Line Of The Night — 02/17/2008 — All-Star Game Edition
Another outstanding All-Star Weekend — L.O.N.’s favorite time of year. We hate to see it end.
Line Of The Night AKA Near Triple-Double Of The Night:
LeBron James — 27 points, 9 assists, 8 boards, 2 steals, 2 blocks, 1 All-Star Game MVP Award
2 All-Star Game MVP awards at the age of 23? Sick. Ray Allen made a huge push for this award, going crazy from 3 in the 4th quarter to end up with 28 points. However, in the final minute with the game’s outcome in the balance, EAT YOUR BREAKFAST happened! LeBron served some delicious sauerkraut right in Dirk’s Mouth! Wow. Nowitzki is so worthless… step up!
Worst Of The Night:
This is a tie between Mr. Cryant and Reggie Miller. Kobe hit us with a quick strike of awfulness, while Reggie Miller waged a long, hard-fought, campaign! The Mailroom Supervisor sums up our Reggie feelings, a little later on. As for Kobe, thanks for uselessly taking up a roster spot to play only 3 minutes with your stupid, messed up finger. In one of the deepest potential All-Star classes in memory, Kobe had to waste a roster spot and make it all about him, parading around answering questions about his injury and gleefully showcasing his wrapped hand on the bench.
Boooooooooooooo-riiiiiiiiing Of The Night:
How boring were the marginal West selections? When you’re practically forced to take Yao Ming, Tim Duncan and Nowitzki each year on the roster, you are already starting a little high on boring All-Stars meter. Outstanding players (well, not Dirk, ha!), but just not fun guys to have in the All-Star game — Yao’s three’s and Duncan’s jokes (and three’s as well) notwithstanding. So when you’re starting with that kind of disadvantage, can you please not force us to stomach Carlos Boozer, David West and Brandon Roy (that no-way-in-hell oop he attempted is Exhibit A)? Come on. Give us Boom Dizzle, Manu Ginobili, and Deron Williams! Free Stephen Jackson.
The Mailroom Supervisor’s H.O.N.nie Of The NIght:
Chris Paul for being “a home team hero and not throwing up despite his nerves and being super-cute”
Runner-up for H.O.N.nie? Ernie Johnson — for “having to deal with Charles Barkley and for saying ’spanked’ on national television”.
The MRSV’s N.O.T.tie Of The Night
Straight from the MRSV: “Shut up, already, Reggie! Not only are you ugly, but your voice sucks and your brain is stupid.”
Yikes. We can’t argue with that.
Fashion Review Of The Night:
TNT did a particularly poor job of celebrity spotting and player shoe coverage, but we scoped what we could.
We loved the uniforms and the warm-ups, especially the West’s. A lot of people were hating on the double-sided unis, but we were feeling ‘em. Our favorite detail were the logos of past All-Star weekends on player’s warm-ups who had been on multiple teams.
Magic Johnson had on a nice gray and purple (the color of the weekend, it seemed) suit/tie combo. His problem is that he’s getting a little too big for any suit to look right on him.
Harry Connick, Jr. really wanted to stand out, as he rocked neon-brown (yes, neon-brown! At least when contrasted by his all black suit/shirt/tie) dress shoes. Special All-Star editions, perhaps? Were they stitched with H-Conn-JR?
Just in case a picnic broke out, assistant coach Darrell Walker was prepared, dipped out in an orange and blue table cloth.
On the court, Carmelo had a whole lot of leg stuff going on: red socks, white calf covers, and various other stuff.
As we mentioned, shoe coverage was minimal. A big deal was made of Chris Paul’s dual-allegiance, though. In the first half he wore the new Jordan XXIII’s (as did Melo), while in the second half he switched to his first signature shoe, which bore tributes to his deceased grandfather as well as his college coach, Skip Prosser.
Craig Sager also interviewed Steve Nash about his dogs, which were covered in shoes made from 100% recycled material. However, the highlight of that exchange was Nash snatching Sager’s handkerchief, blowing his nose in it, and placing it back in Craig’s suit pocket! Boom.
We also noticed LeBron, in an All-Star edition of his signature line, colored blue and gray like the East unis, as well as Iditarod with shiny gold feet. No word if those meet official Iditarod racing specifications.
Non-MVP, MVP Of The Night:
Chris Paul — 16 points, 14 assists, 4 steals, 3 boards
The MVP winner almost always hinges on the outcome of the game, and this year’s award was no different. If the West had come all the way back, hometown hero Chris Paul would have been the man. He took over in the 4th, just like he does back on his Hornets squad. It’s a beautiful thing when a point guard dominates a game. It’s like he’s a puppet master controlling each of the other 9 guys on the court. His size and abilities are similar to what might happen if you took Allen Iverson’s body, cut off half his brain, and put half of Steve Nash’s brain in. Steven Ivasherson. l Get used to this dude runnin’ thangs in mid-February for years to come.
Big Men Shooting 3’s Of The Night:
It’s become a time-honored All-Star tradition; big men, finally unbridled, step out for an attempt at a little 3-point glory. There was more glory than usual this year, as Yao (0-2), Amare (1-2), Duncan (0-1, and he had another, just toeing the line that he banked in ON PURPOSE), and Rasheed Wallace (1-5, mostly left-handed!) were all in the mix. Commentator Doug Collins even joked about it, suggesting coach Byron Scott was inserting Yao back into the lineup for his needed 3-point touch. The moral of the story (word to Saigon) though? ‘Sheed’s left-handed long-range gun is more potent than almost every other big man shooting with their strong hand!
D-Wade Of The Night:
Dwyane Wade — 14 points, 4 boards, 3 assists, 1 block
At one point, after a Wade miscue, the L.O.N. C.E.O. jokingly said that D-Wade is “over-the-hill”, but actually, had some of the more entertaining highlights on the night. First, he took Big Dirk to the hole, bringing back memories of the Heat/Mavs Finals. Then, in the third quarter, he came with the Jordanesque, back-to-the-basket, wrist-slap, over-head-flip-shot, and-1! Beautiful. Finally, he sealed the game by STUFFING Big Dirk at the 3-point line! Jeez… Big Dirk gets absolutely and consistently abused when surrounded by great players.
David West the only player to have his name on the front AND back of this jersey. WEST on WEST, FOOLS! It almost makes us want another Westside Connection album, just so they can all rock that jersey in the video… TNT’s new backboard stat pop-out is weird and unnecessary, but we like it… Steve Nash needs to shoot more in the regular season games… Jason Kidd guarded Dirk at one point. Oh the intrigue!… Nashty assists a Dirk turnaround. Oh the memories!… Is Nash going to develop a jealous rage against Kidd? Or LeBron vs. Dirk? This week, on “As The Aging Unloaded Star Turns”… Stop calling fouls, refs!… The Nash/Paul back court was AWESOME… Gotta love the triple-alley-oop, featured as #3 in this countdown… Amare served Dwight Howard some scrumptious breakfast. #2 in that same video…