L.O.N.

Vegas. March Madness. House guests. Yeah, at L.O.N. we make excuses. We know ya’ll are feeling L.O.N.nie withdrawal, but want to know the real reason we’re back? The Charlotte Bobcats just won 3 straight road games on the West Coast! A higher power is definitely telling us something. And the time for our Chris Paul for MVP campaign is waning.

Line Of The Night:

LeBron James — 26 points, 9 boards, 9 assists, 3 steals, 1 block

This came vs. Philly in the 2nd of a back-to-back. Following a horrid Saturday night (see below) for the Cavs, Sunday saw them get back on track with a win over the young upstart of the Eastern Conference.

Jason Kidd Of The Night:

Caron Butler — 17 points, 12 boards, 12 assists, 2 steals, 1 block

Looks like when/if Gilbert comes back, he will be coming back to Caron’s team. Butler has his imprint all over this Wizards squad now, and it was almost enough to take down the Kobster and the Lakers on Sunday night. The Lake Show ended up having just enough to close out a 6-point OT win.

Near Jason Kidd Of The Night:

Jason Kidd — 14 assists, 13 points, 9 boards, 1 steal

An aging Kidd is a prime example of why Kenny Smith pays stat sheets no attention. For Kidd the triple-doubles (especially when playing in Oaktown!) flow like water, but the wins flow like molasses; there is no longer a correlation between the two. The 114-104 Warriors win left the West’s playoff race in perhaps it’s most muddled state to date. These two squads and the Nuggets now find themselves locked in a dead 3-way tie for 7-9 spots, but in 3 distinct spots on the momentum chart — Mavs sinking, Nuggets rising, and Warriors sitting right where they have been all year.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Miami Heat, 62 vs. Boston Celtics

There is really no polite way to describe what is going on with the Heat right now, so we will stick to the facts. Kasib Powell played 40 minutes. Blake Ahearn, Joel Anthony and Stephane Lasem all played 20+. The team shot 28.8%, making only 17 field goals. Rob Bironas might have had more than that for the Titans in one game this past NFL season.

Cleveland Cavaliers, 71 vs. Detroit Pistons

The Pistons have been teetering a bit, of late, but it appears when they are fully focused, they are still the same ol’ Stones. Remember this, though: Detroit has not one a title since the departure of Mehmet Okur. And that’s real.

Rookie Of The Night:

Al Thornton — 39 points, 5 steals, 3 boards, 2 assists.

He lit up the Grizz (okay, that might just downplay the whole issue), showing that the Clip Joint may have found the best pure scorer in the history of their organization. That’s an “off the top of the dome” comment, but if it’s not true, we’d love to hear the other challengers. Terry Dehere? A 50 year-old ‘Nique? The Polish Rifle in his prime?

We still don’t really know what David West does, but damn if he doesn’t have 30 and 10 at the end of the night more often than you’d think… The Spurs won their 7th straight, resurrecting themselves from the media’s graveyard for the 2nd time this season… Rashad McCants for 6th Man Of The Year in 2008-2009. Get your campaign contributions in, now… Surprise, surprise. Now Derek Fisher has an injury excuse just like his good friend and P-N-C Kobe…

Line Of The Night:

Baron Davis — 38 points, 9 boards, 8 assists, 3 steals, 1 block

What a stark contrast to watch the Warriors and Suns play after two straight days of college basketball tourneys.  These pros are good.  Boom Dizzle had it all going last night, but his teammates seemed to run out of juice in the 2nd night of a back-to-back, against Phoenix.  Looks like the Suns are starting to figure this Shaq thing out.

Beast Of The Night:

Josh Smith — 22 boards, 16 points, 2 assists, 2 steals, 1 block

The rare small forward beast.  The sick part is, his potential is barely tapped since it’s unclear how much ethic and basketball IQ he has.  Imagine the possibilities of Smith with Tyler Hansbrough’s mentality?

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Atlanta Hawks, 75 points vs. the Houston Rockets

No wonder Smith had so many boards… the A-T-Liens couldn’t shoot!  But that’s what happens when you go up against the Houston juggernaut!  What a great story.  The team is displaying the camaraderie of a college Cinderella (even though Jordan is telling us there is no Cinderella) team and it’s just fun to watch.  The Rockets could potentially get the #1 seed in the West!  20-0.  McGradles for MVP!?!??!?!

San Antonio Spurs, 75 points vs. the New Orleans Hornets

David West came back with a vengeance, dropping 29 and 10 on the heads of the reigning champs.  Give Manu the ball!  He only had 11 points on 5-10 shooting.

The Unpaid Intern On Location Of The Night:

Editor’s Note:  Sorry for delay in publishing this, but it’s karma.  The Unpaid Intern should not have waited so late in the season to go to an NBA game.

Friday, March 7, 2008, Madison Square Garden, NYC — There will never be a day when “I just got 10th row tickets to the Knicks game” will come as bad news.  In fact, it will always be great news–especially when the Knicks are hosting the Detroit Pistons.  Our seats were behind the basket, just about eye-level with the players.  Free and great. There were plenty of Pistons fans in attendance, although we can’t claim to have had any sort of faux home court advantage like the L.O.N. C.E.O. witnessed at the Clipper’s game.  After one of our Deeeee-troit Baaaaaasket-ball calls, one Knicks fan told us to go back to Detroit.  That’s fun.

The night started off with one bad and one good surprise.  The good was that newly acquired Piston Theo Ratliff was not only suited up, but starting.  The bad was that there was no sign of Rasheed Wallace. So unlike the L.O.N. C.E.O., we were not privy to Sheed’s infamous pre-game dance ritual–which would have been right by us.  The team still did some kind of dance-huddle, but it wasn’t the same.  As a big Rasheed fan, it was a pretty big disappointment for him to have the night off for what will probably be the only Piston’s game I’ll see in person this year.

The Pistons started out cold, perhaps still feeling whatever it was that led to that terrible game against Boston.  But soon enough the score was tied, then the Stones were up by 15 and the world seemed right.  The Knicks fought hard until the end though, and were within striking distance.  But when you’re sending Chauncey to the line at the end, you can pretty much take the W to the bank.

The Billups-Crawford match-up was fun to watch.  J-Creezy can ball, too bad he plays for a terrible team/organization right now.  Rip got tossed, like an idiot, for running his mouth.  If there’s one thing we’d like to see the Pistons do, it’s button those lips and just play basketball.  Detroit is a tough as nails, blue collar city, not a crybaby blabbermouth town.  Get it right.  Watching Eddy Curry play makes me wonder how many guys in the league don’t really enjoy basketball.  Sometimes it seems like Curry is only out there because he happens to be a giant and it’s a good way to make a living.  He looks sad and bored and like he’d rather be somewhere else.  Never a good look when you’re a cornerstone of the franchise.  And I think that if I were a Knicks fan, I would want to vomit every time I saw Renaldo Balkman.  Ugh.

Perhaps the best part of the night, for me as a Piston fan, was seeing the young guns out there.  The trio of Amir Johnson, Jason Maxiell and Rodney Stuckey looked solid.  They still need a few years, but there’s the young core of a possible future dynasty there.  It was the first time I’d really seen Stuckey play and it looks like he’s got “it” — that confidence and killer instinct, coupled with superb athletic ability.  Sometimes you see a rookie out there, looking timid and unsure (see Dorell Wright’s first three years).  Stuckey had none of that hesitation; I think he’s going to be a special player.  And that’s not to take anything away from Amir, who could grow into a possible Amare-style beast, and Maxiell, who has already shown that his grit and hustle transitions to the NBA game.

In famous person news, there were numerous NY Rangers seated in the front row near us, as well as fan-favorite and former Red Wing Brendan Shanahan.  Spike Lee was in attendance, as usual, and even got involved by standing up and shagging down a ball, talking some smack as he handed it back to the ref.  And Aaron Ross, rookie DB for the Super Bowl Champion Giants got an ovation and was mobbed for autographs by kids as he made his way down the aisle.

The Garden is such a great atmosphere, it’s too bad Isiah and James Dolan have basically ruined that team.

Pistons win in a game that was much closer than it should have been.  101-97.

Green-on-green crime:  Boston stomps Seattle 111-82… Philly will play anyone, anywhere, anytime.  Wednesday they knocked off the Pistons in the Palace… Tough Juice back in the house.  Caron Butler scores 19 and gets a win for Washington, over Cleveland, in his return to the lineup… Bruce Bowen suspended for Friday’s game, after hitting Chris Paul with his leg on Wednesday.  This ends the current longest consecutive games played streak at 500… Smush Parker, back in business after signing with the Clip Joint.  Maybe they read our Dickau rant!… LeBron James becomes only the third man to ever appear on Vogue, AND he’s moving in on Tom Brady’s woman!

Line Of The Night:

Kevin Martin — 48 points, 6 boards, 1 assist

We here at L.O.N. have secretly wanted the Kings to go on a crazy winning streak, just to make the West all that more interesting.  And in reality, they’ve put together some decent wins this year when healthy.  However, losing to the T-Wolves at homes ruins all of this potential dreams.  Kevin Martin tried to get buck wild on ‘em and lead his team back, but even 19 points, himself, in the 4th, was not enough.

It’s Smaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaash Tiiiiiime Of The Night:

Ahh yes, it’s that time of year, heads and headettes.  It’s that time when teams just simply give up, for any and all reason.  Down by 10 at the half?  Done.  Last game of a road trip?  Done.  7 episodes of Gossip Girl on your DVR?  Done.

Philly 117, Seattle 83

Philly has turned into the rare young team that will actually put you away.  They won on the road in Phoenix recently, and then they do this, to Seattle.  Of course, Seattle is the COMMON young team that will fold faster than Dirk Nowitzki in a laundromat.

Golden State 134, Miami 99

G-State is definitely not known as a team that will put you away, but when you’re the Heat, and you are without D-Wade, and your coach is talking about taking a recruiting vacation, hitting South Beach is really more important than any gosh darn ball game.

Boston 116, Chi-Whuuuuut 93

The score doesn’t seem as big as the others, but this one was practically over before it started.  Chi actually won a game Thursday night, against a good team, so they were probably walking a little too high, today.  Plus they had to travel and Boston just does not play around.  ESPN took the opportunity to show Sam Cassell with a blank look on his face for about 70% of the broadcast.  If we have to see one more shot of that brown suit coat… damn.

LA Lakers 119 ,  LA Clip Joint 82

Wow.  A heated rivalry just a couple years ago (remember when Darius Miles blew out the afro for the match-up?  Then later Shaun Livingston carried on the tradition?  Ahh, the memories), has now become a joke.  Kobe didn’t even hit 2nd gear for this one.  As Ralph Lawler would say… yikes.

Rookie Of The Night:

Julian Wright — 20 points, 8 boards, 2 steals, 1 assist

As if the Hornets needed any more help.  This rook is starting to find his place, and his athleticism is definitely translating to the NBA game, as he’s had several highlight-type plays recently.

Can we get a Hubie Brown, Ralph Lawler, Marv Alber and Doug Collins “Mt. Rushmore” t-shirt?… Spurs’ win streak is snapped, with a road loss to Denver in the 2nd of a back-to-back… Bottom line — sort of a boring night in the NBA…

Wednesday night was full of sound and fury signifying a lot of nothing — a ton of games, but mostly blowouts. There were a lot of stand-out individual performances, at least.

Line AKA Who Is Playing The Knicks Tonight? Of The Night:

LeBron James — 50 points, 10 assists, 8 boards, 4 steals***

***DISCLAIMER: Stats achieved against the NY Knicks may not be valid in all states in the continental U.S. Void where prohibited.

But despite all that… SICK. And he called it against Spike! At one point LeBron could be seen mouthing “50″ to the famed court side director, and then he did it! To make the the evening slightly more surreal, as the game ended, a fan in a James jersey rushed the floor to kiss the King’s ring. Wild.

Worst Of The Night:

Dan Dickau — 20 points, 4 boards, 4 assists

Last night’s performance notwithstanding, Elgin Baylor and the Clippers continuously have TERRIBLE backup point guards. Doug Overton, anyone? This year’s addition to the club is Dan Dickau. Now, it’s one thing to sort of go with a guy as a last resort. You know the situation — everyone gets hurt, and a team signs a guy to a 10-day contract, just to get by. Not the Clips; they went out and traded for Dickau prior to the season! Now, Dickau has a great shot and a beautiful mop of curly hair. What is his biggest weakness, you might ask. He is slower than molasses on a winter day. Inserting him into your lineup GUARANTEES that you will be running a slow down, plodding style. And don’t let the other team decide to pressure him all the way up the court! That is a nightmare. While he has the ball-handling ability to eventually get the ball across half-court, it comes with excruciating effort and a solid 6 seconds off the shot clock. Not only is this painful to watch, but it’s a terribly ineffective way to play basketball. We can only pray this madness will end this off-season, but expecting it to would be to ignore history.

Beast Of The Night:

Kendrick Perkins — 20 boards, 10 points, 2 blocks, 1 assist

With the Pistons throwing up brick after brick (36% shooting), SOMEONE was bound to put up a line like this.

Near Beast Of The Night:

Shaq O’Neal — 18 boards, 12 points, 2 assists

The rebounding was there against the Nuggets, but the defense — both individual and team — was not. It is still very much a work in progress in the desert.

Near Distribution Center Of The Night:

Chris Paul — 23 points, 18 assists, 2 steals, 2 boards

M-V-P! M-V-P! M-V-P! We’ll take it… anybody but Mr. Cryant.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Detroit Pistons 78 points vs. the Boston Ceatles

The Pistons are known to put up a clunker like this every now and again, and facing the C’s on the road, in the 2nd of a back-to-back, is not exactly an ideal situation. However, they knew they weren’t getting it done on the offensive end, and used their trademark D to keep it closer than the final score would make it appear. This playoff series is going to be a classic… unless LeBron ruins it!

Minnesota T-Wolves 76 points vs. the Utah Jazz

At least there are some things we can rely on in this mad, mad world. Utah = money, at home.

Rookies Of The Night:

Jared Dudley — 18 boards, 10 points, 2 blocks, 1 steal, 1 assist

Getting extended minutes due to Gerald Wallace’s injury, Dudley is turning out to be everything he was billed to be — a tough, gritty, ball hound. He’s a guy you want on your team. His Bobcats teammates agree, as he helped garner a win against the playoff hopeful Warriors.

Al Thornton — 27 points, 5 boards, 4 blocks

This guy is quickly becoming the go-to guy for the Clip Joint. He’s still a little unrefined and rookie-ish, but his heart definitely does not pump Kool-Aid down the stretch. He’ll shoot it anywhere any time, and he shot the Clips to victory against the Kings in double-OT, this time around. He probably had the play of the night, as well, with his baseline, up-and-under, and-1 dunk.

The Boston crowd was great for the C’s/Pistons game… Julian Wright reached waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back for the tip dunk!… LeBron’s near-half-court YANK to end the first half was ridiculous in it’s apparent ease… Jason Richardson drops 42 against his old mates from G-State… KEVIN JOHNSON FOR MAYOR! Literally. The Ex-Phoenix Sun is running for mayor of Sacramento… Theo Ratliff comes back home to the Pistons… P.J. Brown brings some more veteran presence to the C’s…

Line Of The Night:

Deron Williams — 20 assists, 17 points, 5 boards, 2 blocks

The new Jason Kidd bests the old version, as Utah beats Dallas to move even in the standings.  To us, Dallas has some serious flaws that are not going to bode well.  Kidd cannot guard any of the point guards in the West (Williams, Tony Parker, Chris Paul, Baron Davis) and their supposed best player folds like Phil Helmuth to an overbet, when the going gets tough.  If they get out of the first round it will be an upset.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Dirty Jers Nets 70 points vs. San Antonio

Mark it down.  Spurs win ‘08 NBA title.  It’s a wrap.  Shutting down a team that is traveling and has probably mailed it in already, is always a strong indicator of championship success, right?

Near Beast Of The Night:

Tyson Chandler — 18 boards, 15 points, 1 assist***

This stat line comes with the standard New York Knicks disclaimer, but the Hornets don’t care, as they just needed the win.  They’ve been going through a bit of a rough patch, which seemed to start right when they had risen to the top of the West standings and started receiving all the hype.

Amare’s Bed And Breakfast Of The Night:

Tonight’s guest?  Joel Przybilla.  As you might expect from a 7-footer, the big fella has a big appetite.  First, he enjoyed a tall stack of buckwheat pancakes with a side of bacon.  EAT YOUR BREAKFAST!!!  But that wasn’t enough, as Chef Stoudemire had a second serving of breakfast — this time a healthy fruit plate — for Mr. P later on in the game.  Tasty, yet nasty.

Al Thornton goes 20 and 10 against Philly.  Too bad that 10 was in the turnovers column and the Clippers get murdered again… Brad Miller had a sick and-1 on Luke Walton last night… Chris “Birdman” Andersen the Western Conference X-Factor?  He’s back on the Hornets roster after a 2-year drug suspension… Sam Cassell officially signs with the Ceatles… Phoenix signs Gordan Giricek… The Kings, up big throughout last night’s game, got Kobe-ed in the 4th, losing 117-05…

Line Of The Night:

Kobe Cryant — 52 points, 11 boards, 4 assists, 2 blocks, 1 steal

Alas, we cannot deny him the L.O.N.nie today.  However, with all this M-V-P talk, we cannot agree, although it is looking likely that he might be close enough to win the good ol’ lifetime achievement type MVP award.  Let’s face it, at the beginning of the year, the Lakers had to prove themselves to the Kobster, so the Lakers were really winning IN SPITE OF Kobe.  Not that he wasn’t playing hard, but his motives were questionable, at best.  Then you have Kevin Garnett.  He truly turned around an entire franchise.  He put his stamp on the Boston Ceatles, and has led them to the best record in the L.  If the Lakers end up with that spot, maybe we can’t argue.  But for now, our vote would go to K.G.

Near Triple-Double Of The Night:

Hedo Turkoglu — 25 points, 10 assists, 8 boards***

Beast Of The Night:

Dwight Howard — 26 points, 22 boards, 3 steals, 2 blocks, 1 assist***

***DISCLAIMER:  Please note, stat lines achieved vs. the New York Knicks will not be honored in a court of law.

Contraction Club Of The Night:

Los Angeles Clip Joint 73 points vs. Detroit Pistons

L.O.N. was in the house for this one, and basketball-wise, it was a debacle.  In their current carnation, injuries are forcing players on the court that probably should not be in the League.  Sure, Chris Kaman showed some decent post play early, but ‘Sheed shut him down in the second half.  Corey Maggette dropped 22, but on 5-15 shooting.  After that? Strictly D-League.  Exhibit A:  Dan Dickau.  He had to strain every possession just to get the ball past half-court.  It was painful.  Dude is simply not quick enough for this level.

The Pistons, on the other hand, despite Chauncey Billups being back in the D due to personal reasons, came out on a mission.  Inspired emotionally by ‘Sheed (his pre-game dance routine is even better, in person) and directed on the court by point foward Tayshaun Prince, they went out and dominated a game that had to be hard to get up for.  It probably helped they were playing on a virtual home away from home.  Chants of “Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-troit Bas-Ket-Baaaaaaaaaaaaall” and calls of “‘Sheeeeeeeeeeeeed” rained down from all corners of the Staples Center.  And the highlight of the night (at least basketball-wise… unfortunately, much to the chagrin of L.O.N., the noise levels were the highest for the stupid Red Panda Acrobat)?  WALTER HERMANN!  Who knew he is the Argentinian Dr. J?  In garbage time, he used his chance at PT to showcase his wild, one-handed lay-up style.  The crowd was going wild.

Other notes:  Several L.A. Connections for the Pistons: Amir Johnson, Aaron Afflalo, and  Tayshaun Prince, all back home… We wanted to murder the stupid fan next to us.  The worst offense was when he told his girlfriend that “Joe Dumars owns the Pistons”…

LeBron’s dunk at the end of the game vs. the Bulls was emphatic and niiiiiice… It’s good to see Larry Hughes balling out, with the reins off, in the Chi, but it’s disconcerting to think he is happier, ala Shawn Marion, on a non-contender, than on a contender… Think Jason Kidd proved why he should be in the game at the end, to Avery?  That was a perfect pass to setup Dirk for the 3… Erick Dampier, with 17 boards and 16 points, is back on the fantasy map, but you’ve gotta think think Avery is more than a little nervous going into the playoffs with that guy as his only true pivot…