rumors begin!  Oh, not about where he wants to play, but what was up with his eyes?  He had the hat pulled low, with a really strange look on his face… If you didn’t notice, Russell Westbrook drives is crazy.  Laughing after he blew that wide open dunk did not help things… We see you, Darrell Arthur.  Serge Ibaka left his table just in time though, to avoid his breakfast… Wow, so Kevin Garnett is the healthiest of the Celtics right now?…

Andre 3 Stacks told us back in 1995 that “the South got something to say”.  That sure rang true as the 2nd Round began.  The Dirty Dirty South was definitely in the building with Memphis and Atlanta pulling off their surprising Game 1 upsets over Oklahoma City and Chicago, respectively.  Dallas and Miami are more South by geography than culture, but they held up their end of the bargain.  We’ll see if the South keeps talking.

Line Of The Night:

Joe Johnson — 34 points, 4 boards, 3 assists, 3 steals

Jamal Crawford — 22 points, 3 assists, 1 board, 1 steal, 1 block

Last night Chuck said he wished he could put Jamal Crawford’s brain in Joe Johnson’s body.  While we appreciate Barkley’s ruminations on brain-swapping — on of our favorite pasttimes — if they play like they did last night, they are the perfect fire & ice combo.  In fact, they meet one of Barkley’s other favorite scenarios.  To win a championship, he claims, you must have “That Dude” (Johnson) and a “Crazy Guy” (J-Creezy).

No doubt, Johnson was at the top of his game last night, with the perfect combination of efficiency and assertiveness.  While Creezy’s crazy is there every night, this type of game is not always what the Hawks get from Johnson.  OutKast went on to be one of the greatest Hip-Hop groups of all-time after Andre’s statement.  Only last night’s version of Joe Johnson can lead the Hawks to a similar post statement impact.

Worst Of The Night:

The Los Angeles Lakers blowing a 16-point 3rd quarter lead.

How did that happen?  Other than Dallas’ end of half mental gaffes, the Lakers seemed to be dominating on their own accord.  They seemed to be maximizing every offensive advantage their unique lineup provided.  They made Dallas look like Dirk and a bunch of mismatched one-way players.  Dallas lived on the perimeter, which is usually assured post-season death.  Then just like that, whether it be lost mental focus, or the genie going back in the bottle, the Lakers looked like a mess.  They were powerless to prevent the Mavs from slowly creeping back in.  With about 2:30 left, they had the ball, still up 3.  Their game, still, right?  But from then on, it was a string of bad possessions (other than Kobe’s final shot), largely due to some tremendous Dallas defense.  Mix in a couple breaks that went Dallas’ way, as well as some crazy shots from Dirk, and the Lakers found themselves in a familiar 0-1 deficit.

And is it a coincidence that Kobe’s two highest shot games this post-season have been the two Lakers Game 1 losses?  He looked outstanding in the 1st quarter, as he looked to but his imprint on the game and series, but as game clock wound, he maybe should have followed that 1st quarter output up with at least 1 assist.  Might have been the difference in this nailbiter.

Big Dirk Like Whut Of The Night:

Dirk Nowitzki — 28 points, 14 boards, 3 assists, 2 steals, 1 block

He played damn near flawless.  We could have done without that “fake tough guy” chicken wing he threw towards Artest, and there was one play in which he tried to finish at the rim in a hopelessly soft manner, but we cannot hate on his output.  Redirkulous.

Coach Of The Year Of The Night:

Tom Thibodeau received his Coach Of The Year award before the game last night.  After falling behind to the Hawks 0-1, he has to prove his worthiness all over again.  Larry Drew was like Hakeem Olajuwon after David Robinson won the 1995 MVP.  Drew was Dream Shakin’ on the chalkboard and dropping 50 in the huddle.  Now who’s coach of the year, Tom!

The Bulls did show one strategy change late in the game — trapping the ball as crossed halfcourt — that did prove at least bothersome to the Hawks.  All the coaching in the world won’t make Korver quicker than Teague, anyone capable of stopping some of those Johnson and Creezy shots, or heal Derrick Rose’s re-sprained ankle, but the Bulls have to come up with something better on offense.

Al Horford on the Hawks, Joakim Noah on the Bulls, Corey Brewer on the Mavs, and Taurean Green on the ???  Seems like some team out there fishing right now missed an auto-pass to the 2nd Round by not handing out a minimum contract to the fourth Gator… The Kings are back in Sacramento for at least one more year…