L.O.N.

Line Of The Night AKA Dunk Contest Blow-By-Blow Of The Night:

It’s all about the dunk contest, ya’ll.  This year’s edition was one of the most overall entertaining contests ever.  Every contestant brought something nice to the competition, and Dwight Howard and Gerald Green had truly unforgettable performances.  Almost all of the dunks deserve discussion, and discussion they’ll get.  Here’s a blow-by-blow recap.

Jamario Moon, 1st Attempt, 46, L.O.N. score — 9:

Moon went with the self-toss alley-oop, and it is nasty.  After the bounce, he 360s (only about 180 in the air), reaches waaaaaay back with one arm, and finishes it strong.  It is not as good as when Fred Jones did the same thing a few years back, but it is impressive.  He needed to do something to get the crowd involved more, though.  It’s like everybody was still asleep.  Overall a strong start from Moon.

Rudy Gay, 1st Attempt, 37, 7:

Gay came baseline, did a two-handed cradle into a left-handed dunk.  Nice dunk?  Sure.  But we’ve seen it before, and he does nothing to build any excitement.  A lot of the talking heads stated that Gay is more of “game dunker” and he might have trouble in this contest.  Looks like they were right.

Dwight Howard, 1st Attempt, 50, 10!!!:

Uh-oh.  He’s going to the other end… what’s happening?  What’s he gonna do?  He’s walking around… he’s inspecting… the anticipation is building.  OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  From out-of-bounds, behind the backboard, he throws it off the board, keeps his head behind, and windmills it in?  ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!?!!!  Creativity and an unmatched combination of jumping ability and height.  Ya’ll (Gay, Moon, Green) are in trouble!

Gerald Green, 1st Attempt, 46, 10!!!!!!!!:

Green announced prior to the show that his first dunk would be the “Birthday Cake”.  Another smart move, building anticipation.  He’s got his teammate Rashad McCants up on a ladder, with a birthday cake… what in the world?  Rashad’s lighting a candle on the cake!  He’s gonna blow it out!  McCants bounces the ball to him… he grabs the ball two-handed… OHHHHH!!!!!  HE BLEW IT OUT!!!  HE BLEW OUT THE CANDLE THEN DUNKED TWO-HANDED!!  THAT’S THE HOTTEST DUNK EVER!!!!!   The judges only give him a 46?

You gotta see the instant replay to fully appreciate this one.  TNT has a camera right behind the board which clearly shows  Green blowing out the candle before slamming it home.  That is awesome.  But without replay, the judges don’t really get it.  This is like last year, when Howard’s “sticker dunk” was not fully appreciated live.  It’s time to give the judges monitors.  Cats these days are capable of stuff that cannot be fully comprehended by the naked eye alone.

Rudy Gay, 2nd Attempt, 48, 9:

Why is Rudy going?  Isn’t it Jamario’s turn?  He’s got teammate Kyle Lowry (uh-oh… showing preference over Mike Conley?  Tabloid drama!) out there to help.  A practice toss against the back stanchion… these things are great for anticipation.  Lowry bounces it off the stanchion and Gay windmills it.  Nice.  Way better than his first dunk, but a bit derivative compared to D-Ho’s dunk.  He is just a victim of bad timing.  It probably would have been more well received had he done this first.  But he still manages a 48 for the second best score so far!

Jamario Moon, 2nd Attempt, 44, 8:

Hmm… Moon is putting down a tape marker, two feet behind the free throw line.  If he can complete this… oh my.  He has teammate Jason Kapono out there as well, so it must be an oop.  Nah, after the first failed attempt it appears this ain’t gonna work.  Kapono is bouncing it too him, so there’s a whole lot of timing that has be perfect.  Well he got it, but he stepped WAY inside the line.  He completed it one-handed off the bounce.  Magic Johnson is right — he should not have set expectations so high by putting down the tape.

Gerald Green, 2nd Attempt, 45, 9:

What in the world… Green is back with the ladder, but this time it is pulled out further on the court.  McCants is back out there as well, and is climbing up to the top.  He does NOT look comfortable up there and he even is doing the sign of the cross!  Comedy.  He is holding the ball out with one hand… he lofts it straight up above the basket… Green takes off, catches, and a NASTY windmill!  That dude is SO high!  No exaggeration when we say his head is above the rim.  He is the official windmill king of the world at this point.

Dwight Howard, 2nd Attempt, 50, 9:

Dwight is coming out on the court with teammate Jameer Nelson.  He’s putting tape down… a Magic dancer brings out something red.. Nelson grabs it… is it a cape?  It is!  Did the L.O.N. Unpaid Intern get in his ear?  He had been raving about capes in dunk contests, earlier this weekend.  D-Ho takes his jersey off to reveal a Superman costume!  Nelson puts the cape on him!  The crowd goes wild!  This is gonna win it off principal.  Jameer throws it from behind the board, Howard takes off from what appears to be the planet Krypton… he grabs it… he’s flying!!!!  He throws it down!!!  Kenny Smith has absolutely lost his damn mind!!!!!  They are playing the Superman music in the background!!!  Absolutely amazing!

Wow.  On the replay though, it shows that he did not really dunk it.  His hand ended up a foot away from the basket, and he had to throw the ball in.  So it’s not even really a dunk.  But the way he captured the imagination of everyone in the arena, no one even cares.  Now this is a situation where replay might have hurt his score.  Although it is absurd to see him flying through the air like that.  The slept on part of this dunk is Nelson’s pass from BEHIND THE BACKBOARD.  Perhaps the key to this hole thing is that he nailed it on the first attempt.

Gerald Green, Final Round, 1st Attempt, 9:

At this point, Dwight Howard has complete control of the crowd.  Green is going to have to do something extremely special to pull this out.  There is no more court side judging, as the fans will pick the winner from here.  He pulled his pants up way high, so maybe he’s doing “The Nerd Dunk”?  McCants is out there again too… do these guys do anything separately?  Seems like the two of them together, off the court, is a recipe for trouble!  Looks like he’s attempting a pass over the backboard, catch off the bounce, between the legs… that’s a whole lotta stuff going on.  DAMN, that is nice!  Like Kenny said, though, a lot of people have gone through the legs.  Green added a new twist to it though, off the pass… and he is so high!

Dwight Howard, Final Round, 1st Attempt, 10:

No props, just Howard this time.  He’s throwing the self-oop… he catches off the ground… what the hell did he just do?  OHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  Off the bounce, he tapped it off the board with his left hand, then RE-CAUGHT IT with this right, THEN dunked it home!  So sick.  So, so sick.  Now THAT was his best dunk.  No gimmicks, no pass from another guy, just raw creativity using the ball and the basket.  And he made it look so easy!  That is hard as hell to do.  The competition is his.

Gerald Green, Final Round, 2nd Attempt, 9:

He pretty much cannot win at this point, but let’s see what he’s got.  Ha, he just took his shoes off, autographed them, and put them on the judges’ table!  Comedy.  He goes up for the bare-footed, through the legs windmill.  Nice, but he just can’t touch Howard’s showmanship.  As Dr. J notes later, people underestimate the difficulty of dunking without shoes.  We agree, but he probably needed to pick a different type of dunk, since he had already done that one.  It’s interesting that last year, when Green won, people did not quite understand Howard’s dunks.  Maybe that situation is reversed this year.

Dwight Howard, Final Round, 2nd Attempt, 10:

Let’s finish it up nice, big fella.  He’s bringing out the props again… and here comes that ladder!  The NBA missed out on a sponsorship opportunity with the latter.  Jameer has a mini-hoop, and he’s putting it on the board.  Is he gonna dunk two balls, one small, one big?  Is he putting it up at twelve feet since they wouldn’t let him raise the rim?  No… the mini-hoop is down on the corner of the board, and a real ball has been placed ON TOP of it.   OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  He grabs it off the one hoop, and windmills it in!  That dude is sick.  Wow.  The combo of physicality and athleticism is unbelievable.  Congratulations, Dwight.  You captured the crowd right from the beginning and put on an unforgettable show.  Lovely.

Worst Of The Night:

Rod Benson, D-League All-Star, straight outta North Dakota, received the ball on the break, with nothing at all between him and All-Star glory, and maybe even a 10-day NBA contract.  He sizes up the rim, takes two steps and… ugh.  He tried the impossible task of dunking while BELOW the rim!  The rim wins every time.  Uh-oh… you don’t want to go out like that in the All-Star game!

Guinness Book Of World Records Of The Night:

The Guinness Records are doing their best to get their name back out there in the public spotlight.  After being featured in an episode of Rob & Big, Guinness made it’s next move at the All-Star game.  During Saturday’s open practices, several players tried to hit as many half court shots as possible in one minute.  The East’s practice was first, with LeBron and Jason Kidd setting the record at 3 in a minute.  The amazing part about Kidd’s shots, though, were that he shot most with one hand, under-handed, like a bowler!  And they were right at the rim.  Ay-yo, that Kidd is niiiiiiiice.  Because his form did not get him out of position, he also was able to get off considerably more attempts.  Kidd maybe should win on level of difficulty merits, but at the end of the day, following the West’s practice, Chris Paul was the holder of the record, with 4 in a minute.  Gotta love All-Star practice!

Fashion Review Of The Night:

Last night we were feeling LeBron’s outfit, but he lost us Saturday night.  He had on some sort of half-trench coat, with extra collar, looking like a spy.  Our man Russ Bengston saw the same thing, calling him Inspector Gadget!  At least he kept it interesting.  His serious MVP competition, Kobe, was pure boring, with a black shirt/gray coat combo.  Joining these guys on the worst list was another guy at the top of his respective field, Mark Cuban.  Cuban, albeit dressed up from his usual t-shirt, was looking as raggedy as ever in a frat boy-esque collared, but not button-up, shirt.  You know, one of those Abercrombie-type joints, where the collar stays wrinkled?  He should have just stayed true in a tee.  And he had on a headset… not sure what he was broadcasting (turns out he was on some sort of German All-Star broadcast).

The flashiest cats of the night — and you’re not going to believe this — were Damon Jones and Terrell Owens.  Of course.  Jones had the Mohawk and a burgundy velour suit, while T.O. had the extra-Hollywood, black t with silver shine, accompanied by the sleek black sunglasses, and a bunch of other shine, seemingly coming from everywhere.  That little girl on the tv would tell you, “It’s the mirrors”.

We had two favorites, each coming with vastly different styles.  First, was Amare Stoudemire, who went with the new age, Hipster/Hip-Hop/Hollywood/Rock Star/Disco/Hell mix.  He had a military-type coat with rhinestones, accompanied by the super-thick dookie gold chain!  Awesome.  On the complete other end of the spectrum was Caron Butler.  Tough Juice kept it smooth, opting for a peachy/tan suit with a red pocket handkerchief for a nice contrast.  But where was the obligatory McDonald’s straw?

We also liked what the always well-dressed Dwyane Wade had going, especially the Mailroom Supervisor…

The MRSV’s H.O.N.nie Of The Night:

D-Wade for: “looking hot in the green leather jacket” and “taking his shirt off for the ladies’ enjoyment before shooting his Guinness half court shots.”

At first glance, we thought we were seeing the Black Fonz, as Wade went with a simple leather jacket, white tee and jeans combo.  But then we realized he had updated the flavor a little, with the green jacket.  And no comment about the second aspect of this.

Three-Point Shootout Of The Night:

Coming in, this field looked absolutely stacked.  However, disappointingly, despite a great individual performance, as a group, this was far from a memorable showing.  Perhaps we should have been aware of impending doom right away, when we saw Rip Hamilton come out with a flaming fire elbow sleeve.  Corny!  It definitely did not help, as Rip could not even stay behind the line and ended up with a low score.  That set the tone for much of the first round, as Steve Nash could not even break double-digits and hometown hero Peja Stojakovic put up a surprisingly bad performance.  Even Dirk barely skated into the 2nd round, shooting with cartoonish arc on his shot.  Boobie Gibson tried to keep his hot rookie shooting display, and was also able to make it past round 1, but in the end, it was a one-man show.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the man, the myth, the legend, Jason Kapono, was untouchable on the night.  He had the high score in each round, and tied Craig Hodges’ all-time single round record of 25.  En fuego.

Probably the highlight of this competition came from the announcing table. First, Kevin Harlan asked Charles and Kenny if they saw Boobie Gibson in the Rookie Game… and they were CALLING that game!  They got him good for that mis-step.  Then, Reggie Miller referred to something on the court as the “titty”, and all hell broke loose, with Charles saying all types of stuff that must’ve had TNT execs cringing.

Shooting Stars Of The Night:

We make no apologies.  We like any and all competitions held on All-Star Weekend, including the much-maligned Shooting Stars.  You can hate us now… but we won’t stop now.

The defending champs, the Detroit team featuring Chauncey, Swin and Laimbeer, looked smug from the get green, and it showed in their debacle of a performance.  Swin couldn’t hit, and then Bill Laimbeer killed a fan when he missed the entire world with his half court shot.  NASA is still tracking that, um, bad boy.  Immediately after, no joke, rumors broke that Swin Cash is being traded to the Seattle Storm!  Yikes.  The WNBA mos def takes this seriously.  The Phoenix team was so awful, all we remember is Eddie Johnson shooting out of turn and Reggie Miller yelling nonsensically about it.

The Bulls team came out with some possible controversy.  Native Louisianan Chris Duhon was looking salty as hell during introductions, while teammates B.J. Armstrong AKA The Original Boobie Gibson and Candice Dupree were looking downright cozy.  Hmm… love triangle of Dawson/Pacey/Joey proportions?  Or are we talking Lucas/Brooke/Peyton/  Anyway… as far as the competition goes, it looked like they had a good number going, but they absolutely fell apart when it came to the half court shot.

The half court shot was the least of San Antone and David Robinson’s worries.  Despite his body looking like he was just on a 3 day break from the season like the rest of the fellas, he took a katrillion shots for him to hit the first lay-up type shot!  Damn awkward lefty.  He nailed the half court shot right away, though, keeping San Antonio in it.

The final round, featuring The Chi vs. Remember The, came down to pretty much the same story.  The Bulls put up a nice number, but then completely fell apart from half court, allowing the Twin Towers + Becky Hammon to triumph.  That’s what champs do.

Skills Challenge Of The Night:

This year’s point guard Skills Challenge featured 3 young guns — Chris Paul, Deron Williams and Dwyane Wade — and an old head, in Jason Kidd.  Kidd screwed up on the jump shot — the graveyard of many a Skills Challenge competitor — while defending champ D-Wade blew it even earlier than that.  He dribbled off his foot into the crowd, almost before the whistle even blew.  Then, he couldn’t hit the J either, and in fact, just threw up quick hopeless shots, just to get by that area.  To complete the microcosm of his Heat squad’s season, he couldn’t even hit the layup at the end!

It came down to the two point guards that are continuously linked, Williams and Paul.  They had the course almost perfected, and in the second round, Williams DID perfect it, setting the all-time record.  It must have been all that PS3 practice he got in earlier that morning.  Paul noticeably picked up his pace in an effort to re-set it, but a missed J got him.  Advantage Williams, in the “best young point” argument.  Is there any more definitive evidence than this?

D-League All-Star Game Of The Night:

L.O.N. saw this game live last year, and when in attendance, it felt like some sort of rec league game in a random gym in Anywere, U.S.A.  Seeing it broadcast live on NBA TV, with Ian Eagle handling play-by-play duties, definitely made it feel much more official.  Not sure if the attendees would agree, though.  This game is also has the least exhibition feel of the all the weekend’s events.  These cats want to make the L, and scouts are in attendance.  It’s a mix of prospects (the Spurs have a good one in Frenchman Ian Mahinmi), sure things just warming up (Morris Almond), niche players just biding their time (Andre Barrett and Eddie Gill) and old heads that just can’t give up their love for the game (Randy Livingston).  So aside from a couple EMPHATIC Kaniel Dickens finishes, and a Mahinmi alley-oop early, there was a lot of solid, fundamental basketball played.  It’s probably a good thing the game generally stayed vanilla, because the few times players tried to show-out a little, the results were not pleasant.

D-League MVP Of The Night:

Jeremy Richardson — 22 points, 4 boards, 1 steal

Other than All-Star teammate and 1st round pick Morris Almond, Richardson might be the best NBA prospect-type out there.  Dude is a scorer.  His J looked good in spurts — a streak shooter for sure — but he has the athleticism to get to the rack.  Probably needs to work on that handle and those muscles, though, if he wants a permanent NBA spot.

It’s Only A Matter Of Time Of The Night:

Morris Almond — 20 points on 8-10 shooting, 3 boards, 1 steal

The jumper is so pure.  When the Jazz do decide to bring him up, he certainly won’t lack confidence.  He’s dropped 53 in a D-League game this year, and now scored 20 against the league’s best.  When you think about how similar his game is to J.J. Redick’s, it’s interesting to consider their divergent paths.  Redick has been forced to languish on the Orlando Magic’s bench, while Almond has received serious run in the minors.  Time will tell if one way works better than the other.

Other D-League Highlights Of The Night:

We’ve always loved Randy Livingston, and he’s serving as a consummate pro and mentor in the D-League.  The reason he can’t play in the NBA at this point, though, was obvious, when 6′10″ Jelani McCoy was able to lock him up on the perimeter!  The knees just can’t get it done, at this point… A few solid big men that could see a future NBA roster:  Lance Allred, winner of the H.O.R.S.E. competition (which seemed maybe a little too boring to ever make the big show) and Elton Brown, an under-sized beast in the post… Sean Banks showed some decent moves out there and we have firsthand knowledge that he also has some nice moves on the poker table.  If you see him at Hollywood Park, watch out.  He just wants to get a 10-day NBA contract so he can get in some of those NBA poker games!… Billy Thomas does a weird, quick, hand-jerk-back after everything — shots, passes, steal attempts — bizarre… Andre Barret just jitter-buggin’ out there… It wouldn’t be a D-League All-Star squad without a Powell.  Word to Kasib and Carlos…

Trade Of The Night:

Atlanta gets:

Mike Bibby, PG

Sacramento gets:

Anthony Johnson, PG
Tyronn Lue, PG
Shelden Williams, PF
Lorenzen Wright, C
2008 2nd Round Pick

Atlanta was forced by League Offices to complete this trade while everyone was paying attention to the All-Star festivities, otherwise people around the globe would have suffered instant heart attacks and/or strokes!  The Hawks as contenders?  Making moves?  They are supposed to be the team taking BACK the future picks and contracts.  It’s a new day.  And they FINALLY have a point guard… possibly the first since Spud Webb and Doc Rivers roamed the city.  This gives them a sick lineup, including one of the best back courts anywhere, and they don’t give up much, as far as current contributors.  Johnson and Lue played before this deal, but would not have been necessary with Bibby around.  This should all but cement a playoff spot for the ATLiens.  Oh yeah… and it’s phenomenal that they managed to recover something legit from one of the worst top 5 picks in history — Shelden Williams.

Sacramento is just trying to restructure and rebuild.  They get rid of Bibby’s large deal, and gain flexibility in 3 expiring contracts.  Besides, they were probably playing better this year before Bibby came back from injury, and Beno Udrih was running things.  This might not be the last you hear out of Sactown in the coming week, as Ron Artest’s name has also been mentioned in possible deals.

The Vernon Maxwell rumor is wild.  The 42 year-old, who has not played since 2001, never had his rights renounced by the Mavs, and has been mentioned as a possibility in the potential Jason Kidd deal!  Madness… T.J. Kidd exploding back on the scene!  God save us…  It’s looking like Gerald Green may need to join Drew Gooden’s All-Airhead Team…  We did not love it, but the NBA at least improved a little in their music selection, going with the New Orleans jazz theme.  Usually they are completely clueless, but Broussard had us jamming… By the end of the night, we were feeling the CGI-ed woman things TNT was using as graphics… Stay classy, Dr. J… Darrell Dawkins is a wild boy… Brent Petway wins the D-League dunk contest.  Air Georgia!!!

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 17th, 2008 at 5:19 pm and is filed under Jason Kapono, Gerald Green, Rudy Gay, D-League, Guinness Book Of World Records, Dwyane Wade, Spurs, Jamario Moon, Dunk Contest, Lebron James, Sports, NBA, Deron Williams, Dwight Howard, Terrell Owens, All-Star, L.O.N.. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.